Making new friends and meeting people in San Diego (high school, college)

[cnkad]

I thought I was the only one who didnt have any friends. lol. I have lived in SD pretty much my whole life and I have like 2 people that I sometimes hang out with. (excluding family) And one of them is the wife of a guy I knew from high school! So maybe that tells you something...either that im a dork, or it is hard to make friends here. (ok probably a little of both.) Either way im glad im not alone. haha.

[GratefulDeb]

Well I will be joining you on July 30th as a San Diegan with no friends. I have no friends here in NJ either though. I think its because all I do is work, take care of my kids, cook, clean, do laundry, food shop and try to exercise with my dog. I go to work and then come home all week long and on the weekends I do errands and chores. The only people I meet are those that I work with and they are the typical, stuck up, cranky, nasty Northeast types. If you want to stay in touch maybe we can be friends

[Thompsons_GirL]

i'm moving to SD soon as my fiance is now working there, i'm on here to get to know what it's like to be living in SD and all that.

[ubringliten]

tell me about it.

my girlfriend and i have been here for almost 2 months, and we don't have any friend either. people seem to be reserved here and not friendly, however, they are very nice people. it is difficult to make friends because there is so much sprawl here and everyone is in their car.

most of my coworkers are either married or have kids. i think this city is really good for families and mature people. i mean the weather is super nice and the city is super comfortable, so i think it attracts those type of people.

[hotornot]

One word:

B-O-W-L-I-N-G

Join a bowling league. At the end of the leagues run you should have a new friend or two. Most leagues run about 4 weeks or more. This tried and true formula worked in the 40's, 60's and 80's.

IMO the gym is the worst place to try and make a new friend. Aquaintances, yes. Friends, no. Most people are intent on busting ass in the gym and not on making friends. I know I am. The one exception to that would be a fight gym. In fight gyms you tend to train up close, personal and hands on with other members in a very intimate setting, comparatively speaking. And that might be the perfect place to strike up a friendship. Gyms that prioritize cardio and strength training; gyms like Gold's, World Gym and 24hr Fitness are a little too impersonal. Cardio and strength training routines are often performed by people flying solo who may or may not be listening to music while they excercise. That's not always conducive to feats of social entwinement.

Bowling is placid compared to what takes place in a gym. When you're not bowling you're waiting your turn to bowl, sitting on a bench next to your teammate. That's the perfect time to sit and talk and get to know someone else. Plus once the match ends, the conversations end. But you know that you'll all be back next week sitting on the same bench with the same person which is the perfect oppurtunity for you to pick up where you left off.

BOWL, BABY, BOWL!

(i guess you can insert 'softball' or 'flag football' in place of bowling, for that matter. but i still think bowling is one of the better sports for meeting new people.)

[lori8318]

Hey check out meetup.com It has tons of meet up groups in san diego...

[FinkieMcGee]

I would agree with the poster that said bowling. I met a couple people through my ex-company, and one loved to bowl. I've met a couple of cool dudes and one is slowly becoming one of the better friends down here due to our weekly league.

[Nick682]

Originally Posted by ubringliten

tell me about it.

my girlfriend and i have been here for almost 2 months, and we don't have any friend either. people seem to be reserved here and not friendly, however, they are very nice people. it is difficult to make friends because there is so much sprawl here and everyone is in their car.

most of my coworkers are either married or have kids. i think this city is really good for families and mature people. i mean the weather is super nice and the city is super comfortable, so i think it attracts those type of people.

You're right on the money with the sprawl, the geography and the car culture, it is simply a natural barrier to meeting people (distance, and driving alone most of the time). If you look at people even on the weekends, many of them are driving alone.

Plus people work hard here because of the cost of living and they already spend plenty of time on the roads battling traffic, so it's hard to justify driving for someone you just met. There's not allot of community feeling, gathering places for young people, there really should be more of them.

You are right on about the mature people with families settling here. The young ones are in, and back out, as fast as they came (places like PB). Many of them find out how hard it is to make it here, so they leave. Many of the older people are natives or they knew what they were getting into before they came.

I am an SD native and another reason that has nothing to do with logistics, is that this place gets so "built up" sometimes that people don't act like themselves when they come out here, especially the young ones.

They act like they are high class all the sudden, even though they had a modest upbringing. All the sudden they are judging you on your lifestyle, outfit, and your car, even though they wouldn't dare do it back home. I'm a down to earth guy so I run from those people.

If you act like yourself and you don't let the Socal vibe scoop you up, then you should have no trouble making good friends here. In fact, people will appreciate it more than most places, simply because there is a lack of it. If you pretend to be the cool Socal person whom your not, then good luck because your in for a tough time.

"Be yourself" is always the best plan in life, loneliness is usually because you are not happy with yourself, not others. Trust me, I've been down that road in the military when I was all alone.

I found this guys writing on loneliness to be very inspiring and highly insightful, his one paragraph writing proves that self help books are just money making scams. Anyone who follows his advice will not be lonely.

Feeling Lonely

[mini_cute]

meetup.com

you can search by location and even specific interests to find like-minded people

GL!

[homie01]

Originally Posted by cnkad

I thought I was the only one who didnt have any friends. lol. I have lived in SD pretty much my whole life and I have like 2 people that I sometimes hang out with. (excluding family) And one of them is the wife of a guy I knew from high school! So maybe that tells you something...either that im a dork, or it is hard to make friends here. (ok probably a little of both.) Either way im glad im not alone. haha.

You're not the only one. I'm sure there are lot of young adults in San Diego who feel that same. I lived in San Diego for a very long time and back then as a kid and in my teens years, I had tons of friends. But those are more like school friends. As I got older, I have less and less friends as an adult. Heck, ever since last year I had to work so hard that I barely hang out with people at all. Most of my old buddies moved to new city (or state) due to the rising cost of housing and bad job market. I'm poor (so not much money to spend going out) and I'm staying in San Diego for now until I make good money (trying to do some real estate investments) while trying to take care of my parents. My company is small and most of my co-workers are married with kids. I'm the only single one - and I'm not really into bars, dance clubs, or sports. And those seem to be the popular ways to meet people (only if you're the extroverted type).

I find that San Diego is great to have a lot of acquaintances or people you just know, but as far as long-term life-long friends, that's a whole different game. You can know so many people here, and still be lonely. Party every week or whatever with new people, and still be lonely. People here are just busy working, already have their own sets of friends or families to hang out with, or just caught up in the money making material rat race here. And the young folks my age here are all about clubbing, partying and beer parties. What about folks who are not into those things? Most of the young adults here (early 20's) are mostly singles who just moved here from different cities - and here I am being like the only single guy who lived here the longest, seeing old friends come and go.

To make friends here as a working adult, you gotta somehow be involved in a professional organization, social/single clubs, working on big projects that involve meeting people, or volunteering for stuff. Somehow, you gotta make yourself interesting so people can get to know you and maintain a long relationship. That's what I'm working on.