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Old Today, 04:45 PM
 
3,900 posts, read 1,808,650 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Wrong. Women here are taking it personally when I'm just asking an honest question.
I'm not a woman, but I think it's a kind of odd question. What were you hoping to see in response? Did you think women wanted to date men who weren't attracted to them? Why do you care, since you don't want to date women you aren't attracted to?

Edit: OK, now I see in that you had a gotcha agenda. Cool story.

 
Old Today, 04:48 PM
 
13,408 posts, read 25,757,142 times
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As an old broad who loathes dating and spends most of my time absolutely uncoupled...

Some men are "technically attractive," like looking at a well-formed animal or something. Pretty much what you might think, hair a bonus, nice face or eyes, decent body. (I am 5'2" and have never gotten the idea that men are supposed to loom over me...)

Some men are not technically attractive.

I have never been drawn on a well-rounded level to a man on first meeting. Some men become more attractive as you get to know them, and some less. I have never found the photos of OLD to mean anything unless they look like a serial killer. (Disclaimer- I joined match.com for three days and dumped it for lack of any interest whatsoever in photos or lists of activities. And yeah, in my area, some men do take selfies that look pretty scary, but they tended to have the less-literate profiles, if any).

Maybe this is an evolved thing, maybe this is a gal thing, I don't know. Yeah, I'd like to look at a Brad Pitt like I'd look at a painting (for me, Clive Owen more so, or Liam Neeson or Russell Crowe) but it doesn't mean anything except he looks good. Then, I'm not looking for "hookups" or such and find OLD absurd for finding or being company. Hence, a good book on most evenings.

I met one guy a long time ago in personals dating (not online) and we hit it off immediately, talked for hours. On our second date, he announced that wasn't at all attracted to my physical type. We continued to be friends for three years, then lost track. Turns out I had the shape of his Slavic mother, who used to tie him and force enemas on him and other psychotic stuff. Go figure.

When I got Google years later, I looked for him. He was doing four years in the federal pen across the country for tax evasion and hot computer goods. I sure know how to pick them! The only guy I ever liked from personals/OLD dating, and it wasn't his looks.
 
Old Today, 04:49 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12 View Post
I'm not a woman, but I think it's a kind of odd question. What were you hoping to see in response? Did you think women wanted to date men who weren't attracted to them? Why do you care, since you don't want to date women you aren't attracted to?
Ideally, I don't, but finding a woman I'm attracted to who isn't high maintenance is all but impossible.
 
Old Today, 04:51 PM
 
Location: London, U.K.
2,953 posts, read 3,330,072 times
Reputation: 1625
I've posted a pic of me in my album. I was 20 at the time, I just look more mature these days (face is heavier set and I'm grey at the temples. Hair is clipped all over too.) I like the anonymity of this forum so I don't think I'll keep it there for long.
 
Old Today, 04:51 PM
 
7,602 posts, read 11,705,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
It's not a conscious decision though, it's not like I have any control over it. Plus I'm not going for better-looking women than myself. Also, I'm an architect and a highly visual person.

Personality counts certainly, but i'm not attracted too personality, more a bad personality turns me off. I'm attracted to looks.
In my own personal experience in life ...

It is WAY easier to find someone that is hot to go out with you than somebody who has personality that matches yours. Not a 'good 'personality. One that matches yours.

I'll be honest. I almost wish in a sense that I was you... (or at least the type of person you are purporting to be).

It'd be like giving a Lego set to a 5 year old. You give it to them and it's the best day of their life.

I'll also add that if the physical is really your thing, almost every guy knows (or should) that it's at least five times easier to get a woman from a foreign country (or one that has immigrated to your rich Western one). Just blows the league thing out of the water.
 
Old Today, 04:52 PM
 
Location: California
981 posts, read 267,096 times
Reputation: 2770
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew View Post
For me this can go both ways. I have found things attractive in men that I otherwise had not previously once I got to know them. One guy had this rather unfortunate mustache. Like a cliche mustache. But after a while, his smile, motions and other features really kicked me in the knee wobbles. Other men who were classically beautiful I lost all attraction for when I learned that their beauty did not extend further in than their skin care products.
Yep. I've experienced this too. I'm also not very into "good looking" men in general.

A lot of people don't get that attraction matters, NOT looks. I've never liked chiseled-abs, perfect manly jawline, action-hero-looking hottie sort of men. Give me the dorky nerd or the goofy comedian with the beer belly any day.

People have different things that they like and being "conventionally good looking" is not high on the list of priorities for many of us. And in some cases it can even be a negative. I think I'm decently hot, but I don't want to be with a dude so perfect looking I feel ugly by comparison. I'd much rather be around a more average looking human than someone who looks like a demigod.

Quote:
Originally Posted by readrbuff2018 View Post
I always felt if I was better looking more men would look my way. trust me I tried dating sites and the good looking women are the women that got all the hits. sadly I couldn't even attract average looking men. I once set up a profile on a dating site. (one you pay for) with no pic, would start a conversation it would go to phone and only after we formed a friendship online did I send them my pic....

I learned then that looks matter. I wouldn't hear from then again. I told them after talking with them on phone and in texts that once you see my pic I wont hear from you again due to this being a pattern, they would say, oh no I like you to much for that to happen.... well I send the pic and like all the others they stop texting and calling... I figured out that looks matter not that I take care of myself. that I have good morals and values. means nothing in todays world. im have grown use to this and know that its just the way the world is sadly,
being a 4 on the outside and a 100% on the inside but im happy being alone now. I have accepted that I will be alone for the short time I have left in my world. I have stage 4 kidney cancer so its just a matter of time now as I go through my 2nd go around with my cancer.
such is life.....
I'm very sorry to hear about the cancer. Please know you are beautiful. You can't judge by dating sites. They are very superficial and usually filled with a lot of troubled individuals who are in no position to be judging anyone. There is no such thing as a "one" or a "five". Every human on this planet is an individual and has good and bad qualities, and many people have an abundance of good qualities that can't be seen from the surface.

You are valuable and important no matter what.

Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
I would not date a guy who lowers his standards for me. I have had a date who said "I have a weakness for blondes. I am not really into dark hair" There is really no need to point that out to your dark haired date. I sent him home, go find a blonde.
I have dark hair and if someone said that to me on a date, I'd get up and walk out. Incredibly rude. What the hell is wrong with people?

Honestly even if they say they adore dark hair, I'm still cautious. I don't want to be with someone who is fixated on a certain physical attribute of mine because anything physical can change. What if I decide to chop my hair into a bob and bleach it white blonde one day? I want the right to do that and having some dude attached to my hair color would make me feel restricted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Problem is I've no attraction to average looking women at all.
How do you know that if you've never opened your heart to anyone who doesn't meet your insanely impossible physical standards?

What do you plan on doing when you're older? Do you seriously think that even if you pick a "perfect 10" today she's going to look the same as an old woman?

Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Women are ludicrous, especially when they're 5' nothing yet want a 6' tall guy.

Amongst each other men don't give a toss about height as long as you're average height or above, and even then it's not a big deal if a guy is abnormally short.
I've dated many men that are shorter than myself. Once again, if you're not finding women who are open minded to things like this, you are going after the wrong women.
 
Old Today, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Colorado
12,264 posts, read 7,503,633 times
Reputation: 22014
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Well, women always moan men should only judge them on personality. So if I do that, are they OK with it?
That's not what this is about, IN THE SLIGHTEST.

I would say that most of my attraction to my fiance is due to getting to know him, his personality if you will, his attitudes and behaviors, his energy and the way he treats me and makes me feel...like a whole lot of stuff that is not his looks.

But I, on the other hand, am not going to sit here and say that unless somebody is a "10 in looks" I will hate having sex with them. You are the one putting that one out there.

No woman wants a man as a partner, who is that unenthusiastic a lover. I mean, would you want a woman who only ever faked enjoying sex with you, and later told you that you were the worst lay of her life, just boring and she faked every orgasm and couldn't wait for you to finish, you were so bad. Let's say she's one of those "10" type women, and lets say that somehow (though I am questioning...have you ever actually had an emotional attachment to a woman? Because it sure doesn't sound like it) you had feelings for this woman, and really thought it was a good thing, and she is telling you this. Is that going to be ok with you, that she literally hates having sex with you?

I mean really?

I'm thinking homina12 has nailed this one. You've got some weird "gotcha" agenda going on here.

Frankly I don't really care how pretty your face is. The stuff you've put out in the threads on your attitudes towards women, it's pretty ugly. And hey, if you can complain about pretty women with ugly attitudes...so can we, guy.
 
Old Today, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Continental Europe
794 posts, read 161,565 times
Reputation: 1288
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer View Post
Women are ludicrous, especially when they're 5' nothing yet want a 6' tall guy.

Amongst each other men don't give a toss about height as long as you're average height or above, and even then it's not a big deal if a guy is abnormally short.
Not all that many men care if a woman is below average height wise. Lots of men go for the short ladies.

If you don't find the women you can tolerate personality wise attractive, and don't want to date as a result then you may as well accept that you're unlikely to meet someone and focus on other things in your life. Having sex with people you don't find attractive (without them actually knowing) is unethical and I would hope out of the question.
 
Old Today, 05:10 PM
 
2,172 posts, read 599,849 times
Reputation: 1438
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100 View Post
Yes, but you made it sound as though she had some nerve being uninterested.
My point is I was driving at there is. Why not give a quick meet and greet with the guy. Give him a chance to see what he's like in person via the senses, body language. That person may wind up being attracted AFTER meeting him in person.

If still nada, then feel free to move on.

People can so easily dismiss someone with a photo. I knew of women that ignored emails from guys that, after seeing them (the same men) in a real life organic situation, to be charmed by them. I see it as a missed opportunity.

That's like when someone doesn't want to try a food because they know they won't like it. Can't knock it till ya tried it. ;-)
 
Old Today, 05:15 PM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
2,070 posts, read 1,333,532 times
Reputation: 4421
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123 View Post
My point is I was driving at there is. Why not give a quick meet and greet with the guy. Give him a chance to see what he's like in person via the senses, body language. That person may wind up being attracted AFTER meeting him in person.

If still nada, then feel free to move on.

People can so easily dismiss someone with a photo. I knew of women that ignored emails from guys that, after seeing them (the same men) in a real life organic situation, to be charmed by them. I see it as a missed opportunity.

That's like when someone doesn't want to try a food because they know they won't like it. Can't knock it till ya tried it. ;-)

There are PLENTY of foods that I wont try, simply because they look gross, contain ingredients that I am not fond of, smell unappealing, etc.

Same with dating. We all get to choose who we want to meet up with and choose who we don't want to meet up with.

So again, NO, I would not want to date someone who found me unattractive. I would not date anyone that I wasn't attracted to either.
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