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Spanking does nothing to teach a child to develop inner discipline. A child’s focus is on the spanking itself, not on a review of the behavior that led to it. After a spanking, a child does not sit in his room and think, “Gee, I sure goofed. But I really learned something. Next time I’ll behave.” Instead a child is typically thinking, “It’s not fair! She doesn’t understand! I hate her”
Spanking is seen as punishment for a crime, payment for a debt. In other words, once paid, they have a clean slate. Spanking gets in the way of allowing a child to develop a conscience. The guilt that follows misbehavior is a prime motivator for change. Spanking takes away the guilt, because the crime has been paid for.
Spanking makes the parent feel better. When we get angry, we move into the “fight or flight” mode. Our adrenaline increases, and we have a primitive need to strike out. Hitting releases this negative energy, and helps us feel better. But even a minor spanking can escalate into major abuse. Parents have reported that during the heat of the moment it’s hard to stop hitting, and some say that they don’t even realize how hard they’ve hit until they see the bruise.
Parents who spank sometimes come to rely upon spanking as their primary source of discipline. If you give yourself permission to spank, it becomes a quick fix for all kinds of problems; it blocks off the effective use of other more productive skills.
Spanking gets in the way of a healthy parent-child relationship. Children look up to their parents as protectors, teachers, and guides. When a parent breaks that pattern by hitting a child, the relationship suffers.
Spanking is not an effective form of discipline. Hitting a child typically stops a behavior at that point because of shock, fear or pain. But most children turn around and repeat the same behavior - sometimes even the same day! Parents who spank often find themselves spanking a child many times a day - so if spanking “works” why is this so?
Spanking is not humane or Christian behavior. I know there are many Christian families that believe in spanking. They often quote to me from the Bible, “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. Now, I am not an expert on the Bible, but I am a Christian, and from that position only do I give you this opinion. I believe that the “rod” as referred to here mean a tool of discipline. In the days of the Bible, a shepherd used a “rod” to guide his sheep - he did not hit them with it. His rod was seen as a symbol of his authority over the animals, not a tool to cause them pain. I also ask you these questions: If God walked into your home today and saw your child misbehave, would he hit your child? I would say definitely not! Would he discipline your child? Would he teach your child? Would he guide your child? I would say yes, absolutely!
Spanking does teach a lesson. The lesson is: “When you don’t know what else to do - hit!” or “When you’re bigger you can hit.” Or “When you’re really angry you can get your way by hitting.” It’s common knowledge that children who are frequently hit are more likely to accept the use of violence, and are more likely to hit other children. It only makes sense, because, after all, children learn what they live. Children who are spanked often have more resentment and anger, and lower self-esteem.
Even with these points in mind I’ve read several articles that address the issue of spanking where the writer says it’s okay to spank if the child is in danger - for instance, if a toddler is running into the street, or reaching out to touch a hot burner on the stove. They suggest that at these times a few pops on the rear end are okay. I must admit this naïve mindset baffles me. Why in the world would we want to teach our children about safety by hurting them? Does you ski instructor jab you with his ski pole to teach you not to jump off the chairlift?
A parent who believes that spanking is the only effective way to teach a young child about safety issues is not giving the child enough credit. Children - even little ones - can indeed learn about safety through our teaching them. As a matter of fact, through teaching they will learn much more, as they can absorb the reason for the rule, and over time, can learn to make good decisions on their own.
Positive, respectful, consistent discipline is the real key to raising well-behaved children.
Roseba, sorry, I don't know where you find this stuff but it is ludacrist...I don't believe there is a parent in here who feels good after spanking a child..and the other arguments are moot...ridiculous and as a lot of your posts, grossly exhagerrated to prove a point
sorry...but what you've put down here is simply someone's opinion, doesn't make them right or wrong...whatever works for you...will not always work for me...
if you went back and read everyone's posts, and were able to look beyond your own emotions on the subject you would see the logic in a much better light...but apparently on this issue, you are led by emotions, which isn't always best...you are blind sided by this, therefore, not nutural or open minded.
There are other posters here who don't believe in spanking either, but they're posts are logical and they are able to see the other side of the coin..you apparently won't budge, which makes the discussion futile...not to mention, you continually make the issue one that boarders on child abuse, and none of us here have abused our children...nor was there impairment b/c our kids were spanked...matter of fact, I'd be willing to bet...that most kids whose parents have joined in this thread, whether they were spanked or not, were good kids...and pretty easy to raise.
Roseba...apparently there is a huge issue due to some childhood experience with your brother...but as I suggested before, I'm certain, even if he wasn't spanked, his problems would still have been....
I don't think lack of spanking causes poorly behaved children. Bad parents create bad kids.
Children need to understand that there are consequences. Many parents seem to think reasoning with their children as though they are adults will work. Kids think in terms of the now. Very short term thinkers. They have no life experience to draw from, although to hear them talk they have all the answers.
The biggest issue is lack of consistency. If you only punish them after they have pushed you to your breaking point chances are your punishment is clouded by anger and the lesson is lost. Regardless of spanking or what ever. Once you allow your temper to dictate the punishment the game is over.
My brothers sons 10 and 6 are smart well spoken but loud and undisciplined in stores and restaurants. ie embarrassing at times. They have been spanked...
The fact is they do tend to back talk and get away with it far too often. Only after their parents get fed up with it do they get any punishment.
My son was spanked maybe 5 times in his life. You got it only after he really pushed my buttons. In public he was a pleasure almost never needing to be corrected. Partly due to his nature but also due to the fact he knew it would not be tolerated. Even when my kids were 3 years old. If they acted up in the store, it was out to the car we went and waited for mom to finish. Sometimes it took a while.LOL Torture is sitting in a car with dad who every now and then turns and glares at you... Much more fun to behave in the store and get to walk around.
I see kids running in the aisle ways, running around in restaurants and the parents act as though its normal and okay. NO ITS RUDE. If you can't control your children in public keep them at home. I will hear oh johnny be good, oh Johnny just likes to play, he just needs to run everywhere he goes. NO he doesn't... You need to be the parent. What ever form of discipline you use, use it and be consistent.
Roseba, sorry, I don't know where you find this stuff but it is ludacrist...I don't believe there is a parent in here who feels good after spanking a child..and the other arguments are moot...ridiculous and as a lot of your posts, grossly exhagerrated to prove a point
sorry...but what you've put down here is simply someone's opinion, doesn't make them right or wrong...whatever works for you...will not always work for me...
if you went back and read everyone's posts, and were able to look beyond your own emotions on the subject you would see the logic in a much better light...but apparently on this issue, you are led by emotions, which isn't always best...you are blind sided by this, therefore, not nutural or open minded.
There are other posters here who don't believe in spanking either, but they're posts are logical and they are able to see the other side of the coin..you apparently won't budge, which makes the discussion futile...not to mention, you continually make the issue one that boarders on child abuse, and none of us here have abused our children...nor was there impairment b/c our kids were spanked...matter of fact, I'd be willing to bet...that most kids whose parents have joined in this thread, whether they were spanked or not, were good kids...and pretty easy to raise.
Roseba...apparently there is a huge issue due to some childhood experience with your brother...but as I suggested before, I'm certain, even if he wasn't spanked, his problems would still have been....
I would add to your response:
Roseba
I cannot understand your logic, it doesnt make sense at all. In one hand you give a reason to your logic and counter it with another statement. I think you have over complicated a very simple basic issue.
And you seem to generalise parents and spanking to the extreme, do you think everyone of us who condone spanking, spank our kids many times a day during the course of the week? Talk about being off your trolly!!
Ohh crap, heeeeerrre we go with the bible bashing and christianity nonsense. I think for me, you lost all credibility (with what little you had) soon you started this path.
If you must, leave it in the religion section and not in politics.
The day you tell and make every catholic institution corporal punishment free, make those nuns,teachers,headmaster tell me that their sorry for punishing me, would be the day i quit spanking my kids. Can you do that??
sorry...but what you've put down here is simply someone's opinion, doesn't make them right or wrong...whatever works for you...will not always work for me...
Let me get this straight. The opinion of those who have credentials, and have performed empiracle research and data collection are discredited because you don't agree with them. Merely being a parent in a particular situation does not suffice as credentialed.
Quote:
if you went back and read everyone's posts, and were able to look beyond your own emotions on the subject you would see the logic in a much better light...but apparently on this issue, you are led by emotions, which isn't always best...you are blind sided by this, therefore, not nutural or open minded.
Logic? Let's teach a child that when they don't get their way, it's ok to punish the person who subjected them to it by means of hitting.... Oh and yes, when they get older, we have to UNTEACH them this because it isn't OK when they are older. THERE IS NO LOGIC to this approach.
Quote:
There are other posters here who don't believe in spanking either, but they're posts are logical and they are able to see the other side of the coin..you apparently won't budge, which makes the discussion futile...not to mention, you continually make the issue one that boarders on child abuse, and none of us here have abused our children...nor was there impairment b/c our kids were spanked...matter of fact, I'd be willing to bet...that most kids whose parents have joined in this thread, whether they were spanked or not, were good kids...and pretty easy to raise.
I have done nothing of the sort. I have DEFENDED positions that clearly state that juvenille delinquency is caused by lack of spanking when the reality is that it may be from lack of consistent discipline of ANY sort, and/or, some kids go astray no matter what their parents have done.
I have clearly cited evidence from doctors, while you have cited personal experience. While personal experience is valuable to a certain extent, it isn't logical. It IS EMOTIONAL.
And again, I ask you, what is the logic to teach one standard to children when they are young, only to teach them something else completely opposite when they are older. Hitting, in any form IS an act of aggression. There is nothing logical in pretending it is not. Even if it is an extremely benign act of aggression it still is aggression. You can't parse it and draw lines where it begins and ends. That's just using DENIAL to bolster your argument.
I happen to think the best way to raise a child is to behave in the most ideal way you can, so the child can EMULATE your actions. Evidence suggests that childen become their parents. How many parents come to a realisation at some point in their life where they say, "OH MY GOD. I'm my mother". Sometimes that is a good thing. Often it is NOT what we wanted for ourselves or our children. ERGO, one should try to behave positive. Positive in, postive out. Negative in, begets negative out. If this is illogical, then I suggest one study logic.
Roseba
I cannot understand your logic, it doesnt make sense at all. In one hand you give a reason to your logic and counter it with another statement. I think you have over complicated a very simple basic issue.
And you seem to generalise parents and spanking to the extreme, do you think everyone of us who condone spanking, spank our kids many times a day during the course of the week? Talk about being off your trolly!!
Ohh crap, heeeeerrre we go with the bible bashing and christianity nonsense. I think for me, you lost all credibility (with what little you had) soon you started this path.
If you must, leave it in the religion section and not in politics.
The day you tell and make every catholic institution corporal punishment free, make those nuns,teachers,headmaster tell me that their sorry for punishing me, would be the day i quit spanking my kids. Can you do that??
Bible bashing? The site presented are Christians who have faith and believe in the sacrament. But they don't believe in misrepresenting the words.
And I will repeat, just because people do something, doesn't mean it is the best.
Using LOGIC would actually help a lot of you who think this is OK.
No one has yet been able to refute the logic that bad behavior (by the parents) begets good behavior by the kids. That is illogical.
Bible bashing? The site presented are Christians who have faith and believe in the sacrament. But they don't believe in misrepresenting the words.
And I will repeat, just because people do something, doesn't mean it is the best.
Using LOGIC would actually help a lot of you who think this is OK.
No one has yet been able to refute the logic that bad behavior (by the parents) begets good behavior by the kids. That is illogical.
I love gentlechristianmothers site!!! As a Christian, I find it the most credible, most reliable, most relateable, most true to God's word website. It is as Christian as it can get, in fact non-Christians are not allowed to participate in the forums.
So for any Christians who want to learn more about what Bible really has to say about spanking, they might want to visit the site Roseba posted.
thanks.
I love gentlechristianmothers site!!! As a Christian, I find it the most credible, most reliable, most relateable, most true to God's word website. It is as Christian as it can get, in fact non-Christians are not allowed to participate in the forums.
So for any Christians who want to learn more about what Bible really has to say about spanking, they might want to visit the site Roseba posted.
thanks.
I believe in God, and believe to be a devote Christian...and while, I say again, spanking was not a disciplinary in our household, or my families household, it was exercised on a few occassions...with us, and with my son. In no way was it abuse of any kind, nor did it scar us mentally for life....while I cannot prove that spanking will indeed keep children well behaved and polite, and keep them from the hands of crime...I also cannot prove it won't. I believe it depends on the parents.
Rosba, one big problem I have with your way of thinking is this...
I had posted that my 90 year old mother, who just passed away this past Nov. was in the dentists office...and 3 children were in there, ranting and running all around, bumping into my mother...and you said "they were having fun". When my mother rose from her chair, one almost knocked her over and the mother said no thing.
I cannot believe parents as such...and at that point in time, those children would have all been swatted on the butt, by me, and sat in a chair and told to stay there...and they would be taught to whisper, by me, and anything else would be unacceptable behavior...
therefore, being a christain and reading christain materials has nothing to do with a follow through program on raising kids. It is a constant work in progress and good parenting skills does not include allowing kids to have fun as such in a doctors office....that kind of behavior is reserved for outside, on a playground, or back yard, but not in a public place....
I recently had two total knee replacements...and going out in public was my biggest fear at first, b/c kids are allowed to run around in stores, with absolutely no regard for others who are there by the parents....children should not...I repeat, should not be allowed to roam free inside....regardless if it is a store, dentist, or doctors office. Parents today, do not seem aware of the fact, that there are other people who need to not worry about noisy kids running around who are going to trip them, or push them....period. That is lazy parenting, as well as no regard what so ever for the personal space of others.
Again, should spanking be outlawed...absolutely not...and the government should certainly not enforce a law as such, but what they should do, is enforce the laws already on the books regarding child abuse, and improve that system.
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