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I don't disagree, my post was directed towards the person who indicated that because the wedding was a year out, it was fair to expect a decent gift even though they have to travel. I was simply saying that it doesn't matter how far out, you still can't "expect" people to travel and give you the same size gift.
I don't disagree, my post was directed towards the person who indicated that because the wedding was a year out, it was fair to expect a decent gift even though they have to travel. I was simply saying that it doesn't matter how far out, you still can't "expect" people to travel and give you the same size gift.
Why would someone expect a gift and traveling? That makes no sense. The travel is the gift.
It has been the custom in my circles for the grooms family to pay for the honeymoon. They are not having them pay for that, so it's a trade off.
The brides family traditionally pays for the wedding. That sucks for them, but they also get to plan it. The grooms family doesn't traditionally pay or plan the wedding.(the good with the bad)
We told my FIL that he was welcome to have a wedding for us in his city, but we were planning ours the way we could afford it. He happily decided to attend our wedding and save his wallet. MIL generously paid for our reception and was perfectly lovely about it. My parents didn't pay for anything outside of their travel expenses and my siblings. They got off cheap in comparison to my sisters wedding.
Besides...I've often seen the in laws upset over wedding stuff without having to pay one penny. Some people just like to gripe.
It might be a custom in your circle, but it is not an accepted custom. According to tradition (etiquette), the bride's family pays for everything, and the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner. The groom's family might offer to pay for some other component of the expenses, such as the bar, or the flowers, or the honeymoon, etc., but they are not required to do so.
The bottom line is, it is in bad taste to over extend and put on airs with a wedding, especially since all the people you know will be invited, not the Queen of England.
Why would someone expect a gift and traveling? That makes no sense. The travel is the gift.
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Originally Posted by Jeo123
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Originally Posted by psurangers11
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Originally Posted by subject2change
That's always something for people planning a destination wedding to keep in mind-some people simply can't afford to give you a gift after they pay for a trip. Oh well.
Then again.. the wedding IS next year.. so it's not like they're leaving their guests in the dark about what they're doing. Plenty of time to put aside money for travel.....
Just because they have time to save, doesn't mean its fair to expect travel and gifts.
Actually, I blame Disney for young women growing up with huge Dream Weddings on the mind. Maybe it is fitting she has it there!
Disney movies all play out the Prince showing up and marrying the Princess, but maybe he should have a movie about the aftermath! And if girls dream about being saved by their Prince, what do boys dream about? Leave it to Beaver? :-)
response to post by charolastra00
I'm really surprised at all of the people harping on the destination wedding piece. Aren't most weddings "destinations" for most people?
No, they're not. The majority of weddings I've attended were in town or a half days drive away. Driving is one thing. Flying is another. Plus Disney world is an expensive place to stay.
We will be in the situation next year of flying cross country to a wedding for our niece - she and her fiance live away from the parents, grandparents and the rest of the extended family. Everyone except their friends who live in their city will be taking days off from work, flying into the city, finding hotels, probably buying clothes for it. Sure it's inconvenient, time consuming and a decent cost for airfare and several nights in a hotel - and this is just in a "normal" city, not an expensive destination.
We really feel that it wouldn't make a difference to the bride and groom if we were there or not, which is actually ok and understandable. I'm not proud of this but when we were 22 it really didn't sink in to either of us that almost all of our aunts and uncles showed up to our wedding and that mine had made the effort to drive six or seven hours to be there - and my grandmother flew down alone to Florida from Wisconsin! T and I were focused on each other and I'm sure we didn't interact with any of them much at all. I see the other side of things now and wish I'd realized and acted differently.
Yeah the travel is probably the gift . . .and all things considered they'd probably rather have the gift. We're not close with this niece because of distance - we've been living across the ocean and then across the country from both of our families since 1998. It's a weird situation because while we might be thinking we could take it or leave it, if that makes sense - they might be thinking "don't do us any favors by coming" or whatever if they knew our thoughts - and that's fair. But, it would be really important to the bride's parents and grandparents that we celebrate this with them and it seems as though it'd be bad form if we don't show up. They (parents and grandparents) have also mentioned the inconvenience to themselves and wishes that the wedding was in their current city so all of us are in the same situation as far as having to fly and stay somewhere.
The OP mentioned the horse carriage as part of their wedding - it's wild, all of the different variables and choices and amount of money that can be spent on these weddings. . . the Cinderella's Glass Coach horse carriage all by itself is $2950 for two hours ! (fine print says before tax, gratuity and additional fees).
I've seen two Disney weddings in my lifetime. Not, mind you, because I myself had one, or because I was a guest, but merely because we happened to be vacationing there at the time. The horse drawn glass carriage with the footmen was very pretty, and the setting was gorgeous. But, the hotel (the one I remember was the Grand Floridian), did not take steps to inconvenience other guests for the bride's benefit. I'm certain my 3 yr old is in a couple of wedding pictures. He was practicing walking down the wide staircase, at the same time the bride and groom was posing for pictures.
Actually, I blame Disney for young women growing up with huge Dream Weddings on the mind.
I think the concept of prince and princess has been around a bit longer than Disney.
And I've played cops and robbers with cap guns when I was a kid but I never became a robber....or a cop for that matter. Same with all of my friends.
In any case, in a free society, people are free to buy into/not buy into something. The choice lies with the individual ultimately. Personal responsibility and all that fun stuff.
I've seen two Disney weddings in my lifetime. Not, mind you, because I myself had one, or because I was a guest, but merely because we happened to be vacationing there at the time. The horse drawn glass carriage with the footmen was very pretty, and the setting was gorgeous. But, the hotel (the one I remember was the Grand Floridian), did not take steps to inconvenience other guests for the bride's benefit. I'm certain my 3 yr old is in a couple of wedding pictures. He was practicing walking down the wide staircase, at the same time the bride and groom was posing for pictures.
I'm laughing. . .can just see it in my mind !
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