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You know, Im not sure that basing self worth on something external like a career is a smart choice. Your career can be impacted by so many different things that you have no control over, so youre really giving up your ability to keep your self worth in check. Throughout the years I figured out that its healthy to base things like self worth, on something internal - like your own opinion of yourself and your ability to meet your own standards - because you can always fully control that.
Yeah, and I've always heard that....self worth has to come from within. I mean, I'm not materialistic at all, I just want a "good" life (ie: stability and a family, with a halfway enjoyable career). Unfortunately, I don't know how to derive my self worth from within when I've failed at the major things I've strived for in life (career, marriage, etc). I even consider being introverted a major weakness. I know in reality it isn't, but I feel like it is. It has cost me jobs and success, both personally and professionally. I'm not a social misfit, but I'm not comfortable talking about myself or meeting random people. It stresses me out and tires me. So with all of these perceived weaknesses and disappointments, how do I have strong self esteem? Thats the multi-million dollar question I've tried to figure out for nearly 20 years, even before the career and marriage collapse.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine last night. She told me I needed to have faith and that I have none. I'm not a religious guy, but I have tried to develop faith, but when prayers go unanswered, how does faith help? I know what most people say, its not in your time, but G*d's time. Well, that sounds like sort of a weak response to me. I go back and forth as to weather I'm a believer or not. As someone who is analytical, having "blind faith" is hard for me. So her point was that I need to "let go, and let G*d". OK, well, been there, done that. Didn't work. Again, her response had to do with G*d's timing. So the conversation went in circles, leaving me more frustrated.
Consider the last 24 hours the last straw for me and dating. I sent about 15 messages to women on a couple of dating sites. Not just hey how are you , but I read through their profiles and found a couple of things we could connect on, but that still isn't enough. Nearly all of them looked at my profile and read my message and not a single response.
I'm facing facts here. I'm not physically attractive. I'm not very interesting. I'm never going to have what a girl wants. I've got to accept it, dating and me are never going to mix.
(Alcohol and frustration are beginning to wear off)
Okay, just what the makes ladies respond to you when you ain't got much that they want?
Nothing, and don't believe that 'real life' is any different. I've never online dated and my experiences are largely the same. Ignored and rejected...
You just have to not care and go through a lot of numbers until a woman gives you a chance. You'll know when she does. You can still lose at that point, but at least you have a chance.
Keep trying and keep working on jading yourself to rejection ...
Yeah, and I've always heard that....self worth has to come from within. I mean, I'm not materialistic at all, I just want a "good" life (ie: stability and a family, with a halfway enjoyable career). Unfortunately, I don't know how to derive my self worth from within when I've failed at the major things I've strived for in life (career, marriage, etc). I even consider being introverted a major weakness. I know in reality it isn't, but I feel like it is. It has cost me jobs and success, both personally and professionally. I'm not a social misfit, but I'm not comfortable talking about myself or meeting random people. It stresses me out and tires me. So with all of these perceived weaknesses and disappointments, how do I have strong self esteem? Thats the multi-million dollar question I've tried to figure out for nearly 20 years, even before the career and marriage collapse.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine last night. She told me I needed to have faith and that I have none. I'm not a religious guy, but I have tried to develop faith, but when prayers go unanswered, how does faith help? I know what most people say, its not in your time, but G*d's time. Well, that sounds like sort of a weak response to me. I go back and forth as to weather I'm a believer or not. As someone who is analytical, having "blind faith" is hard for me. So her point was that I need to "let go, and let G*d". OK, well, been there, done that. Didn't work. Again, her response had to do with G*d's timing. So the conversation went in circles, leaving me more frustrated.
Its not an easy thing. Ive struggled with some of these things in the past, but Ive never given up and continued to work at it. It can be a long process, but the most important thing is to know exactly where you stand at the current moment and you seem to have arrived there. Im also introverted for the most part, and its not a negative trait at all, in fact its something unique that I appreciate. All it really means is that we recharge by being alone while extroverts recharge while being with others. Its a long process to rebuild oneself but as soon as a person starts taking the steps in the right direction, things look a lot brighter. self improvement is a life long often difficult journey. Spirituality (not necessarily a religion) plays a major role as well. I think sometimes we just need to find someone who believes in us, or for something to happen in life to realize what we need to do and how to start appreciating things that we have always thought of as negatives. Getting away from negativity can be a huge step, and instead working hard on finding positive in everything that happens in our lives. A big one for me was when i learn to seperate myself from my thoughts by giving them a logical test. Voices in our heads which never stop. are often simply gibberish and if you challenge it from a logical standpoint, it turns out they are often laughable. At times a person may need to seek a counsel. good luck.
Yeah, and I've always heard that....self worth has to come from within. I mean, I'm not materialistic at all, I just want a "good" life (ie: stability and a family, with a halfway enjoyable career). Unfortunately, I don't know how to derive my self worth from within when I've failed at the major things I've strived for in life (career, marriage, etc). I even consider being introverted a major weakness. I know in reality it isn't, but I feel like it is. It has cost me jobs and success, both personally and professionally. I'm not a social misfit, but I'm not comfortable talking about myself or meeting random people. It stresses me out and tires me. So with all of these perceived weaknesses and disappointments, how do I have strong self esteem? Thats the multi-million dollar question I've tried to figure out for nearly 20 years, even before the career and marriage collapse.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine last night. She told me I needed to have faith and that I have none. I'm not a religious guy, but I have tried to develop faith, but when prayers go unanswered, how does faith help? I know what most people say, its not in your time, but G*d's time. Well, that sounds like sort of a weak response to me. I go back and forth as to weather I'm a believer or not. As someone who is analytical, having "blind faith" is hard for me. So her point was that I need to "let go, and let G*d". OK, well, been there, done that. Didn't work. Again, her response had to do with G*d's timing. So the conversation went in circles, leaving me more frustrated.
I'm going to make one last ditch attempt with you, and then I will walk away
And I mean this in the most sincere, kind way possible...
Whining about what you want (a "good" life) is never going to get you that. NEVER.
Whining is for children. It is very unbecoming in a man.
Children whine for what they want because they know they have no power and have to rely on someone else to give it to them.
But as an adult you, and only you, are responsible for your life and where you go/what you get out of it.
You sound too logical for your own good too since you have become quite adept at justifying so much of what you do/aren't doing.
GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP.
You need a therapist, or a mentor or just a good life coach.
You have been on this site for eons now spouting the same old tired rhetoric. Aren't YOU as tired of it as I am?? SERIOUSLY?? Don't you really want anything to change??
Because until you man up a bit and take control of your life it won't.
The only thing more pathetic than you at your age (almost 40 now right?) still behaving this way, is you being 10 years older and still behaving this way.
Please, I so want you to have a "good" life and be happy, please want that for yourself. You can't just say that's what you want though - you have to actively go out and DO something to make it happen.
Yeah, and I've always heard that....self worth has to come from within. I mean, I'm not materialistic at all, I just want a "good" life (ie: stability and a family, with a halfway enjoyable career). Unfortunately, I don't know how to derive my self worth from within when I've failed at the major things I've strived for in life (career, marriage, etc). I even consider being introverted a major weakness. I know in reality it isn't, but I feel like it is. It has cost me jobs and success, both personally and professionally. I'm not a social misfit, but I'm not comfortable talking about myself or meeting random people. It stresses me out and tires me. So with all of these perceived weaknesses and disappointments, how do I have strong self esteem? Thats the multi-million dollar question I've tried to figure out for nearly 20 years, even before the career and marriage collapse.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine last night. She told me I needed to have faith and that I have none. I'm not a religious guy, but I have tried to develop faith, but when prayers go unanswered, how does faith help? I know what most people say, its not in your time, but G*d's time. Well, that sounds like sort of a weak response to me. I go back and forth as to weather I'm a believer or not. As someone who is analytical, having "blind faith" is hard for me. So her point was that I need to "let go, and let G*d". OK, well, been there, done that. Didn't work. Again, her response had to do with G*d's timing. So the conversation went in circles, leaving me more frustrated.
that statement is considered 'whining' yet it's true for many many people. but don't expect people to actually comprehend this, they are stuck on the optimism wheel and in their minds there's no other 'valid' way for people to feel.
Consider the last 24 hours the last straw for me and dating. I sent about 15 messages to women on a couple of dating sites. Not just hey how are you , but I read through their profiles and found a couple of things we could connect on, but that still isn't enough. Nearly all of them looked at my profile and read my message and not a single response.
I'm facing facts here. I'm not physically attractive. I'm not very interesting. I'm never going to have what a girl wants. I've got to accept it, dating and me are never going to mix.
(Alcohol and frustration are beginning to wear off)
Okay, just what the makes ladies respond to you when you ain't got much that they want?
The 1st thing you need to do is to build up your confidence. Youve already lost before youve even started. Women can sense confidence (even online). 2nd thing is to get off online dating sites and go out in the field. You can use online dating to supplement real life dating. What things do you like to do? Try out some different activities. Keep up with current events since that is a good conversation starter.
What worked for me was I was a little rude with the girls that I sent a message to... I got back instant responses and started a conversation real quick.
So, for example, one woman took pics of herself in the bathroom right next to the toilet and I told her that taking pics in a messy bathroom next to a toilet was disgusting.
Anyhow, sad to say, you want to introduce yourself in a very informal unorthodox way.
This does work because your response was different then the rest of the men. Most men would reply "oh your so hot, so beautiful etc.." If you can respond the women in a different way then you can attract their attention. After that then the ball is in your court. Be a little mysterious helps as well.
that statement is considered 'whining' yet it's true for many many people. but don't expect people to actually comprehend this, they are stuck on the optimism wheel and in their minds there's no other 'valid' way for people to feel.
Exactly, and what loves mountains is missing is that I've done everything she's suggesting (therapy, mentor, coach, support groups, and the list goes on and on and on). I'm also not a whiner, its just my interpretation of the FACTS that I am stating.
Online isn't a good place for a 20 something male to meet women unless you are incredibly good looking. You are writing to the same women men slightly older than you are often writing, and they have the stat that matters most - stability in the way of a better defined career. (Or to be more blunt about it, they have more money than you.)
You are better off meeting women in real life where you have the opportunity to present a charming personality; right now you are just a picture, a height stat and a job, all of which are outmatched by other men. If you insist on staying the course with online dating, you probably will be better off writing to less physically desirable women, because the cute thin ones are going to feel they can do better than you. And despite the fact that most women will disagree with me, having more money puts you at a distinct advantage.
One other thing, if you have a negative, argumentative handle like the one you use here, I suggest you change it. I would not open a message from a guy calling himself The Dissenter or anything else that sounds like your life is just one long debate or a challenge.
Exactly, and what loves mountains is missing is that I've done everything she's suggesting (therapy, mentor, coach, support groups, and the list goes on and on and on). I'm also not a whiner, its just my interpretation of the FACTS that I am stating.
Man, you don't need anything. Just take a little bit of a chill pill and stop worrying about the stuff going on in your life.
You have undoubtedly done things that are good, so focus on them. No one goes through life without making their fare share of mistakes. Just work toward where you want to be, no one gets there on their first try. Don't think about what you don't have, instead focus on what you have and what you are willing to work for.
Don't respond with "I've already tried" we have ALL tried, and well.. it takes more than one attempt. Keep your head up, realize your own value and work towards more.
The only place negativity is going to land you is being alone in a basement, posting on forums about how difficult life is.
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, but I read through their profiles and found a couple of things we could connect on, but that still isn't enough. Nearly all of them looked at my profile and read my message and not a single response. 
