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We are seriously considering the Tile things. We're reaching critical mass here. See all my posts? I'm venting, because my husband just left after being home for a month, and I swear, this sort of thing went on every day, several times a day. It was frustrating to me, but also frustrating to him. And embarrassing to him. He's got a lot of dignity and so many talents and is such a good person - but this self doubt that is brought up by this absent mindedness messes with his mind, and it also frustrates me so much that I am afraid it will impact our relationship sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I am about to just explode and scream "DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. GET A MAN BAG. MAKE A LIST. TIE EVERYTHING TOGETHER ON A LONG STRING. DO SOMETHING TO STOP THE MADNESS!"
I honestly don't think a checklist by the door will help because he would have to remember to look at the checklist. Keep in mind that he had forgotten to pack three things, and that I put all three things right by the door and told him they were right by the door. He put two of the three things in his truck and totally forgot the other thing. When I asked him about it, he couldn't remember whether he packed it or not. He said, "Probably so." I thought, "I better go check." I found it laying in the corner of the room, where he would not have seen it at 6 am this morning, and if I hadn't checked at midnight and gone in and put it in his hand and watched him take it out and put it in his bag, I swear it would have been laying there this morning after he left.
And he still forgot something and called me from the road asking me to copy and scan it to him.
MEDS - don't even get me started! He takes high blood pressure meds and MUST have them. I carry some in my purse because he often has forgotten to take them after we leave the house. But he has also forgotten them on trips and we've had to try to track down his doctor, a pharmacy, etc while traveling because I don't carry a weeks' supply with me (maybe I should just start).
Oh my!!!!!!
Has he been checked by a doctor? I get upset with myself for forgetting things, as I tend to value my awareness. If I was going through what your husband is, I would be beside myself, too. It could be a medical issue with a somewhat easy fix.
I have to admit that it would annoy me to have somebody ask if I've got my phone and wallet. Of course I've got my wallet. Who would leave without it?
My husband would leave without it. I'm like a checklist by the door - Keys? Wallet? Coupons? Water? Doesn't bother me and he appreciates the reminder. Same every time.
My husband usually appreciates it if I go through the litany every single time before we leave to go somewhere, but listen - I'm not an overly organized person, I'm just an averagely organized person. I have to remember to get my own stuff, and I am busy getting myself out the door - I may forget to quiz this other adult who is living with me prior to us leaving the house.
And he's stealthy too - I may not see him lay his sunglasses down in a store or a restaurant, and not know they're MIA till about 10 that evening when I see him pacing around the house and I say, "What's up?" and he sighs and says, "Well, I can't find my sunglasses. You don't suppose I left them at the restaurant, do you?" WELL, MAYBE SO. Or maybe not. We may spend the next 30 minutes looking for them and then he may find them in some totally random place that neither of us could ever imagine they'd be in. Or maybe they're at the restaurant and we just both wasted 30 minutes looking for something that just isn't here.
Has he been checked by a doctor? I get upset with myself for forgetting things, as I tend to value my awareness. If I was going through what your husband is, I would be beside myself, too. It could be a medical issue with a somewhat easy fix.
Well, he had a VERY stressful year this past year and it got a lot worse, I noticed that. Both his parents passed away within a few months of each other, and then we had all this estate stuff going on and now we are having some serious stress with his adult son. He's always been forgetful but it's gotten worse lately.
Stress really, really brings it out in him - and then he gets MORE stressed by the forgetfulness so it's like a vicious circle.
We did mention this to his doctor who said he thinks it's stress related but to keep an eye on it. I'm going to let him get through this rough patch and see if things improve. But honestly, he's been very forgetful since I met him 11 years ago when he was 47 years old. On our second date, he lost his keys and we had to break into his house to get his second set! No lie. Second date. Sitting on the roof breaking into an upper window. Oh man...
Well, he had a VERY stressful year this past year and it got a lot worse, I noticed that. Both his parents passed away within a few months of each other, and then we had all this estate stuff going on and now we are having some serious stress with his adult son. He's always been forgetful but it's gotten worse lately.
Stress really, really brings it out in him - and then he gets MORE stressed by the forgetfulness so it's like a vicious circle.
We did mention this to his doctor who said he thinks it's stress related but to keep an eye on it. I'm going to let him get through this rough patch and see if things improve. But honestly, he's been very forgetful since I met him 11 years ago when he was 47 years old. On our second date, he lost his keys and we had to break into his house to get his second set! No lie. Second date. Sitting on the roof breaking into an upper window. Oh man...
I feel for you - I really do. I'm worried about what I will be like as I get older. As I said I really value my awareness and have a low tolerance for people who don't pay attention.
My wife is, at time, one of those people, but I have never met a kinder, gentler person than she, so my tolerance for what she sometimes overlooks is greatly tempered by that fact. *Most* of the time, I say nothing, but there are other times my inner child cannot be restrained.
I feel for you - I really do. I'm worried about what I will be like as I get older. As I said I really value my awareness and have a low tolerance for people who don't pay attention.
My wife is, at time, one of those people, but I have never met a kinder, gentler person than she, so my tolerance for what she sometimes overlooks is greatly tempered by that fact. *Most* of the time, I say nothing, but there are other times my inner child cannot be restrained.
I know what you mean - like your wife, my husband is such a good person and I can't imagine life without him. That makes my irritation feel even worse to me, because then I also feel guilty for being irritated when I have a husband who treats me so well.
I know what you mean - like your wife, my husband is such a good person and I can't imagine life without him. That makes my irritation feel even worse to me, because then I also feel guilty for being irritated when I have a husband who treats me so well.
I haven't read the whole thread but have you tried some practical solutions like getting baskets for the house and reminding him to put his keys or other important items in there?
maybe even a checklist written in the car with a list of items he could possibly leave behind?
I haven't read the whole thread but have you tried some practical solutions like getting baskets for the house and reminding him to put his keys or other important items in there?
maybe even a checklist written in the car with a list of items he could possibly leave behind?
Thank you and yes - earlier in the thread I mentioned that I tried for a YEAR to get him to put all his stuff in a basket (well, it was a deep tray on the counter). He wouldn't do it on his own, and clearly didn't like me saying anything like, "How bout putting all your stuff right here in this tray by the door when you come in," so I'd go around and gather it all up - every time we walked in - and put it in the tray and when he'd start running around looking for stuff I'd say, "It's in the tray on the counter" and he'd be delighted and say "OH! Great!" - but then he would simply NEVER remember to put it there and NEVER remember that the Magic Putter Upper Fairy would put them there either. Nor would he remember where he had last laid anything.
So I guess it was a bit helpful to me but not really - because then I felt irritated by trying to round up all his stuff, just to find it laying somewhere else a little while later - like maybe he picked it up out of the tray to do something with it, changed his mind, got distracted, whatever, and just laid it back down wherever he was at the time.
It got to the point where I would make a genuine effort to round everything up (from the car, the garage, the work bench, the laundry room, the living room, the bathroom, the bedroom) and put it all in that tray, and then he'd do something with it, or STILL get out to the car and suddenly go, "Where's my (fill in the blank)?" and I began to feel even MORE irritated. So finally I just stopped.
As for the list - I think that's a good idea in theory but the reality is that he would have to remember to look at the list, which is not likely. I can relate to that, actually, because I'm the world's worst at making a list and then leaving the list at home! Actually, now that I have an app that makes lists, I don't have that problem, but he uses his phone at a bare minimum so I wouldn't expect him to use any sort of app or list.
I'm thinking this through though. I think I may try the tray thing again, and here's why. Yes, it was irritating to round up all his stuff all the time, but it was LESS irritating than sitting in the car waiting and waiting for him to try to find everything. So I may try it again, but this time with a little talk beforehand, diplomatically asking him about how he feels about the tray and if he would genuinely try it again. I will need to have this little conversation with him when he's just gotten done looking all over the house for something basic that he uses several times a day and is very frustrated.
See at this point, if I move any of his stuff, it REALLY freaks him out. He's already frazzled and hypersensitive about it. So it would have to be with his full cooperation and I'd need to approach it, not from the perspective of how annoying it is to ME, but from the perspective of trying to help both of us manage our time better. I could tell him, "Let's both put all our stuff in this tray," and then I might just lay a pen or something in there, because honestly, all my stuff is always in my purse.
Oh my God, you people all seem to know my husband.
Maybe we're all living in alternative universes and married to the same man.
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