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I have been alone for 40 years. For me, it's neither here nor there... it just is.
But my observation from reading the comments here is that if you are a couple and then lose your spouse, you are dealing with 2 things... grief at the loss of the spouse and living as a single person. These are 2 different things to work through.
The person who sits in a recliner all day watching tv, reading and googling, who then loses a spouse, will obviously need to learn to get out of the house.
Slightly off topic, but I have twice met two men whose spouses had died fairly recently. Even before they said anything about the loss, I could see the sadness in their eyes. The word "haunted" completely fits. These were casual conversations in the context of a general interaction, not any kind of dating setup. But after they had practically bled their loneliness for a mate all over the place, I fervently hoped that they would not meet a predatory woman.
So, yes, widows and widowers and divorcees do need to get out, but they need to be aware of emotional weakness from grieving that has not run its course.
I think someone mentioned earlier the "danger" of becoming a recluse, and now I read that single people "must get out of the house." I'm tempted to ask why. What's wrong with being a recluse? I'm serious. Is it true that we MUST socialize with others or... What? We go crazy? We're abnormal? It's unAmerican? I think anyone who is content with his or her own company is way ahead of the game. As you say, that way you won't fall victim to others who will use or abuse you in exchange for "not being alone," for one thing. The older I get, the more I find I can do quite happily without society; it's a lot less stressful. Now, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but (to quote another poster) "it is."
I think someone mentioned earlier the "danger" of becoming a recluse, and now I read that single people "must get out of the house." I'm tempted to ask why. What's wrong with being a recluse? I'm serious. Is it true that we MUST socialize with others or... What? We go crazy? We're abnormal? It's unAmerican? I think anyone who is content with his or her own company is way ahead of the game. As you say, that way you won't fall victim to others who will use or abuse you in exchange for "not being alone," for one thing. The older I get, the more I find I can do quite happily without society; it's a lot less stressful. Now, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but (to quote another poster) "it is."
It wouldn't let me rep you, but agree 200%, or more. I have recently been going out with friends who were horrified that I spent so much time alone. They are nice people, but in all honesty most of the time I would prefer my own company. When I am alone I pursue interests, maybe learning from u tube a new skill, watching something on khan university or read a good book. When I am with them the conversation pretty mujc always ends up about getting a man...it is so boring!
I think someone mentioned earlier the "danger" of becoming a recluse, and now I read that single people "must get out of the house." I'm tempted to ask why. What's wrong with being a recluse? I'm serious. Is it true that we MUST socialize with others or... What? We go crazy? We're abnormal? It's unAmerican? I think anyone who is content with his or her own company is way ahead of the game. As you say, that way you won't fall victim to others who will use or abuse you in exchange for "not being alone," for one thing. The older I get, the more I find I can do quite happily without society; it's a lot less stressful. Now, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but (to quote another poster) "it is."
you are absolutely right. Being a recluse is not a BAD thing, those of us who are seldom if ever advise other people to live a reclusive life, but is seems that those that don't live this life have no problem telling others they "SHOULD" live an active social life. WHO SAYS and what gives them the right to say?
Now this is not to say that those who find themselves in a suddenly reclusive life when they had been active socially with a spouse who is now gone, and don't want to be should not seek aide in getting back into the swing of things. But don't condemn those who choose the reclusive life.
What ansible said, and I agree with, is "get out of the house." Neither of our posts says anything about whether that getting out is alone or with others. The important thing is to mot stew in isolation IF that is not what the person normally did or if he/she feels lonely.
What ansible said, and I agree with, is "get out of the house." Neither of our posts says anything about whether that getting out is alone or with others. The important thing is to mot stew in isolation IF that is not what the person normally did or if he/she feels lonely.
Why is it "stewing in isolation"? That's a rather loaded expression! Maybe it's just enjoying solitude? "Alone" is not necessarily "lonely."
Why is it "stewing in isolation"? That's a rather loaded expression! Maybe it's just enjoying solitude? "Alone" is not necessarily "lonely."
It is stewing IF that person is unhappy while staying home alone. That's all.
I am a bit of a loner myself and have no trouble eating alone in restaurants, traveling solo, etc. You are making loaded assumptions about the fact that I can see some other people really do not enjoy being by themselves. Alone is not necessarily lonely, but it is also not necessarily liberating or cheering for those who did not choose it.
An interesting and related thread in another C-D forum:
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
I think someone mentioned earlier the "danger" of becoming a recluse, and now I read that single people "must get out of the house." I'm tempted to ask why. What's wrong with being a recluse? I'm serious. Is it true that we MUST socialize with others or... What? We go crazy? We're abnormal? It's unAmerican? I think anyone who is content with his or her own company is way ahead of the game. As you say, that way you won't fall victim to others who will use or abuse you in exchange for "not being alone," for one thing. The older I get, the more I find I can do quite happily without society; it's a lot less stressful. Now, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but (to quote another poster) "it is."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aqua Blue
It wouldn't let me rep you, but agree 200%, or more. I have recently been going out with friends who were horrified that I spent so much time alone. They are nice people, but in all honesty most of the time I would prefer my own company. When I am alone I pursue interests, maybe learning from u tube a new skill, watching something on khan university or read a good book. When I am with them the conversation pretty mujc always ends up about getting a man...it is so boring!
Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark
you are absolutely right. Being a recluse is not a BAD thing, those of us who are seldom if ever advise other people to live a reclusive life, but is seems that those that don't live this life have no problem telling others they "SHOULD" live an active social life. WHO SAYS and what gives them the right to say?
Now this is not to say that those who find themselves in a suddenly reclusive life when they had been active socially with a spouse who is now gone, and don't want to be should not seek aide in getting back into the swing of things. But don't condemn those who choose the reclusive life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere
Why is it "stewing in isolation"? That's a rather loaded expression! Maybe it's just enjoying solitude? "Alone" is not necessarily "lonely."
The points of view expressed above are well represented in a related and current thread in the Non-Romantic Relationships Forum entitled "If you had an opportunity to become a recluse, would you?" Rather to my surprise, a large number of posters wrote that yes, they would!
In my view, a recluse who has freely chosen that path is not harming anyone, even though it's a path which I personally do not understand. After all, we are all different. Therefore, some people can thrive and be content under conditions which would be anathema to other people.
The common wisdom is that we evolved as a social species dependent on mutual cooperation for our survival and that social isolation is not healthy, but it is clear from posts such as the above that the "common wisdom" does not apply to everyone.
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