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I rarely say this, but I think you should stop listening to your mom and I think you should stop listening to your friends.
I also think this thread really isn’t helping you.
Sex and how it works in our own lives is very complicated, and you need time and experience to figure yours out. Some of the replies you’re getting here are more harmful than helpful.
Some replies are making me realize it’s not jut my mom and adults I know who have these views. Was kinda hoping the people I know are just weird. lol. but I think a lot of people think that way .
my friends always make me feel so bad about still not having had sex. they make fun of me all the time. it hurts but I’m not the type of person to make a big deal of out it
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,636 posts, read 17,982,736 times
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ellie, if you get in a relationship, I would advise you to go to counseling. Your aversion to normal sex will probably make your life very difficult, if you intend to marry and have children.
If you have no intention of marrying and having children, this aversion won't affect you all that much.
I don't think you'll be able to find the help you are seeking on the internet.
my friends always make me feel so bad about still not having had sex. they make fun of me all the time. it hurts but I’m not the type of person to make a big deal of out it
These people are not your friends. Tell them to go F themselves. There's NOTHING wrong with waiting to have sex. Wait a long time. Sex is amazing but that's exactly why you should wait. I was in a serious relationship at your age, but by 22 I was single again and went crazy with being promiscuous. I felt what it was like to be slutty and it felt awful. I spent a few years drunk and acting like that. So many regrets.
Keep being how you are. If you become more sexual with age and find someone nice to share that with, great. But don't ever let anyone give you crap about being sexually pure. I've gotten weird looks and responses from people about choosing to stop having sex at my age too. People are always going to be threatened by someone who has self-control. But it's a good thing.
Hi, I'm not too sure where else to turn to about this matter because I don't really have any married friends (I'm 18) and I'm definitely not asking any adults I know, I feel like I would be crossing a line. So I thought I would turn to this forum since you guys have been very helpful in the past.
My mom and me were out several nights ago and were discussing how she has a friend whose husband has been cheating on her for 5 years and she just found out. She kind of excused his behavior by telling me that the reason why he did it is because him and my mom's friend haven't been intimate in 7 years. I do not under any circumstances agree and I feel like a marriage should be so much more than that. You shouldn't just betray someone you love and take the infidelity route just because there isn't physical intimacy in your marriage. I find that so incredibly wrong and messed up. Anyways, one thing lead to another and in effort to explain to me that healthy marriages need intimacy, my mom told me that one of her best friends (who I know pretty well ew) is intimate with her husband every single night.
I was so grossed out by this because it completely ruined the picture I had of marriage. I thought intimacy was something really special and something kept for special occasions, not something people do every single day. I feel like that takes a huge part of the romance away and kind of mechanizes sex. But when I told my mom this she was all like "oh well it's what men want and sex is very important in a marriage" and I thought to myself "ew that's really gross" because it's just completely ruined my view of marriage I don't want to have to do that every day, I want it to be special. And then when I asked my mom how it's even possible for them to do it every day because wouldn't that make them feel super tired she was like "well it doesn't always last all night, it can be a 20 minute thing before you go to bed" and that made me even more upset.
I'm second guessing everything now and I'm so confused. Please tell me what my mom is telling me isn't normal, I can't be the only one who thinks it's not. I really don't want to live by my mom's advice exactly for reasons like this.
Thank You For Reading,
-E
This is why bedrooms have doors, and why no one needs to know what's going on behind them.
Yep. This is why I don't have it casually. Over the years, I learned to truly make love. It's kind of something you can't unlearn. I can't have meaningless sex. If I have sex with someone, it will create a deep attachment to that person. So I'm reserving it for someone I feel super excited about in the future.
I like this reply because that’s also what I would like, for it to mean something. Something special
Some replies are making me realize it’s not jut my mom and adults I know who have these views. Was kinda hoping the people I know are just weird. lol. but I think a lot of people think that way .
my friends always make me feel so bad about still not having had sex. they make fun of me all the time. it hurts but I’m not the type of person to make a big deal of out it
Again; you need to find a few friends that are on the same page as you in that respect. It doesn't mean you have to leave your current friends. It just means you'd benefit from diversifying your friendships.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 10 days ago)
35,636 posts, read 17,982,736 times
Reputation: 50678
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie.sunshine
I like this reply because that’s also what I would like, for it to mean something. Something special
I don't think anyone at all would disagree with this, ellie, if that's what you had said to begin with.
Had you said, I'm 18 and not ready for sex until I find someone very special, I don't think a conversation would have followed. Yep, we get it. Agreed.
What you said is do people over 40 really have sex, how disgusting, because I understand people having sex while dating but do you have to do it after you marry? And then a long extended thing about IVF and willingness to pay 5K or more to avoid sex with your husband.
Anyway, I wish you well, and hope all this works out.
These people are not your friends. Tell them to go F themselves. There's NOTHING wrong with waiting to have sex. Wait a long time. Sex is amazing but that's exactly why you should wait. I was in a serious relationship at your age, but by 22 I was single again and went crazy with being promiscuous. I felt what it was like to be slutty and it felt awful. I spent a few years drunk and acting like that. So many regrets.
Keep being how you are. If you become more sexual with age and find someone nice to share that with, great. But don't ever let anyone give you crap about being sexually pure. I've gotten weird looks and responses from people about choosing to stop having sex at my age too. People are always going to be threatened by someone who has self-control. But it's a good thing.
I just want to wait and save it for someone special. Somebody that I love. someone who holds great meaning in my life and in my heart. not even a crush and someone i only “like”, I want it to be someone I truly love. I haven’t met this person yet, but until I do, I just don’t want to give it away. but my friends don’t understand whenever I tell them this they just start laughing, seriously. it makes me really sad especially because I feel like as my friends, they should understand and support me. offer constructive criticism maybe but not judge me and make fun of me. it just makes me feel awful and like I’m way behind. my best friend always talks about how she has the best sex ever with her boyfriend and how it’s great and stuff while knowing it will make me feel bad and make me feel uncomfortable
I don't think anyone at all would disagree with this, ellie, if that's what you said.
Had you said, I'm 18 and not ready for sex until I find someone very special, I don't think a conversation would have followed. Yep, we get it. Agreed.
What you said is do people over 40 really have sex, how disgusting, because I understand people having sex while dating but do you have to do it after you marry? And then a long extended thing about IVF and willingness to pay 5K or more to avoid sex with your husband.
Anyway, I wish you well, and hope all this works out.
it’s just something that really confuses me. I wouldn’t want to have sex on a daily basis I know that, and I feel like after marriage ... I don’t know. I blame my mom. I also feel like having sex on a daily basis and often, just because you’re supposed to, takes so much of the romance away and mechanizes sex. it loses its meaning. especially when someone does it just to satisfy their spouse
I just want to wait and save it for someone special. Somebody that I love. someone who holds great meaning in my life and in my heart. not even a crush and someone i only “like”, I want it to be someone I truly love. I haven’t met this person yet, but until I do, I just don’t want to give it away. but my friends don’t understand whenever I tell them this they just start laughing, seriously. it makes me really sad especially because I feel like as my friends, they should understand and support me. offer constructive criticism maybe but not judge me and make fun of me. it just makes me feel awful and like I’m way behind. my best friend always talks about how she has the best sex ever with her boyfriend and how it’s great and stuff while knowing it will make me feel bad and make me feel uncomfortable
They're to immature to support you, and they're laughing because your self-control and dedication to following a path of morals makes them insecure about their own choices.
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