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They always end in the exact same way, people who have made it condemning people who haven’t and completely discounting life’s fortunes and misfortunes as relevant.
I haven't really seen condemnation on this board. Disagreements, yes. I would tell you that the potential for misfortune hangs over all our heads. Isn't the onus on us to work towards being able to hedge against those risks as much as possible?
I have found some great investment insight on this board. It works for me.
Most don’t want to hear it ,but having children is still a personal choice . That “responsible” choice should consider affording them and the work situation.
Yeah ,we all eventually get hit with divorce, job loss or illness , but out of the box when children are being considered there is the work issue to consider .
All the women in our family have their own careers and all have children and work . All their personal choices .
I got married in 1961 and there was not a lot of information regarding birth control other than condoms, oh yes.... the rhythm method.
We weren't all born into similar circumstances. My mother was a stay at home mother, so was my ex mother-in-law. I did have a good job when I met and eventually married my ex.
I don't remember going into the marriage thinking it was necessary for me to hold down a full time job and be a housewife/mother, too after the kids arrived. But as it turned out my husband had much different goals than I did.
Should we have discussed goals before getting married? Probably. But we did not and many of my friends during that time didn't talk about how life would be in 10, 20, 30 years.
So if you had the foresight to anticipate what was coming down the road for you, good for you. But a lot of us didn't have a clue.
People seem to make a lot of judgements not understanding why other people didn't live like they did. Too bad they didn't have that education, too.
The rhythm method ? How did you find a band at 1am?
The fact is our choices in life set the tone for our future , good or bad . Life doesn’t care if we gave it thought or not .
I don’t think any of us considered the financial implications of having kids . We did it and backed in to a lifestyle with what we had . My ex and I raised two kids but she had to work for us to make ends meet .
my dad and mom were pretty short on income because my mom was so sickly so we were forced to back in to life in the projects as kids .my mom couldn’t work because she could not do much before having heart issues . She could not even eat things grown in the ground because she would swell from just the natural salt content her heart was in such bad shape .
But we managed , we had a life I hated in the projects and I would never want that life for my own family but we got through life and my sister and I went on .
But early decions can come back to bite us and make life harder when we do avoid thinking about what we are about to do
Last edited by mathjak107; 11-12-2018 at 06:59 AM..
I got married in 1961 and there was not a lot of information regarding birth control other than condoms, oh yes.... the rhythm method.
We weren't all born into similar circumstances. My mother was a stay at home mother, so was my ex mother-in-law. I did have a good job when I met and eventually married my ex.
I don't remember going into the marriage thinking it was necessary for me to hold down a full time job and be a housewife/mother, too after the kids arrived. But as it turned out my husband had much different goals than I did.
Should we have discussed goals before getting married? Probably. But we did not and many of my friends during that time didn't talk about how life would be in 10, 20, 30 years.
So if you had the foresight to anticipate what was coming down the road for you, good for you. But a lot of us didn't have a clue.
People seem to make a lot of judgements not understanding why other people didn't live like they did. Too bad they didn't have that education, too.
Your opinion is valid for a woman getting married and divorced in the 1960's, but at what point do we encourage people to take advantage of all sorts of advances that have been made since the 1960s?
People - men and women - have had the ability to make conscious choices regarding reproduction since the mid-70s. Throngs of them still don't. But, you still hear throngs of people lauding the benefits of single parenthood, as if they actually have no clue that there is anything better to be had.
How all this defending of the past relates to anyone's future, I have no clue. It has been well established on this thread that people make mistakes, and those mistakes effect their retirement options.
It would be nice for the random defenses to one's life and experiences, including my own opinions as the product of a single mother could be directed at the point of this thread, and at least address living arrangements that can fit within the construct of a fixed income. Neither you nor me can correct the past - but we can both look to our future retirement.
I was married, am now widowed, did not reproduce, and my retirement future looks bright. But, that is also by the grace of God.
Your opinion is valid for a woman getting married and divorced in the 1960's, but at what point do we encourage people to take advantage of all sorts of advances that have been made since the 1960s?
People - men and women - have had the ability to make conscious choices regarding reproduction since the mid-70s. Throngs of them still don't. But, you still hear throngs of people lauding the benefits of single parenthood, as if they actually have no clue that there is anything better to be had.
How all this defending of the past relates to anyone's future, I have no clue. It has been well established on this thread that people make mistakes, and those mistakes effect their retirement options.
It would be nice for the random defenses to one's life and experiences, including my own opinions as the product of a single mother could be directed at the point of this thread, and at least address living arrangements that can fit within the construct of a fixed income. Neither you nor me can correct the past - but we can both look to our future retirement.
I was married, am now widowed, did not reproduce, and my retirement future looks bright. But, that is also by the grace of God.
I was married for 21 years. Due to a lot of misfortunes, my company downsizing hundreds of people, some serious health problems that weren't all covered by insurance. How do you foresee any of that? How do you plan for it? Some women, when going through a divorce, end up in pretty good financial shape. I was not one of them. From what I learned my ex did to my children, I wasn't thinking about how much money I could get and I had a lousy lawyer. All I could think of was to get rid of that man, out of my life, out of my kids lives. But that didn't work so well with my kids (especially my daughter).
I think people tend to lump situations together and think they have the universal answer to problems. In some cases, and I count mine as one of those, are not universal and have no easy remedies.
I was married for 21 years. Due to a lot of misfortunes, my company downsizing hundreds of people, some serious health problems that weren't all covered by insurance. How do you foresee any of that? How do you plan for it? Some women, when going through a divorce, end up in pretty good financial shape. I was not one of them. From what I learned my ex did to my children, I wasn't thinking about how much money I could get and I had a lousy lawyer. All I could think of was to get rid of that man, out of my life, out of my kids lives. But that didn't work so well with my kids (especially my daughter).
I think people tend to lump situations together and think they have the universal answer to problems. In some cases, and I count mine as one of those, are not universal and have no easy remedies.
So obviously I do not agree with you.
So, are your writing to us from the grave or the poor house? How are you living right now? What is the secret, amongst all your strife, to being able to have a computer and internet access and spare time to spend on a retirement forum?
No one can say what anyone should have or could have done leading up to the issues or after the issues . We only know what we could do or have done better in our own situations .in fact many times we don’t even see the better decions we could have made and while it appears it is what it is someone else may very well have a different outcome in a similar situation.
I am not saying you or anyone here in particular , but in general ,in the end it usually ends up being a better decion we could have made like not having married an ex or instead of taking vacations and more expensive cars , have better health insurance or private disability insurance. Perhaps losing a job and not being able to get another is the result of a poor career choice or never getting marketable work skills .
Sometimes we have to go down to the basement , to see the Real roots of our difficulty to see the underlying cause . On the surface we blame bad luck because we don’t go to the basement where the body is .
I had a hundred reasons why I thought we got divorced . My very wise buddy had me take the elevator to the basement to the root and it really wasn’t about you left the cap off the tooth paste .
Or the charge cards being run up.
All the reasons I believed to be the cause were suddenly not the reasons they were the result of the underlying cause..
What did I find when I got to the basement ? I found the real reason was it was time . The marriage was on life support because the magic was gone and rather then grow closer we grew farther a part .
Now arguing about everything else just became the result of IT WAS JUST TIME.
If you asked me prior , I had a list of reasons why it failed and why it was not my doing . But in the end that trip to the basement showed me the underlying cause was just as much me and the decions and choices I was part of
Last edited by mathjak107; 11-12-2018 at 08:17 AM..
What is that supposed to mean?
It's entirely dependent on your financial situation.
I'm comfortably retired and have a mortgage.
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