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Old 04-30-2019, 01:20 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,511 posts, read 8,758,289 times
Reputation: 12192

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My wife puts her money where her mouth is. She adores her grandkids. More than that, they frequently stay overnight with us to relieve their two busy parents.

I, on the other hand, have an 8 month old grandson, but he lives with his parents in London. Still, I have met up with him three times, twice in London and once in France on a climbing expedition. He is my life-line to the future.
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Old 04-30-2019, 03:08 AM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 17 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,467 posts, read 14,312,551 times
Reputation: 23243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanseej View Post
I have no grandchildren. Never wanted any and will never have any.
That's good I guess. How did you manage to arrange for your own kids to fall in line with your wants? What happens if that changes in the future?
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Old 04-30-2019, 07:32 AM
 
12,108 posts, read 6,687,780 times
Reputation: 12955
Sometimes, they have a favorite grandchild. Or a favored kid whose kids get all the attention and the other grands get ignored. You don't always hear about that part.
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Old 04-30-2019, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,026 posts, read 54,537,410 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Sometimes, they have a favorite grandchild. Or a favored kid whose kids get all the attention and the other grands get ignored. You don't always hear about that part.
This is true. My friend said that about her mother-in-law. The MIL loved my friend's daughter, and when they came over for an extended family event, the MIL would see her darling granddaughter coming and sort of push the other kids out of the way. She felt so bad for the other kids.

Sometimes grandparents also favor the children of a favored child. I remember my grandfather as a mean, nasty old man, always yelling at us and telling us to just be quiet. He didn't much care for my mother, who was his oldest and just a girl and therefore of no value. The sun rose and set in my uncle, his first son, and my cousins have these wonderful memories of a grandfather who brought them gifts and played with them and took them to baseball games. He died when I was 13 and I remember feeling a little guilty because I didn't feel bad. Meanwhile, my cousins were tearful and boohooing at the funeral parlor, and my sibs and I were like, "Give it up already. He was a jerk."
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Old 04-30-2019, 08:02 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,051,434 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
Sometimes, they have a favorite grandchild. Or a favored kid whose kids get all the attention and the other grands get ignored. You don't always hear about that part.
OMG yes! I never realized how bad this can get. One sibling would just take over a family event with stories about her grandson. I would just listen. But then one day another sibling said - why can't she stop talking about that kid. Then i saw it in a different light.

And it wasn't good.
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Old 04-30-2019, 08:05 AM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,642,138 times
Reputation: 13548
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
This is true. My friend said that about her mother-in-law. The MIL loved my friend's daughter, and when they came over for an extended family event, the MIL would see her darling granddaughter coming and sort of push the other kids out of the way. She felt so bad for the other kids.

Sometimes grandparents also favor the children of a favored child. I remember my grandfather as a mean, nasty old man, always yelling at us and telling us to just be quiet. He didn't much care for my mother, who was his oldest and just a girl and therefore of no value. The sun rose and set in my uncle, his first son, and my cousins have these wonderful memories of a grandfather who brought them gifts and played with them and took them to baseball games. He died when I was 13 and I remember feeling bad because I didn't feel bad.
I was the favored grandchild of my gran and it set an unpleasant lifetime of hatred and resentment towards me from my sister. My sister was never a sweet child and got even worse as an adult , so gran favoring me didnít help but even after 50 years it was thrown in my face. As a mother and a grandparent I would never play favorites, itís a terrible thing to do to children.
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Old 04-30-2019, 09:25 AM
 
4,792 posts, read 11,971,217 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanseej View Post
I'm at an age where my peers all have grandchildren. One has a great grand.
I have no grandchildren. Never wanted any and will never have any. I was not close with my own grandparents. I'm not patient with children, and have no interest in them.

These women are very invested in their GC. All conversations will quickly become about who had babies or is starting school or other activities. They try to show me pictures. And of course social media posts are filled with this fascination. Many of these women do other things. But they fit it in around the GC.

What is the big deal about your son's or daughter's children?
Did you have children of your own?
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Round Rock, Texas
10,776 posts, read 10,183,828 times
Reputation: 14302
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
I don't care at all that they are passionately interested in their grandchildren. Good for them. I just wonder why they don't realize that all their friends are not as passionate about, perhaps not even mildly interested in, someone else's grandchildren.

I'm sure other grandparents get it. Not being one, when Grandma posts 12 photos with captions like "Seriously, these are the cutest kids on the the planet!" or "I'm the luckiest MiMi EVER!" (to use actual quotes from a FB "friend"), I feel a little embarrassed for her. Especially when the kids aren't even that cute.
that type of stuff doesn't bother me. if that's her love then so be it. in the case of FB you just scroll on. IRL you just politely listen and then change the subject.

don't see what the big deal is or why anyone would get terribly bothered. i listen to people talking about their dogs or their house or whatever.

she doesn't need your feeling of embarrassment. "Cute" is subjective, and what you consider to not be cute others may disagree. Also, it's kind of a given that a grandparent would think that their kid is "the cutest". again, doesn't bother me.
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Old 04-30-2019, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,374 posts, read 7,918,717 times
Reputation: 53477
I never had children yet, I have 17 kids in my life and, one is a grandmother. One is pregnant now with her second. Some others's have children of their own as well, and the youngest is 6. I've never had any interest in reproducing and I hated baby sitting, yet, I have these amazing beings in my life. The three boys that lived across the street have been in my life for over 20 years now. It broke my heart when they moved away and it's always a joy when they come to visit. They bring their friends and girlfriends with them and it's always so much fun. I don't think I'd feel any different about them if they were related. Kids are such a joy, even the big ones I had one of the best Easter's ever when the 6 year old spent the night along with our neighbors 7 year old. That's a lot of energy.
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Old 04-30-2019, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Western MA
1,593 posts, read 1,038,610 times
Reputation: 4116
Quote:
Originally Posted by craigiri View Post
Many people don't know what they miss...and that's fine too. My bro isn't married, doesn't have kids and doesn't really like them much.

However - there is another part of this which is historical and that is what my mom told my bro "you won't have anyone to take care of you and keep you company when you get old"....

As Adults most of us make these calculations in with all the other ones. Not to say anything is guaranteed, but when you have friendly relations with your relations you are more likely to have people who care when the chit hits the fan...if it does.
So, your brother should have children so that he'll have someone to take care of him when he's old? That is an incredibly selfish and self-centered reason to bring a child into the world.

One should have a child because they passionately want to raise another human being (and has the means to do so). If you are only having a child as some insurance against future loneliness and/or as a future caretaker for your old age, you are doing it for pretty much the worst reasons.
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