Making new friends and meeting people in San Diego (Campbell: established neighborhood, buy)

[Moondogger]

Originally Posted by Sassberto

San Diego is full of flakes and has been as long as I've lived here.

That said: avoid the bars if you want to meet decent people. All the cool people I know came from work, sporting activities, etc...

Another honest post. I tell ya man agree or disagree, I respect how you always tell it like it is and call it exactly as you see it. And I'm not just saying that because I find myself agreeing with you most of the time.

Btw, can you expound a bit on the etc. there might be something there that hasn't already been mentioned, although it most likely has but just in case.

Originally Posted by Papajojo

My dad was stationed in the Navy here in the late 60's and again in the 70's and he told me the other day that the only problem he had with the area was the flakiness of so many of the locals. I didn't ask what types of 'engagements' they flaked out on (social, business, etc). However, that was the part of his life where he was drinking and partying quite a bit, so who knows what 'caliber' people he was dealing with. One thing he said that I found interesting: major difference in the locals' attitudes toward the military from the first time he was here (during vietnam war) and the second (post war). He said he absolutely hated San Diego the first time and enjoyed it the second. Anyway, I thought it was interesting that the 'flaky' trait dated back that far. I guess that apples are staying near the tree...gen x excluded

Very interesting indeed! Thank you for sharing.

[NYSD1995]

Originally Posted by Moondogger

Another honest post. I tell ya man agree or disagree, I respect how you always tell it like it is and call it exactly as you see it. And I'm not just saying that because I find myself agreeing with you most of the time.

Btw, can you expound a bit on the etc. there might be something there that hasn't already been mentioned, although it most likely has but just in case.

Well, I grew up in the NY area so my standards are pretty high. When you say you are going to do something, you are expected to do it. When you say you are going to show up somewhere, you show up. If you don't, you expect to hear about it later. And if you aren't going to show up, you call and let people know. If you repeatedly bail and flake, you will not have a friend for too long. In San Diego, those rules don't exist.

Don't even get me started on being on time. Party starts at 7 and no one shows up till 9.

My wife threw a going-away party for her friends. 20 people RSVP'd, about 5 actually came.

My sister-in-law (SD native) flaked on my mom for church on Easter sunday, didn't say a word.

Guy I work with is "really into skateboarding" so we make plans to skate. Call him the night before and he's good to go. Next day, like clockwork, he flakes out. I stopped calling him. As far as I can tell, he's more interested in talking about going skateboarding than actually doing it.

San Diego is a place where you invite someone to a party and they say "I'll try to be there" and that means that there is no chance in hell of them coming.

I can tell you that I participate in many SD-related forums and this is a very common complaint from newcomers. I have not adjusted to it and I have been here 13 years. I attribute it to a combination of too much drinking and pot, too many low-paying, low-responsibility jobs, and too much "laid-back" attitude.

[wally99]

Originally Posted by Sassberto

Don't even get me started on being on time. Party starts at 7 and no one shows up till 9..

If a party starts at 7 then it's fashionable to show up at 8. Usually the people that you know really well will show up earlier, either to help out or just to make sure that at least some people show up early. People that you don't know so well, well then I'd say either at 8 or even 9 is acceptable.

Originally Posted by Sassberto

San Diego is a place where you invite someone to a party and they say "I'll try to be there" and that means that there is no chance in hell of them coming.

Remember from Star Wars when Luke said he'd "try" to lift the spaceship. And Yoda said "there is no try, there is do or don't". When people use the word try, it means they are not at all committed. So if someone says they'll try to make it, then just assume it's their way of saying they most likely will not be there. I don't know that this is any different in NY.

Now if they say they WILL be there, and then don't make it, that is definently flaky.

[jkoz]

Originally Posted by Sassberto

Well, I grew up in the NY area so my standards are pretty high. When you say you are going to do something, you are expected to do it. When you say you are going to show up somewhere, you show up. If you don't, you expect to hear about it later. And if you aren't going to show up, you call and let people know. If you repeatedly bail and flake, you will not have a friend for too long.(quote)


(quote)San Diego is a place where you invite someone to a party and they say "I'll try to be there" and that means that there is no chance in hell of them coming.

I can tell you that I participate in many SD-related forums and this is a very common complaint from newcomers. I have not adjusted to it and I have been here 13 years. I attribute it to a combination of too much drinking and pot, too many low-paying, low-responsibility jobs, and too much "laid-back" attitude.

I'm from the Midwest, so my standards are pretty high too. I've been here 17 years and have never adjusted to it either, especially with dates. Ironically my late husband was a SD native and was very prompt or actually showed early for everything, called when he said he would, etc, but before him, there was a lot of "date flaking". It was especially fun in Friday night traffic, back in the days of the "merge", to drive from Chula Vista to meet someone in Encinitas for drinks only to have them not show up. I can't think of how many years I missed the Del Mar Fair when I'd make plans to go with different people only to have them flake at the last minute. I finally began to just do the fair alone. I have found the "flaking" phenomenon to occur with transplants as well as natives. After 17 years I'm still not used to it but no longer think it's because there is something "wrong" with me like I used to--it's part of the culture here--in my case maybe not drinking and pot, but definitely a "laid-back" attitude and it seems to just be the accepted, "in" thing to do.

[MisterMark]

Originally Posted by wally99

If a party starts at 7 then it's fashionable to show up at 8.

According to who? Naomi Campbell?

If I was having a dinner party starting at 7pm and you showed up at 8pm, I'd consider you to be f***in rude.

[NYSD1995]

Originally Posted by wally99

If a party starts at 7 then it's fashionable to show up at 8. Usually the people that you know really well will show up earlier, either to help out or just to make sure that at least some people show up early. People that you don't know so well, well then I'd say either at 8 or even 9 is acceptable.

If you show up at 9, that's pretty freaking late. But it's better than what most people do, not show up at all, and not call.

It's aggrivating when people say they are coming and then don't show, after you've bought food and planned for a certain number of people.

We're a bit older now and over the years have weeded out the flakes in our circle of friends.

[Sampaguita]

Originally Posted by Sassberto

If you show up at 9, that's pretty freaking late. But it's better than what most people do, not show up at all, and not call.

It's aggrivating when people say they are coming and then don't show, after you've bought food and planned for a certain number of people.

We're a bit older now and over the years have weeded out the flakes in our circle of friends.

Ditto to all that.

Life's too short to continue to have flakes in our lives. We've weeded them out, too for the most part and where they haven't been weeded out, our expectations are VERY low. My own cousins are horrible flakes (east & west coast) and when they say they are going to do something or come visit we just say, "ok...yeah..." and go on as usual because we know the follow-thru is only a remote possibility.

[MisterMark]

Here's a different take on the "flake factor".

I think there are a lot of people who think it's nicer to say, "Oh yeah, I'll be there", and then not show up, versus saying to you directly, "No, I'm not interested in getting together with you."

And it's not just a California thing. Even in New York, where the stereotype is that people are very direct in their communication, I doubt most New Yorkers would say to your face, "I'm not interested in going to your party."

But I also know that most people would rather have someone lie to them and say, "Oh, I'm busy that night" (when they're really not), than to say, "Oh sure, I'd love to come", and then not show up.

So, maybe we should give the flake a break. He (or she) is just trying not to offend you, even if his intentions are totally misguided.

[NYSD1995]

Originally Posted by MisterMark

But I also know that most people would rather have someone lie to them and say, "Oh, I'm busy that night" (when they're really not), than to say, "Oh sure, I'd love to come", and then not show up.

So, maybe we should give the flake a break. He (or she) is just trying not to offend you, even if his intentions are totally misguided.

I would rather them say they aren't coming ahead of time. Or, call. That's all I'm talking about and by most accounts that is just common courtesy. If I am buying food and drinks for people it's helpful for me to know who is and is not coming.

[MisterMark]

I'm with ya, Sass. I was just playing a little Devil's Advocate.

For the most part, I can't stand flaky behavior. I might even "write off" people too quickly because I have such little tolerance for it.