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No, I think you're reading too much into why I mentioned the class. I mentioned it because we were talking about crafts, painting, etc. It REALLY doesn't matter to me whether she goes or not - except (and maybe this is petty but I don't care) I'm simply INTERESTED in whether she goes or not. What I mean is that I will have a good time with or without her. I am not going to save her seat - that's not how it works. If she signs up, she will get to sit next to me (I already put her name down as who I sit by IF she registers - if not, I don't care - and to be honest, I have several friends who go to these things and I am going to coordinate with them to see if they're going, and if not, I'm perfectly content by myself).
Not only that - I'll go this far: She told me she was going to register last night. I doubt seriously that she did, since she hasn't told me she has. Tomorrow I am going to reach out to several friends of mine who I know do these classes regularly and I am nearly positive at least one of them can go with me. I will make sure that the seat beside me is reserved for them. Heck, if two say yes, then one on either side! But if I sit next to a stranger, I really don't care. Maybe I'll meet someone fun and interesting! Who knows. I'm very independent and fearless when it comes to strangers or going and doing something by myself.
This is a sort of test. She says I'm right and justified to be annoyed and hurt when she flakes out on me. She says she's making an appt with her doctor Monday. Let's see if any of this has even sunk in.
THAT'S what you need to be reading into it - not whether or not I will be yearning for my friend if she doesn't show up. I have already decided not to include her in anything that actually hinges on whether or not she shows up.
So the friend takes medication for sleep and anxiety and may have some kind of dementia problem..... and you want her to go to a place where she'll be painting...... and drinking .
I'd be making sure my friend WASN'T drinking if she was on medication to sleep, to control anxiety and had memory problems. Not inviting her out for a "fun" afternoon of mixing alcohol with medication.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 01-17-2016 at 08:42 PM..
You mean what if she doesn't register, or doesn't show up?
I'm going to go on to the class like I planned, and have a good time as usual. I'll end up with a pretty good looking painting and I'll probably post it on Facebook. Then she'll respond with "Oh my gosh, why didn't you remind me of the class - you went without me!" and I'll say, "Your loss."
And the next time she wants to meet up I'll determine whether or not it coincides with something else that I'm doing. For instance, we met yesterday at Barnes and Noble, which was fine with me because I wanted to go there anyway and if she wasn't there by the time I was finished buying a book and drinking a cup of coffee, I was just going to leave. I guess this is the way I will handle any sort of meeting with her in the future and anything outside of those types of situations I'll just say "Sorry - that won't work for me."
Meanwhile, if she calls me (which she will), and starts talking about how she feels, I am going to say, "When is your appointment for a physical?" and when she says, "I haven't made it yet," I'll say "Well, then - I'm not going to talk with you about your health or your symptoms till you go to the doctor, since you told me that you were going to go immediately and so far you haven't even made the appointment."
I am to the point where I'm done being sweet and precious. I will still be her friend for the time being. I will still encourage her to get her health checked out and to make good decisions. But I am not going to coddle or enable her.
So the friend takes medication for sleep and anxiety and may have some kind of dementia problem..... and you want her to go to a place where she'll be painting...... and drinking .
I'd be making sure my friend WASN'T drinking if she was on medication to sleep, to control anxiety and had memory problems. Not inviting her out for a "fun" afternoon of mixing alcohol with medication.
1. I didn't invite her. She invited herself. It's a public class - she can go if she likes, that's up to her.
2. I don't think she has dementia, and neither does she. I think she may have a thyroid problem, clinical depression, vitamin deficiency, something like that. Regardless, she should go to the doctor to check it out.
3. She rarely drinks, even if she's over at my house and I pour myself a glass of wine, or out for dinner, or at an event like this. I doubt seriously she would drink anything - drinking is not required at these classes. I'm not on any meds - I'll probably drink two glasses of wine. In fact, I may go get a glass of wine right now.
I'll let her make that call and bring her own wine, if she bothers to come.
4. Painting is widely regarded as relaxing, therapeutic, etc. My friend is artistic. I can't imagine that a painting class would be too stressful for her.
5. As much as I care about her, I am not her keeper. It is not my responsibility to "make sure my friend is NOT drinking." She does a good job of that herself by the way. I've known her for nearly twenty years and never once seen her drink more than one drink during a whole evening, and she usually doesn't even finish that one. So no need for you to be concerned.
6. The class is an evening class - and it's a painting class, not a drinking class. Yes, you can bring something to drink if you like. Or not. Or you can bring food. Or a cake to share with the class. Or I guess sushi if you like.
Last edited by KathrynAragon; 01-17-2016 at 09:38 PM..
Is she a diabetic, or possibly undiagnosed diabetic? Unstabe glucose and Insulin levels can cause forgetfulness. That's actually how a few of my friends were diagnosed.
Is she a diabetic, or possibly undiagnosed diabetic? Unstabe glucose and Insulin levels can cause forgetfulness. That's actually how a few of my friends were diagnosed.
I doubt it because of no family history and her small build and slim weight but if she goes to the doctor for complete blood work I'm pretty sure they'll check her for that as well.
OK, so - still no word on her registering for the class. No hint that it's even crossed her mind since she last said, very enthusiastically, "I can't wait to go to that class together - it sounds like so much fun! I'm going to register for it as soon as I get home!" No acknowledgment that she got my FB message (though it shows she's read it). It's like we never even discussed it. A session of waterboarding would not get me to remind her of it or ask her about it again at this point.
Just got a text from her asking if I wanted to meet her in town for some shopping. I think not. I told her (truthfully) that I'm going out of town to spend a few days with a friend of mine several hours away and that I have to leave early in the morning, so I'll be out of pocket a few days. Whew. I can't wait to spend some time with a friend who is easier to be around and so much more reasonable and emotionally healthy!
I'm moving away from concern and toward irritation at this point. I think the odds are very high that 1) yes, her flakiness has some basis in a physical issue, and 2) that physical issue is very possibly caused by a drug interaction or side effect.
OK, so - still no word on her registering for the class. No hint that it's even crossed her mind since she last said, very enthusiastically, "I can't wait to go to that class together - it sounds like so much fun! I'm going to register for it as soon as I get home!" No acknowledgment that she got my FB message (though it shows she's read it). It's like we never even discussed it. A session of waterboarding would not get me to remind her of it or ask her about it again at this point.
Just got a text from her asking if I wanted to meet her in town for some shopping. I think not. I told her (truthfully) that I'm going out of town to spend a few days with a friend of mine several hours away and that I have to leave early in the morning, so I'll be out of pocket a few days. Whew. I can't wait to spend some time with a friend who is easier to be around and so much more reasonable and emotionally healthy!
I'm moving away from concern and toward irritation at this point. I think the odds are very high that 1) yes, her flakiness has some basis in a physical issue, and 2) that physical issue is very possibly caused by a drug interaction or side effect.
What did you expect? She hasn't had any intervention, seen a medical professional, nothing yet. You knew this was going to happen.
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