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Not to go OT or anything, but to be completely honest -- reading all of these posts makes me seriously wish marriage in society today was more like it was, in the distant past
Marriage today = anything goes = moral relativism = kids and pre-marital intimacy optional (and even marriage itself, as entirely optional)
Marriage ("yesterday") = actually meant something important, was much more significant, and not treated lightly or trivialized; much more revered as an institution; most ppl actually *waited* (gasp!) to be intimate, until after marriage; children from a married union were more revered and treasured, rather than being looked on as a burden to the overall relationship.
Today's modern society makes a complete joke and mockery, of what marriage used to be, IMO.
Marriage "yesterday" was basically lifelong companionship according to church. Nowadays we interpret marriage from our own perspective. Today it's no longer up to religious leaders to tell us how to be married. People can now stand up for themselves and recognize when a relationship is not working. Marriage today is what you make of it, not what the Pope tells you to make of it.
That all being said, my opinion is that most people do not value marriage enough today. Divorces are a dime a dozen and seem to many to be less consequential. When this institution was governed by religion, people stayed in bad relationships. People have not become any more adept at picking their partners (not yet at least), but the high divorce rate is indicative of a lack of "higher power" influence. It would have been the exact same 50 years ago if religion was as sparse as it is today.
Now that we are able to interpret marriage in our own way, the quality of the relationship rests solely upon you and your partner's shoulders. Most people aren't willing to work for their marriage so the relationship begins to slip and divorces are very easy to get. I hope to marry someone one day that values our relationship as much as I do. This person needs to realize that there will be good times and bad, and that lulls and ruts are but obstacles in our journey. Too many out there do not put enough effort into their marriage for it to be worth saving (to them). I know I surely will, so it comes down to me to find someone who is willing to join me in that effort.
The average Joe complaining about child support, which is what's actually prevalent vs the minority rich guy and his ex, simply does not want to pay his kid's way. He wants you, me, and every other tax payer to deal with his obligations. That's the reality.
If I had a quarter for every time I've seen a divorced man try to skip out on that responsibility, I could take you to lunch somewhere with white tablecloths.
My friend's ex is trying to shaft her now with respect to that. She has custody (which he not only agreed to, but suggested) and lets him see his daughter whenever he wants. He has gone entire months without seeing the child, or seeing the child only once--by his own choice.
So then the dingbat sends my friend a text saying that if he doesn't have joint custody, he doesn't want to pay any child support and she will have to tell their daughter why daddy doesn't come around anymore.
Umm? He barely sees the kid as it is, even though he is welcome to at any time. His own parents just enjoyed a vacation with the child for nearly 3 weeks.
Nope. He just doesn't want to pay for the child's support. He sees the child as an expense, not a little girl and his daughter--and I'm sure the judge will look kindly on the written evidence of that.
Marriage is what you make of it. We are all free to live our own lives the way that is best for us personally. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or what anyone else does. Premarital sex does not equal moral relativism to me. For me - it is actually a prerequisite for marriage. But we are all free to make our own decisions.
My marriage is sacred to me. It is important to me. My husband feels the same way. And just for the record - my great-grandmother was married multiple times. People tend to idealize the past. Human nature is human nature. People have always had affairs, people have always had premarital sex, people have always done stupid things - they are just more out in the open now than they used to be.
It doesn't matter if you think other people don't take marriage seriously - all that matters in your life is what you think of it. The right person for you will share your beliefs and ideals.
That’s right but it is common for a man to be interested in women below his level. Something that is not AS COMMON with women who rather be with a man who is above her level. So if a guy who is, say, a waiter, wants to date that Wall Street woman, he’ll need more than luck to make that happen. This is not a bad thing, it’s just how it is.
Indeed, tho people want all kinds of things, but again, the reality is that likes go with likes. Well, according to census at least. Also, proximity is a main player. The waiter most likely won't run in the same social circles as the Wall Street woman to meet her in the first place. And if he happens to have chance meetings, it's likely they don't have all that much in common. I don't see how it's much different with the gender reversal. Where exactly is the waitress going to meet her fantasy physician?
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Someone simply being with someone above her level, that’s all.
As I raised, that's up for interpretation. The salesman earning 60k who hooks up with the admin assistant earning 40k is not a marrying up or down situation. Not imo, at least.
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Women want to look pretty for themselves, compete against other women, and maybe their men. But since when do you hear women change their style just because their man told them they look better with short hair or something. Women would scream “control†right off the bat.
I don't think it's that direct or individualized. I think it's a matter of societal influences of what constitutes sexiness for women and that's largely directed by men, for men. eta: sort of. I think folk in general might not be making their own choices in many regards as to what is attractive.
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Anyways, a man can include expenses that he can relate to his girl and it would be the same thing: spending money on maintaining his car in good shape to take his girl out all over the place, the insurance he pays for his car, how hard he works to have money to spend on her and she can see he will be a good provider, and so on. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and when a guy meets a girl it’s not like she’s on high heels, with a hairstyle she just got from the beauty salon that night, etc. Just think of the typical settings where people meet: the coffee shop, school, the bar, etc. It’s not like women go to those places just like they would to a wedding or a special elegant fancy event. A man’s income level, his job title, the car he drives, his degree, etc. is so darn important to the masses of women. He has to do something about it if he ever wants to score and show those traits women mention over and over they want to see in a man: someone who can provide, someone who can offer security, someone above their level or at least the same, etc.
I think these women, those who fall to pressures, are doing their best with their looks. If a man's income, career, etc were really as important as you state, then the majority of households would not be comprised of such poor earners, but they are. I think a bit of this is internet hyperbole. All the <100/k women earners are not holding out for a guy with a great career. Or are they?
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I know, huh? Lol I was looking for a hippie smiley but couldn't find one.
That’s right, depends on the couple. The girls I go out with and I can enjoy activities ranging from rock climbing, hiking, discovering a new recipe and giving it a try with friends, checking out international films, etc. to fancy dinning, travelling on vacation together, theater, etc. When it comes to dropping cash, it goes both ways right off the bat since date #1. It seems to work just fine with them and me. Everybody has their style.
Yep, and there are plenty of them out there. There's usually somebody for everybody. Again, IRT internet, people might make claims about their demands and wants, but I wouldn't be surprised if their off line activities didn't align all too well with their online rhetoric.
So then the dingbat sends my friend a text saying that if he doesn't have joint custody, he doesn't want to pay any child support and she will have to tell their daughter why daddy doesn't come around anymore.
His thinking is odd and he's clearly misinformed. Joint custody would relieve him of child support.
His thinking is odd and he's clearly misinformed. Joint custody would relieve him of child support.
I'm just glad she made him sign a pre-nup. The house was--and remains--hers. Also, she was the primary wage earner while he futzed around with part-time jobs. He has since been engaged two or three times. My guess is that he's looking for his next source of income. The delicious irony is that he gets all bent out of shape when the women tell him they don't make enough to support him. That's when he starts this crap about child support.
But, you know, only women can be materialistic jerks out to soak someone for all they're worth.
Indeed, tho people want all kinds of things, but again, the reality is that likes go with likes. Well, according to census at least. Also, proximity is a main player. The waiter most likely won't run in the same social circles as the Wall Street woman to meet her in the first place. And if he happens to have chance meetings, it's likely they don't have all that much in common. I don't see how it's much different with the gender reversal. Where exactly is the waitress going to meet her fantasy physician?
Marriage ("yesterday") = actually meant something important, was much more significant, and not treated lightly or trivialized; much more revered as an institution; most ppl actually *waited* (gasp!) to be intimate, until after marriage; children from a married union were more revered and treasured, rather than being looked on as a burden to the overall relationship.
Some of the guys in this thread might have a chance with gypsy...now.
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I was looking for a hippie smiley but couldn't find one.
