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There is one interesting aspect to the article, and that is the idea that Chinese mothers are very hard on their kids because they believe they are capable of perfection.
Why would a parent issue expectations to their child that he/she needs to be perfect? Sure, striving for excellence (doing the best you can), contribution, compassion and kindness are wonderful things to instill. But perfection? Why? For what? It's neither possible, needed, necessary nor FUN.
I can't remember who said it (probably multiple people), but "learning from mistakes" is a strength builder. Learning resilience in the face of setbacks is important. Expecting perfection is only going to result in disappointment, especially for the child.
We live in a neighborhood of all Asians and are maybe one of a handful of families not Asian. My child's elementary school will be 35% Asian. I hear our neighbors child playing the piano for hours a day... maybe they fall into this type of parenting category, but I don't know more. BUT, my child's friend across the street does not have this type of parenting despite both of her parents being born and raised in China. They actually comment on how smart and disciplined my child is... really because I work though reading and addition/subtraction and other things with my child all of the time. And our child knows our expectations of her. (They are measured for her age and development).
I do agree with the author though that musical training is very important in brain development. I will have both my child play a musical instrument and practice a lot. However, I would never push my child at the piano like the author says she did. Horrible... and to call her child garbage... horrible.
Why would a parent issue expectations to their child that he/she needs to be perfect? Sure, striving for excellence (doing the best you can), contribution, compassion and kindness are wonderful things to instill. But perfection? Why? For what? It's neither possible, needed, necessary nor FUN.
I can't remember who said it (probably multiple people), but "learning from mistakes" is a strength builder. Learning resilience in the face of setbacks is important. Expecting perfection is only going to result in disappointment, especially for the child.
I didn't say that. I said that we sometimes forget kids are capable. I never said they should only strive to be perfect.
In fact, I also said this:
Quote:
The problem being, that by definition, only ONE person can be the best at something. And because we live in a chaotic world, nothing will truly ever be perfect. So one spends their whole lives chasing the unattainable. Sounds like an unfulfilled life of pursing that which doesn't exist, to me.
You need to direct your why? comments at Chinese mothers, not me.
I tell my kids all the time that I will only love them if/when they're perfect. And I encourage them to fight for my approval/love. I've suggested death matches a couple times.
They roll their eyes at me though when I do this. But they get straight A's so I guess it's working.
I tell my kids all the time that I will only love them if/when they're perfect. And I encourage them to fight for my approval/love. I've suggested death matches a couple times.
They roll their eyes at me though when I do this. But they get straight A's so I guess it's working.
Haha - thanks for posting this. I guess the response wasn't quite what she expected?
How could she have expected it when she lives in a bubble? She must never leave her house! She has to stay home to crack that whip 24/7!
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