Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It's like these SoCal cities are long-term vacation cities, not places where people lay down their roots. Go spend time in New Hampshire, most of the residents are three generations deep and are not going anywhere. In NH, when people talk to you, souls connect.
When people talk to you in SoCal, it seems like only the brand names on you clothes connect. It's a different story, needless to say. I suppose that these are just pros and cons like anyplace else.
I went to Hooters downtown last night and met a lot of friends lol
But for real, I actually did meet some girls sitting at a restaurant in downtown. Lot more friendly, outgoing people than Orange County. Just go to the coffee shops or lunch spots and sit outside and smile, people will want to talk to you. Saying Hi, how are you? is always a good start! Be the initiator.
Some interesting posts regarding connecting and making friends in San Diego (and OC) on this thread. For the guys above that posted about attending church in SoCal, I know it can seem superficial, but there are some amazing people to be found in churches, too. I met my husband and also made friends through church in San Diego. (Granted, I'm originally a small town Midwestern girl who ended up marrying a small town Southerner...we just happened to meet in San Diego). I know it can be hard to plug in and feel really connected in a big city, though. For those of you in SD in your 20s/30s that want to attend church, I went to Flood for years (they meet at Kearny High School in the Linda Vista area now), and I made some great friends through that church. Getting involved is the key, though, no matter what church you attend. Co-lead a Bible study, join a community group or sports group (I think Flood has a surfing group...seems like a big church like The Rock may have sports groups, too), go on church retreats, that whole thing. In fact, recently people from Flood joined up with The Rock for a volleyball tournament if volleyball is your thing. Some of my closest friends from SD were in Bible study groups with me, though. There's something to be said about consistently getting together and building relationships in a home/small group setting as opposed to just showing up and blending into the crowd on Sundays. Just my two cents worth. Don't give up...there are some amazing people in SD, whether or not they attend church. Yet, you may, like my husband, prefer a smaller town and the strong relationships that can come from that, and that's OK, too. I hope you're all able to find your niche. Best wishes!
Yah, me too. Im 30 years old and single guy who just moved back to San Diego about 2 years ago more or less, and I havent been able to make friends here at all, I don't know why. Any advice or help or suggestions? Thanks,
Jason
Best suggestion I can give you is, if you have an area of interest and/or want to further your education, go to your local college and start taking a few classes. Try to pick classes that promote working in groups. See if you connect with project group. However, if you do sign up, do it first cause you want to learn and second for meeting people with common interests.
What others have written is true. For some odd reason in SD, its a huge challenge to develop friendships that go further then just hanging out once in a while.
Still new to San Diego and looking to meet new people!
Hi fellow San Diegans! =)
So I moved out here by myself from the east coast in June 07, and still have a hard time settling in, meeting new people and creating a group of friends....which shouldn't be the case because I'm outgoing, fun, personable, open to meet new people everywhere I go....The thing is, is that I'm 27, female, single....and I'm finding that alot of people out here are in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships or married and don't want to go out, way older or younger than me, or have kids. I want for San Diego to be the place that I stay and further my career and have a family in, but I don't want to enjoy everything San Diego has to offer....alone. I'm a fun girl who loves to go out, enjoy the outdoors, loves animals, the beach, music, dancing...all of that!! I just would prefer to share those times with others as well!! Does anyone have any good ideas for meeting new people?!!
Honorgirl - I moved down here after I got married & didn't know anyone except for DH. My job entailed working from home & traveling out-of-state for about 38 weeks out of the year so it was really tough to meet anyone at all. I met the majority of my current friends through a local wedding planning message board. It's been 6 yrs and I can honestly say that these women (& their husbands) have become like family in many respects. That board and the subsequent friendships were a life-saver for me.
Having the message boards kept me connected to SD and when I WAS home, it was really nice to get together with these gals and also do things as couples.
To be honest, I was at first embarrassed to admit that I had made friends "through the internet" but now, it's a much more common way to meet people and I truly am grateful to have made these friendships.
Anyway, just an idea. Perhaps you can search around for something similar via your interests?
I posted this list on another thread, but I thought I would share it here as well. It can be difficult to make friends in San Diego, but I got involved in some of these groups and realized there are tons of people out there looking for social connections. Sometimes you have to try a few different groups to find a good fit, but there is something out there for everyone.
The San Diego Rotaract is a group for young professionals, they have many different types of social events, they also do community service and it's a great way to make friends and become part of the community. They meet at Kansas City BBQ downtown.
The Jaycees are a similar type of group where you can meet some great people.
Welcome to the San Diego Jaycees! (http://www.sandiegojaycees.org/ClubPortal/ClubStatic.cfm?clubID=1461&pubmenuoptID=15003 - broken link)
Meetin is a national orginazation. I'm not sure how active the San Diego group is, but I have tried it in other cities and there are often fun events going on.
There are also many groups related to interests such as sports, books or anything that you like to do, you can do a google search and usually a bunch of things will come up. San Diego has a lot of transplants from all over the country, many people are looking to make friends, but don't know where to go.
Moondogger, what a well thought out and relevant post. I have much of the feelings you mentioned. I moved from New Jersey to Irvine/Newport Beach area in Orange County in March of this past year (7 months ago). Originally I was set on moving in the downtown area of San Diego but changed my mind on a few factors- city traits (crime, homeless, break-ins, theft, vandalism, less scenic views/palm trees, open air, minorities, etc.) to moving to a bit more of a suburban area like something I'm used to.
The one issue I was terribly concerned about while I was making my move across the United States was the highly broadcasted negative reviews of the people and their personalities in Orange County. Well It's safe to say that after 7 months I believe it's true. Those tv shows that portray Orange County as people filled with emptiness, concerns of wealth, status, power, important roles, name brands, and concerned with how to get ahead, are very much alive and true. It's quite sickening.
I know this is an SD post so I will tie in the relevance here. I have family in LA who my Aunt was born and raised in NJ but moved out here about the same age as me (26). She met a guy and got married and they've been here their whole life. Very successful people, thriving business, retired at 55 and 58. Impressive. They although 'yuppie's as most would consider them, are more down to earth than most. Anyway, I had a convo with them and pretty much their take on the thoughts I posted above and these thoughts: "all the girls I meet out here wanna know what car I drive, what zip code I live in, how much money I make, what I do for a living, and who I know" is that "IT'S A SO-CAL THING."
I am not so sure though because I just had a lengthy discussion with a buddy I met out here who is originally from New Hampshire then moved out here a while ago and lived in SD and OC for a fair number of years. He truely believes that SD is not even close to Orange County in regards to the items I mentioned above. Possibly because there is a variation in social and economic classes spread throughout SD County, unlike OC where most people are in the upper class with some middle-upper class thrown in, and the rest just renters trying to get by.
I too have had issues where I thought I met a real nice guy friend that I could see myself hanging with and going out to places with and watching football, etc. and just being a friend. We would have a couple weeks romp with him and his friends and go out partying, etc. then all of a sudden nothing. They vanished. Very bizarre. I can relate to the above user's post regarding how you can meet someone and they are nice or whatever but it is very hard to establish anything relating to an ongoing relationship/friendship with them. Many people I meet seem to only continue a discussion or contemplate a friendship based on their needs and wants and if you can help them out somehow. i.e. (hidden agenda) that many have spoke about on this forum.
So many people I meet have an excuse of "I'm too busy" "I'm soooo busy with work" etc. Come on, if you can't control your work and what you have going on in your life, something doesn't add up. People are so absorbed in things it almost seems like they do it for a distraction away from reality. People I meet out here seem to be afraid to confront reality and would prefer living in a fictitious fantasy land that they create in their mind. I know that sounds very strange but if you've been out here you may know what I mean.
So to get back on track, where do we go to meet people who can start a real friendship? Where does one go to meet people with some kind of balance in their life and priorities in order? How do you meet people who want to befriend you without knowing your net worth? Where does one go to meet a member of the opposite sex and know they he/she has themself together and there's no drama/issues behind them? Well I think this is a question guys and gals ask across the world but for some reason there are certain problems in this area we live in that are escalated much more than anywhere else I've ever been.
Where I've met some guy friends that turned into actual friends and not just a 2 week romp of going out to clubs meeting girls and then falling off the face of the earth:
playing golf asking to get joined up with a group of people you don't know.
going to a club/lounge (usually this is not ideal of course) but I actually ran into a guy I went to college with who I now hang out with. I also met a real nice guy from the east coast who I became friends with and now pal up with.
You would think Church, but in my experience church is no better out here. 3/4 of the people are screwed up and are more concerned about what heels or dress they wear to the service then going there and getting on track.
I sense the frustration of the above users and I completely understand as I have the concerns as well. In SD I was told that Little Italy is a cool spot to live and chill b/c the people apparently are a bit more friendly/down to earth and mostly single professionals. Lot of coffee shops and street-side restaurants that you can hang at and mingle. The gaslamp is really fun but again it's a club scene and you will meet a lot of people there just to show off and look good but can't discuss anything more with you than what's the hottest car or fashion designer to date lol.
Another thing I notice out here in OC (not sure if it's like that in SD) but most of the guys who have lived her their whole life are little prisses. They act tough and like a tough guy but when it comes down to it they are worse than girls in most aspects. Very spoiled and given everything so I guess they expect people to bend over backwards for them. I will not even discuss the girls in that regard wow.
I know most of what I wrote with a confirmation of the above user's posts but hopefully some of it was useful. I plan on coming down to San Diego more and researching the areas again as I'm not 100% happy up here where I live in Orange County. I come from a down to earth family and middle class neighborhood of good hard working people and now live in yuppyville where I feel like it is absolutely beautiful but that is it the place I live is beautiful but the people make it so damn ugly it's disgusting! Plus everything you have to drive to do and places close so early it's not the most happening spot for a late 20's single guy!
Let's expand more on SD and some of the best spots in your experience where you met quality people and maybe tell some stories about it and offer up some suggestions for other users.
Every thing that you said is dead on, don't let people convince you otherwise. This place and the people have a way of messing with your mind until you can't recognize up from down, right from wrong. You need to stand up for yourself while you are out here, don't let people treat you badly. It's a dog eat dog area, unfortunately.
The only people who don't see it are the ones lacking in morality and you are not one of them. There will be all types who deny every thing you have stated and act like this place is heaven on earth. Don't let them get into your head. I'm not saying don't be open to new experiences but listen to your gut, it never lies.
I don't know whether I am happy or not to hear you say the things you say. You confirm everything I have said on this site, you can look up my posts and see. You prove everyone who has criticized me wrong, yet there is still little happiness for me in your story (more like total disgust). Your story makes me kind of sad because you sound like a really nice person.
You remind me of myself, 4 years ago, now I have just become isolated like all the others. I think it can happen to the nicest of people. Here's a few analogies: When I first came back from Wa, the drivers really got to me here. But I just told myself that I would be nice and considerate no matter what.
I did well for a while but eventually you get tired of being pushed around on the road and you become hardened. You begin to do the very things that you originally hated because otherwise you will be treated like a rag doll out there.
Basically you become forced into that behavior because if you don't you get taken advantage of. I rarely use my blinker because it broadcasts my intentions and allows people to speed up and not let me in. If you sit there for a while with it on, some people will let you in, but it's like pulling teeth. I just use the roads as a good example, but unfortunately this type of behavior doesn't end there.
If you stay here long enough the same could happen too you. Eventually all the bad experiences like the ones you are describing will add up and eventually you can become bitter and isolated yourself. I am an attractive guy, 6'5 210lbs, I get looks everyday from women. Now I just pretend like I don't notice them, I look away and don't make eye contact. I make no effort to get to know anyone out here anymore (SD). I have just had too many bad experiences and honestly my soul can't take anymore.
In many of my other posts I have said the same thing. I have received slighted remarks from others because of my honesty on this sight they call me negative and they say I am just a miserable person. I don't care though, because it makes all the difference when I can share my thoughts with someone like you. You are right, you have a good sense of morality, unfortunately many here do not and it will not go away anytime soon.
I am stuck here for at least a year for school, then I am going to Wa. Wa, is the only other place where I have lived for a decent amount of time besides LA (terrible), and ironically it's the only place where I have had a real relationship. It's because of all of the things that you said in your post too. I am a native of SD (how sad is that, not one single meaningful relationship here). Very weird that with those odds here, I could move to Wa, and be in a fantastic relationship within months after my arrival. I have had casual flings galore out here though, I guess you gotta take what you can get sometimes.
In fact I had a ball with the ladies in Wa, very down to earth, very little attitude from what I experienced. Yes there are pockets of snobs, but nothing like SD. I am sorry to tell you that SD is not much better than OC, sometimes you have to experience it for yourself though. I do think you will have better luck here than there.
Some good places for singles here are N Park area, places that are just N of downtown in the nice area's. Hillcrest believe it or not is crawling with young single women. Guess they go there to escape the chauvinist guys. They know that since Hillcrest is labeled as a gay town that it keeps out the chauvinist attitudes. Actually I would have to say that I got the best vibe there. I am totally secure in my sexuality so I have no problem with being around gay people.
I have friends here from childhood and my mom is here. That keeps me from getting lonely, but nothing takes the place of a relationship. I understand everything that you have said. Don't let any one convince you you are wrong, you are seeing it thru honest eyes. America as a whole has become more self centered and materialistic but nothing like whats happening here in SoCal.
Part of it is (Las Vegas, Tijuana, LA (Hollywood) ) they are all within driving distance and they are all known for materialism, shallowness, corruption, sexual emphasis, crime, sleazy behavior and everything else that cheapens life!
Look up some of my posts and you will see.
Take care, Wish you the best.
Norcal is allot better if your looking for down to earth people, any where but Socal. SD is better than OC and LA but not by that much. Some Reading Below:
I am planning to move to the La Mesa area in April 2009. I'm 27 now and I hope to find friends when i get there or even before......that's kinda scary that you guys haven't found any real friends within the time being in San Diego. I am was raised in IL, now I am living in GA....for the past 13 years. I am ready to go!!!!!!!!!!! I wish i was leaving this year.
I plan to volunteer somewhere, since i volunteer here. Maybe i can meet people that are single that way.
How are the church scenes there?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
lol
Church in San Diego...
I'm a fun girl who loves to go out, enjoy the outdoors, loves animals, the beach, music, dancing...all of that!! I just would prefer to share those times with others as well!! Does anyone have any good ideas for meeting new people?!! 
