Making new friends and meeting people in San Diego (neighborhoods, live)

[Radical347]

Originally Posted by MisterMark

Here's a different take on the "flake factor".

I think there are a lot of people who think it's nicer to say, "Oh yeah, I'll be there", and then not show up, versus saying to you directly, "No, I'm not interested in getting together with you."

And it's not just a California thing. Even in New York, where the stereotype is that people are very direct in their communication, I doubt most New Yorkers would say to your face, "I'm not interested in going to your party."

But I also know that most people would rather have someone lie to them and say, "Oh, I'm busy that night" (when they're really not), than to say, "Oh sure, I'd love to come", and then not show up.

So, maybe we should give the flake a break. He (or she) is just trying not to offend you, even if his intentions are totally misguided.

Then they need to learn to think beyond immediate gratuity.

All that aside though, what about when the person making the plans is doing the flaking? For instance, I recall when someone said "let's meet for lunch tomorrow at (name of place) at 1!" So then the next day @ 1 comes and I showed up and they didn't. I called them but they didn't pick up. There is no excuse for this, and this was hardly an isolated incident -- and it wasn't only with this person that something like this happened, too.

[kcda]

Same w/kids birthday parties. People don't rsvp and then everyone shows up with all their siblings, parents, grandma, aunt. I usually buy lots of food but have been known to order pizza to be delivered to the pool or park because lots of people show up unexpectedly.

In Japan they are not laid back and honor commitments but if they say "maybe" or "I'll see", that almost definately means no.

Lived in Hawaii and thought they were even more flakes over there. Also in Thailand we had some wierd flakey experiences. Maybe it's the warm weather beach atmosphere.

[wally99]

Originally Posted by MisterMark

According to who? Naomi Campbell?

If I was having a dinner party starting at 7pm and you showed up at 8pm, I'd consider you to be f***in rude.

I was thinking of a regular party, not a dinner party. Yeah, if you're having dinner and it starts at 7PM, then be on time. Though I would still start the dinner at 7:15PM or even 7:30pm to give people extra time. Now if I tell people dinner will start promptly at 7:00PM, I'd expect them to show up early or right on time. But I would definently emphasize the promptly part so they know.

As for "According to who?", it just seems intuitive to me, after throwing and going to many parties over the years.

[kcda]

I'm not sure if this counts as a "flake" thing but I was talking to my two neighbors that are transplants from Minn. & Ohio. They both said that San Diegan's also cut out friendship ties easier if they:

a) no longer work together
b) move to a different area
c) have a slight misunderstanding
d) haven't seen each other in several months

According to them, this is unheard of in the midwest. That they are friends for life and that people here have a very casual "whatever" attitude regarding friendships. That they "come and go".

[ckeppy8]

I think the deal is San Diego is a very clique city that does not like outsiders. I would move

[LoneStarJerry]

Originally Posted by ckeppy8

I think the deal is San Diego is a very clique city that does not like outsiders. I would move

That's not true at all, and then you top it off with giving lousy advice by just telling someone to move.

[Kasey77]

San Diego is the loneliest place in the world!

[AngelAngel]

Hmm..loneliest place in the world..? Dont like outsiders...?

I`m from Amsterdam and I am still planning to visit San Diego this year!

Anyone here that can fire my excitement a bit more Up...?

Cos it would still be nice to make new friends and meet people in good old San Diego!!

[DBallerz]

Originally Posted by AngelAngel

Hmm..loneliest place in the world..? Dont like outsiders...?

I`m from Amsterdam and I am still planning to visit San Diego this year!

Anyone here that can fire my excitement a bit more Up...?

Cos it would still be nice to make new friends and meet people in good old San Diego!!

Don't worry, I think the same people that are complaining about not having friends aren't putting themselves out there and expect new friends just to come to them.

[Kasey77]

Originally Posted by DBallerz

Don't worry, I think the same people that are complaining about not having friends aren't putting themselves out there and expect new friends just to come to them.

This is very presumptuos and so not true. I am NOT a 20 something on here relating my experience. I have lived in San Deigo Coutny for over 30 years in established neighborhoods. There is not the same kind of commitment, courtesy, stability and etiquette here as I have found to be in other places. I know there are exceptions and nothing is black and white. But, I find you can have wonderful acqaintences and very few rooted, lifelong friends.