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This is one of the biggest misconceptions preventing men and women from getting together. A lot of good-looking women don't have anyone approaching them, because (as we saw on a very recent thread on this topic) men tend to assume the good-looking ones are already taken, or they feel the women are "out of their league". Meanwhile, the women are wondering why guys never talk to them. You get women's attention by being interesting and/or funny. You get their attention by saying "hello" (or equivalent). It doesn't take much.
Another mistake men make is to not follow through on the signals a woman gives them when the guy does manage to start a convo. She may be smiling, making eye contact, and participating enthusiastically in the conversation, but some guys are so discouraged about the process in general, or are so lacking in confidence, they miss the signals and walk away. Once you make the sales pitch, so to speak, and present yourself, you have to close the deal by asking if you could see her sometime, or asking for her number, or offering to buy her a coffee.
YES.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ASOT
I used to be bad about this, and perhaps still am to some extent.
Or sometimes, we get bad signals and assume something else. Story time:
I live in a large condo/apt complex and see this one girl regularly, usually in the parking lot at the crack of dawn, though a few times in the elevator as well. I find her attractive, and I sense she likely does as well (our eyes have met a few times from a distance, among other things). Thing is though, I always got negative vibes from her but I never really thought much of it until very recently... even with sparse, light interaction she just seemed really down/unhappy/lonely and uninterested at times... not in the "stay away from me you creep" way... so I kept interaction light. Like, one time I stepped off the elevator, said "have a good day" as I normally do with anyone here and she said "bye" with a rather depressing/lonely tone and facial expression.
Well a week ago, I was laying out at the pool, and as I walked over to the water fountain before jumping in again to cool off, I saw her there in the patio/grill area with her new boyfriend. A few days ago on my way to work, I stepped on the elevator and she was seemingly different... seemed more happy with proper posture and talkative... maybe because she's taken now. I'm not inclined to interfere since she's taken and I respect that, but now I'm kicking myself for thinking she was uninterested.
She sounds like me
Easy explanations:
- general shyness
- introverted personality....being lost in introspection looks "depressed" to the more extroverted types because they experience less brain stimulation when not interacting, whereas when interacting, introverts can get overstimulated (ie. overwhelmed) which is why they may pull back & not meet your energy level. This is also often read as disinterest, sometimes as snobbiness, and other times as being a downer.
- happier when in a relationship, so the melancholy vibe means she's single & probably WANTS someone to pursue her
This is one of the biggest misconceptions preventing men and women from getting together. A lot of good-looking women don't have anyone approaching them, because (as we saw on a very recent thread on this topic) men tend to assume the good-looking ones are already taken, or they feel the women are "out of their league". Meanwhile, the women are wondering why guys never talk to them. You get women's attention by being interesting and/or funny. You get their attention by saying "hello" (or equivalent). It doesn't take much.
Another mistake men make is to not follow through on the signals a woman gives them when the guy does manage to start a convo. She may be smiling, making eye contact, and participating enthusiastically in the conversation, but some guys are so discouraged about the process in general, or are so lacking in confidence, they miss the signals and walk away. Once you make the sales pitch, so to speak, and present yourself, you have to close the deal by asking if you could see her sometime, or asking for her number, or offering to buy her a coffee.
So very true. Inability to read body language is the biggest detriment to social interactions.
That's nonsense. I've had plenty of interactions with women where we talked for quite a while, seemingly had a great time together and she turned me down when I tried to ask for a date
I used to be big believer in "if you feel that there's attraction, you should be good" but the last year or so, it's opened my eyes
The problem is you're so desperate for a date that you think every woman who speaks to you must be interested in you romantically/sexually.
And what does "tried to ask for a date" mean? In the immortal words of Yoda; "Do or do not, there is no try."
The problem is you're so desperate for a date that you think every woman who speaks to you must be interested in you romantically/sexually.
And what does "tried to ask for a date" mean? In the immortal words of Yoda; "Do or do not, there is no try."
And what if he is desperate? If he would not be desperate he would be OK? Ok this is my line for this week: "I'm desperate I want date you". I like you guys, you give me new ideas.
If dating is a "market", then asking for a date is a negotiation. Being desperate, or at least appearing to be desperate, is a devastating weakness in negotiating. You get a lower price if the salesman thinks that you don't really need the product, that you have alternative options, that you're entirely willing to walk away without regrets; that if you're really good, this is no dissimulation or facade, but your genuine position. The same, one supposes, with dating. Confidence is not the dogged faith that one is right, but that human interactions are all contingent, and never essential; that one always retains the power to walk away.
So the key is negotiation-skills, not as "skills" in the sense of clever tactics, but a cultivation of genuine advantage.
And there was thread how man should mind his business and women will show up. If none do nothing nothing will happen. Someone need to approach.
People just need to choose the right direction where to go and one day they will reach this place. No troubles, no doubts, no fears.
Maybe it's too simple. But in simplicity the truth is.
IMHO
This is one of the biggest misconceptions preventing men and women from getting together. A lot of good-looking women don't have anyone approaching them, because (as we saw on a very recent thread on this topic) men tend to assume the good-looking ones are already taken, or they feel the women are "out of their league". Meanwhile, the women are wondering why guys never talk to them. You get women's attention by being interesting and/or funny. You get their attention by saying "hello" (or equivalent). It doesn't take much.
Another mistake men make is to not follow through on the signals a woman gives them when the guy does manage to start a convo. She may be smiling, making eye contact, and participating enthusiastically in the conversation, but some guys are so discouraged about the process in general, or are so lacking in confidence, they miss the signals and walk away. Once you make the sales pitch, so to speak, and present yourself, you have to close the deal by asking if you could see her sometime, or asking for her number, or offering to buy her a coffee.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
That means you misread the signals.
Look at it from the women's point of view. Women want sex as much as men do (and relationships). If she is attracted to you, there is almost nothing that will stop her from banging you. So if she is not banging you, that means she is not attracted. If you thought she was, you were wrong.
The key part here is: Use your mistakes to correct your sensors. If you thought she was attracted and she was not, learn from that. Adjust your reading of signals so that you will know next time. Learn to distinguish polite responses from intellectual interest from sexual interest.
You know what's really preventing men and women from getting together? All of these nonsensical rules and entitlement women have about us reading their "signals." Why is (majority of the time) approaching so one-sided? Look, we're not mind readers. If you're interested, YOU can make the first move also. Be direct...don't play mind games. There's a great chance the guy will say "yes" anyway. Hot guys get approached sometimes, but it's few and far between for us average (and below) Joes.
Furthermore, plenty of guys who do approach are generally called "creepy", that is, unless they're very attractive. Regardless of that, we're still generally expected to approach and hope we're not labeled as "creepy" or a "stalker" in the process. We have to endure the harshness that is the bit*hface. This is what discourages us from trying even if we do think we see signals, which as NilaJones said, is not always there. It's all too confusing.
Speaking of confusing:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Women generally don't speak to strangers who accost them in the street. Unless they're strolling through a residential neighborhood where it's the custom to greet people you pass.
Kid, I thought Southerners traditionally are very friendly...?
Wait...I thought women wanted to be approached? I thought they wondered why men don't approach? See how the rules changed again? Now they don't want us to approach? Which is it?
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