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Some guys (not all) wish we had the relationships right before marriage and can freeze that time. That was when we liked you best. You weren't grumpy from taking care of kids, tired all the time, yelling at us for not earning enough, etc. You were adventurous, generous lovers, exciting, funny, the very best you.
Are these generalizations? Sure, but they happen often enough for them to be stereotypes, jokes, in movies, plots in books, etc. and this is the reality of my world between me, uncles, friends, co-workers, etc. and I’m sure many others here.
That's okay, some women (not all) liked men best right before they marry and let themselves go, become self-absorbed, sit with their hand in their pants with the remote in the other one, grunt and fart, go bald, grow a beer gut, complain about their job incessantly, lay on the couch and expect to be waited on, don't participate in child-rearing...etc.
Are these generalizations? Sure, but they happen often enough for them to be stereotypes, jokes, in movies, plots in books, etc. and this is the reality of my world between.....
Oh wait, that's not my reality...
It seems like you just picked wrong...though it's not surprising if you grew up around relationships like that...we tend to gravitate towards the familiar.
I know he was a drive by OP but I think I understand the spirit of his question, and I think some of you are missing it. He is NOT saying women go into marriage just looking for a big payday.
He is saying why would a man or a woman go into marriage when they have more to lose? Why would they not want to keep the government (who through their past actions have proven they will screw over the higher earner of the two which is usually the man) out of it?
I don't think you can decide what the OP was saying or shape it into something else. His title seems pretty straightforward: Why do women feel like they're owed marriage? He begs the question (it doesn't seem to be something women generally feel they are "owed," so there is no explaining why).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver8ack
Once the "honeymoon phase" is over and the real work begins, the breadwinner (usually the man) has to start saving for a house, saving for the kids, saving for the future...where before when it was just you and him in an apartment it was all fun, sex, trips, laughing, and craziness.
Now all of a sudden once the married life begins its work, work, and more work, overtime, debt, bills, no peace and quiet with kids around, no sex (or at least very diminished) with kids around, etc.
And you guys wonder why women want a partner to help with all this? Does the single mother life seem like something we prefer? Should we have all the work and expense of raising your child, but without any help from you? Or should everybody stop having children because they are such a drag? I don't understand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver8ack
Some guys (not all) wish we had the relationships right before marriage and can freeze that time. That was when we liked you best. You weren't grumpy from taking care of kids, tired all the time, yelling at us for not earning enough, etc. You were adventurous, generous lovers, exciting, funny, the very best you.
If some guys (but thankfully not all) wish their children had never been born and liked their wives better before they were mothers (or before they were married at all), I hope they have the good sense to keep it to themselves. It seems like the resentment would be a big factor in the unhappy relationship, a "you spoiled my life" kind of attitude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silver8ack
Why do you think that a lot of guys (not all) want to side step the “marriage talk”? We want to hold on as long as we can to the great thing we have with you. It’s not because we think something better is going to come along, it’s because (generally speaking) men don’t like change, and they prefer to stay the same and want you to stay the same, while women (again not all) try to change us, mold us into their idea of a perfect man.
Another way to look at it is that the women in your scenarios are taking care of the children and adapting to married life and motherhood, while the men don't really want much part in it and would rather none of it even happened.
In relationship forums, I always read things like "he's been with you for 4 years and hasn't popped the question?"
I think people need to realize that men are the party who has everything to lose while women are the only group who has anything to gain. This is assuming that the woman is hypergamous - dates men who are better than her - and, most are.
I can't understand how a guy is expected to sign a lopsided contract with someone who makes less, therefore not offering as much as he does.
Sure, people say "men need to grow up and stop fearing commitment," but seeing as women initiate two-thirds of divorces, maybe they need the lecture in commitment.
Seeing as marriage is dying, kind of like chivalry, why do you feel entitled to it (especially after only a few years)?
Any woman who has sex with a man before marriage is an idiot or a very controlling person.
In answer to your question: Because we are worth it.
Any woman who has sex with a man before marriage is an idiot or a very controlling person.
Is there a reason why a woman needs marriage in order to have sex? I can understand not being into casual sex but not even in a long term relationship (that's how it starts before being engaged)???
I know he was a drive by OP but I think I understand the spirit of his question, and I think some of you are missing it. He is NOT saying women go into marriage just looking for a big payday.
He is saying why would a man or a woman go into marriage when they have more to lose? Why would they not want to keep the government (who through their past actions have proven they will screw over the higher earner of the two which is usually the man) out of it?
Once the "honeymoon phase" is over and the real work begins, the breadwinner (usually the man) has to start saving for a house, saving for the kids, saving for the future...where before when it was just you and him in an apartment it was all fun, sex, trips, laughing, and craziness.
Now all of a sudden once the married life begins its work, work, and more work, overtime, debt, bills, no peace and quiet with kids around, no sex (or at least very diminished) with kids around, etc.
Some guys (not all) wish we had the relationships right before marriage and can freeze that time. That was when we liked you best. You weren't grumpy from taking care of kids, tired all the time, yelling at us for not earning enough, etc. You were adventurous, generous lovers, exciting, funny, the very best you.
Why do you think that a lot of guys (not all) want to side step the “marriage talk”? We want to hold on as long as we can to the great thing we have with you. It’s not because we think something better is going to come along, it’s because (generally speaking) men don’t like change, and they prefer to stay the same and want you to stay the same, while women (again not all) try to change us, mold us into their idea of a perfect man.
Are these generalizations? Sure, but they happen often enough for them to be stereotypes, jokes, in movies, plots in books, etc. and this is the reality of my world between me, uncles, friends, co-workers, etc. and I’m sure many others here.
Wishing it could be he honeymoon phase forever is the hallmark of the immature.
Many women wish it was the way before he started burping, farting, leaving their crap everywhere...wish they were not saddled with an overgrown child...works both ways.
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