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I like the painting! Will you hang it up? And how did friend's turn out? Didn't you say she had a tremor?
Thank you!
Right now I have it propped up on top of my fridge - I think I like it there. We'll see!
My friend's tremor sort of comes and goes. It was present but not all that bad the night of the class. Her painting turned out looking very different from mine but everyone's was different, so that's what's so cool about those classes - that we all have our own interpretation of what we're painting. I think she is going to frame hers - she said her husband really liked it. So yay, us!
seriously? You would require a FRIEND to seek medical assistance before you will be a FRIEND? I get not putting up with nonsense on keeping you waiting, etc, and telling her what you just wrote, but requiring that a friend see a doctor is NOT being a friend. It's being a sanctimonious, controlling know it all.
You've never been involved in an intervention, I take it?
At the age of 13 I met someone who would become my best friend, really a sister to me. In our late 20s, she was prescribed some medication for anxiety. She was a completely different person on it - she experienced wild mood swings, became paranoid, and would have outbursts of anger. We talked and she said she knew there was something wrong. I urged her to talk to her doctor but she was afraid they would tell her she wasn't a good candidate for another medication. After a couple of months and some uncomfortable situations, I told her that when she was ready to address the med issue I would be there for her but until then I could no longer accept her behavior. She argued with me but I was firm. I haven't heard from her in several years now. Sometimes it has to be done.
OP, sometimes I think you have to make a hard decision. Even though your friend came through on painting day, she's likely to fall back into old habits. If it bothers you enough to make you as upset as you seem about it, it's worth drawing a line.
You've never been involved in an intervention, I take it?
At the age of 13 I met someone who would become my best friend, really a sister to me. In our late 20s, she was prescribed some medication for anxiety. She was a completely different person on it - she experienced wild mood swings, became paranoid, and would have outbursts of anger. We talked and she said she knew there was something wrong. I urged her to talk to her doctor but she was afraid they would tell her she wasn't a good candidate for another medication. After a couple of months and some uncomfortable situations, I told her that when she was ready to address the med issue I would be there for her but until then I could no longer accept her behavior. She argued with me but I was firm. I haven't heard from her in several years now. Sometimes it has to be done.
OP, sometimes I think you have to make a hard decision. Even though your friend came through on painting day, she's likely to fall back into old habits. If it bothers you enough to make you as upset as you seem about it, it's worth drawing a line.
Oh I agree. And thanks for the informative, balancing post by the way.
I do expect her to flake out on me again - and pretty soon. It hasn't been my experience that people change quickly - if at all. I am going to ask her about the doctor appointment the next time we get together or have a serious talk. And I've drawn my line in the sand now - I expect her to honor her commitments. I am also not going to wait around for her or accommodate perpetual postponements or changes of plans.
Based on her very quick and quite energetic response to me calling her hand on her perpetual lateness or flaking entirely, I do think that she has some control over this behavior and that it's probably not an illness that's causing it. It may, however, be something physical like a reaction to some meds or combination of meds.
She called and invited me to dinner on Saturday night. Saturday's weather was miserable and we mutually agreed not to brave it. She said, "Well, then let me take you to dinner Monday." (It's my birthday week and we always take the other out to eat for our birthdays.)
I said, "That sounds great!"
Just got a text from her - she's apparently in Dallas (an hour and a half away) and she says nothing about dinner - just "It's great to be in Dallas with family. Love you!"
Oh, the things I want to text back but will instead just say here. Things like:
"Great to hear from you - I was trying to figure out a way to weasel out of our dinner plans but you beat me to it!"
Or "Dinner? What dinner?"
But I am not going to respond at all. To be totally honest, I wasn't looking forward to it due to other circumstances that have nothing to do with her, but I was going to honor the commitment. Now I don't have to! But I am not going to answer that text. I just don't have it in me to be that civil or positive about the fun time she's having when once again, she has completely blown me off. And I think she knows it - which is why she texted me. Normally she wouldn't text me saying she was in Dallas or wherever.
It's just very curious to me - this perpetual habit of hers - calling me, making plans with me of her own volition, and then poof - they're just gone. It's very strange.
It is strange and disconcerting and it seems like this is her pattern (or a new pattern she has developed over a period of some time). At some point, when and if the aggravation far outweighs the pleasure of her company, you'll let her go.
She called and invited me to dinner on Saturday night. Saturday's weather was miserable and we mutually agreed not to brave it. She said, "Well, then let me take you to dinner Monday." (It's my birthday week and we always take the other out to eat for our birthdays.)
I said, "That sounds great!"
Just got a text from her - she's apparently in Dallas (an hour and a half away) and she says nothing about dinner - just "It's great to be in Dallas with family. Love you!"
Oh, the things I want to text back but will instead just say here. Things like:
"Great to hear from you - I was trying to figure out a way to weasel out of our dinner plans but you beat me to it!"
Or "Dinner? What dinner?"
But I am not going to respond at all. To be totally honest, I wasn't looking forward to it due to other circumstances that have nothing to do with her, but I was going to honor the commitment. Now I don't have to! But I am not going to answer that text. I just don't have it in me to be that civil or positive about the fun time she's having when once again, she has completely blown me off. And I think she knows it - which is why she texted me. Normally she wouldn't text me saying she was in Dallas or wherever.
It's just very curious to me - this perpetual habit of hers - calling me, making plans with me of her own volition, and then poof - they're just gone. It's very strange.
a people pleaser perhaps without the ability to follow through? she probably thinks she is being polite by saying oh lets get together but in reality she really doesn't want to so she flakes. many times the other person doesn't really care in the end so there is no real harm, as you posted turns out you really didn't want to go either. however it seems to bother you way more than her or she would keep her dates. put her on the back burner and don't worry about why she is a flake.
Yep, I'm getting pretty close to backing way off emotionally and literally. I think I may not take a few of her calls - which are frequent - probably every other day or so she calls. I think I am not going to answer her right away, not to play tit for tat but mainly because I am mentally tired of dealing with her on again, off again seesaw behavior. I mean, I am not COUNTING on her for anything, but it would be nice to think we have a pretty good chance of actually getting together when she says "Let's get together!"
I need a break from this. I do actually have friends who are more reliable and who seem to enjoy spending time with me as much as I enjoy spending time with them.
I just really do wonder about her psychological state. I hate to walk away from someone who may need my help - but I have to remind myself that I'm not the one walking away really - she is.
It's just difficult because of all the mixed messages.
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