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Traveling is the gift then... I mean jesus, it's your kid wedding for crying out loud... HOPEFULLY a once in a lifetime thing.... they know the plan a year in advance, go ahead I guess and have your initial gripes but then move on... save up the money... take the trip.... ENJOY YOURSELF...
If they're going to give that much crap to them about it... then maybe they should just do the bride and groom a favor and not go.
Look it's clearly much easier for a stranger as myself not to have to worry about forking the money over to go on a trip and say some of the comments I've said. Hell one of my good friends from college got married in St. Lucia this past summer. I was honest with him and said that's just way too expensive and we'll miss out. However, he's my friend... I just think parents should be a little bit more accepting in the end.
The original post you replied to was directed a comment of "don't expect GUESTS to give the same gift" and someone pointing out that "Well they have a year to prepare so they should do both." Not all guests are the parents.
I have a destination wedding to go to in January in florida. For me an my fiance to attend, our flights together cost about $500, which is much more than this couple would have gotten as a gift. I can afford to pay that, but I'm sure there are a lot of other people who would say no.
For some it IS that hard and expensive to get to. Currently we are spending no money on anything like that and it is questionable if we will be going to the family gathering this year for Thanksgiving.
Mr. CSD broke his arm has had one surgery and we are at this moment looking at a minimum of $30,000.00 out of pocket cost. On top of this he has to have one more surgery for sure and possibly one more after that for a minimum total cost of $60,000.00 - $90,000.00 out of pocket cost.
So not knowing one's personal situation when it comes to finances it is not safe to "assume" that everyone has the ability to spend that kind of money for a wedding and we are certainly not "sticks in the mud".
We are responsible adults who know our current limitations and what is a priority and what is not.
Well you are in a different situation. $90,000 in arm surgeries huh?
Let me rephrase then..... MOST people, with a years warning, who give a darn, and can plan a little, can make work what they want to make work. Maybe they can't take a gift, or bring the kids, or maybe they have to drive and stay in a motel 6..... but believe it or not it can be done.
Well you are in a different situation. $90,000 in arm surgeries huh?
Let me rephrase then..... MOST people, with a years warning, who give a darn, and can plan a little, can make work what they want to make work. Maybe they can't take a gift, or bring the kids, or maybe they have to drive and stay in a motel 6..... but believe it or not it can be done.
It's the idea of asking people to do it unnecessarily. My family lives in one area for the most part, with a very few people scattered in other parts of the country. If one of them gets married, obviously people have to decide if they're able to go or not, and that's just how the situation is. But I can't imagine asking people to take a trip if they had to save up for a year, or stay someplace cheap and unpleasant, for a destination wedding. The fact that they could say no doesn't matter. I would feel like such a self-centered person. I can just picture how this year is supposed to go. "August-Better whittle down the kids' school supplies. We're saving for the wedding. November-can't go overboard on Christmas this year, we have to save for the wedding." Seriously? Of course if the whole family and all the friends are well off, it wouldn't be a big deal. But that's not really the case for many families.
I'm back! No I didn't abandon the thread- I'm a new member so it takes a while for my responses to post? It took six hours for someone to approve my main post and by then I had logged off!
A lot of you are asking who's paying for the wedding. My parents are paying half and my husband and I are paying the other half. My parents also bought my dress and any other additional costs that come up, they said they would take care of but so far we're good to go! With the Honeymoon my Fiance's mom offered to pay for the plane tickets to where we decide to go. So that's how that's all being split up
We won't have any debt. Actually the only thing we planned to put on credit cards are vendors that don't accept other forms of payment and some of our trip. But that's all been taken care of.
I do love my fiance. I could marry him in city hall in a paper bag if he wanted to. In my family, we all have semi-large weddings and we all go a bit crazy. My mom has planned my wedding almost as long as I have (though she likes plantation type weddings the best). We're Tennessee people so maybe that's why? Of course it's important to me and he knows that. Before I even mentioned wedding planning he'd told me he'd do whatever I wanted to make it the day I dreamed about. I have a lot of family and friends so to have them all there, watching me get married is exciting Anyway, big weddings aren't always for the "entitled" it depends on the culture. In my family we have big weddings and celebrations (my older sister would agree that I am spoiled though!)
On the destination travel issue: No matter where I marry this would be an issue as the family is spread out. No one else has a problem with the costs. We're having an open bar and a breakfast in addition to a dinner so we're trying to provide as much as we can for our guests. We paid for my SIL's bridesmaid dress and my family offered to buy plane tickets for F's family. They have no excuse to not get their lazy butts up and come. I'm frustrated feeling like I have bent over backwards for people who don't like me. It's stressful and that's why I asked for advice here.
Rich and spoiled. Got it. In which case, why do you care what others think?
Let's prune this whole thing down. If the people you invite are looking for an excuse to take a vacation, and can afford it, they will come to a destination wedding, and they MIGHT even give you a gift, but if they did not feel the need to give you a gift, because of the expenses they accrued, you would deserve it.
I have only been invited to one destination wedding, which was for my niece, who had already gotten legally married the year before. Because she was my sister's daughter, I grudgingly went to the expense of attending, but I was not happy about it. It felt like a selfish shake down, because it was.
Let's prune this whole thing down. If the people you invite are looking for an excuse to take a vacation, and can afford it, they will come to a destination wedding, and they MIGHT even give you a gift, but if they did not feel the need to give you a gift, because of the expenses they accrued, you would deserve it.
I have only been invited to one destination wedding, which was for my niece, who had already gotten legally married the year before. Because she was my sister's daughter, I grudgingly went to the expense of attending, but I was not happy about it. It felt like a selfish shake down, because it was.
Why on earth would you go? I am sure she would have rather had a nice card offering well wishes for the new couple, than a resentful guest.
Have you read any of the studies that show the more you spend on your wedding, the more likely you'll end in divorce? There are proven stats that show people who have modest weddings actually last longer in marriage than people who go all out. A marriage is not about ONE day. It's about a lifetime. You could do something more modest with your family, and then jet off to Disney and splurge all you want. Personally, I can't imagine an adult wanting to get married at a Disney theme park as it's very immature, but there is nothing wrong with honeymooning there and enjoying the park afterwards.
OP, have your Disney wedding and be done with it. I think what you're not getting is that traveling is a huge pain in the a** for some people. It's your day and your money, so do what you want but most people I know resent being forced to go to destination weddings. Your fiance's family obviously falls in that camp. Does it mean you should revolve everything around them? No, but stop with the "poor me" campaign already.
Personally, I can't imagine an adult wanting to get married at a Disney theme park as it's very immature, but there is nothing wrong with honeymooning there and enjoying the park afterwards.
And I can't imagine telling an adult their dream wedding/something that means something to them is immature. Yet I guess it happens.
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Anyway, big weddings aren't always for the "entitled" it depends on the culture. In my family we have big weddings and celebrations (my older sister would agree that I am spoiled though!) 
