How long before she starts paying for dates? (how to, marriages, problems)
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I think that the way a woman feels like less of a woman probably has to do with other women as opposed to men.
Yes, that could be, but not related to doing something for a man. Like I said, a man may feel emasculated for not helping a woman carry something heavy when there was a man (him) at the scene, or if he doesn’t pay for a woman’s expenses, etc. I was wondering if there was something comparable where a woman would feel less of a woman if she let her man do something when “she was the woman” at the scene. Know what I mean? Not sure if there is such a thing or pressure on women. Just curious, that’s all.
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Nope - not the same thing. Only a mother would understand what this feels like. I know what you are talking about because I've had my cousin's and friend's children turn to their parents instead of me for comfort and I feel a little bad
Yes, it’s way different but the example I gave involved me and another person who was not the parent either. So I thought “what was wrong with me? I was going to caress the child’s hair as well and offer comfort from the bruise on the knee from his/her fall” for example.
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Being a mother and not being able to comfort your baby is one of the most helpless feelings in the entire world. I'm not saying this to be snotty or condescending or anything - but you really just can't understand this kind of feeling unless you are a mother.
After your 20 questions - you act as if they are the only woman in America that has ever done that before and that you can't quite believe it! It's infuriating!
And not a single woman has ever picked up the check or offered to pay?
I'm not really complaining, but I've had one date offer to pay once out of all the women I've dated in the past. That took her over a year to finally pay once.
Onihc - I'm not sure this is the case - but I know that when my aunt first married my uncle - she was really miffed at our family for not helping clean up after holidays at their house. She is Japanese (as is my family) but her parents were from Japan and my grandmother was born here. My grandfather was born in Japan but passed away 2 months before my mom (the youngest of 5 children) was born and my grandmother was born here. So my aunt was raised traditionally Japanese whereas my family is more American. Well - my family would offer to help her clean up all the time - but Japanese tradition is that you refuse help the first 3 times (I think it's 3 - it might be 2) and then you accept help. So, may family would always offer to help and she would refuse. My family really wanted to help but thought maybe she wanted to do things her own way (my grandmother is like this - she actually gets upset if you try to help her clean) - so they wouldn't ask again and my aunt would get ticked off because they only asked once. Once we all understood what was going on - everything got sorted. Now my aunt is one of the family and everything is hunky dory.
Perhaps one of your issues is a cultural one - in some cultures you are expected to turn something down the first few times it is offered and only then accept. But if you are in a culture where you are sincere in your first offer and don't know that the person is expecting you to offer 3 more times - you have no idea that you are offending them.
I'm not really complaining, but I've had one date offer to pay once out of all the women I've dated in the past. That took her over a year to finally pay once.
Really? I just don't get it. I always offer to pay - whether I'm on a date (back when I was dating) or with friends. I even offer to pay with my mom but she rarely lets me unless it's been agreed upon beforehand.
Really? I just don't get it. I always offer to pay - whether I'm on a date (back when I was dating) or with friends. I even offer to pay with my mom but she rarely lets me unless it's been agreed upon beforehand.
Not from my dating experiences. I even went on a lunch date with 2 older women once. More of a friendly date mind you, but both still wanted to see me on that day. Neither one offered to pay for any part of their meals. I didn't say anything and happily paid for both, but it's still an example of women not wanting to pay lol.
I've said that I'll always pay for the date because it's tradition more or less and I think it's the right thing to do, but it'd be nice to hear the woman ask to pay her meal(though i'd still reject the offer).
And not a single woman has ever picked up the check or offered to pay?
Maybe an American girl or two have expressed at the most but they don’t seem firm about it so I just take care of it also knowing that “When in Rome…”. And it’s all good. If I didn’t like dating American women and vice versa, there wouldn’t be a another time we went out. When I am in Asia and a woman offers to pick up the check, they seem more firm about it and mean it. No “aaaw, I was about to take it but, oh well, thank you”. Some girls have put their foot down and told me that they simply didn’t feel comfortable having me pay for everything (yes, even first dates). Not sure if you remember that girl who would message me when I was visiting the USA just asking how long I would stay, how were things at home, etc. Later on she jokes something like “Oh Onih! You just don’t get it! lol I am waiting for you to ask me oooooout! Come on!” we both laughed it out and proceeded to meet but I was wondering what was so hard for american women to simply take the initiative to pick up the phone and go “Hey Onih, watcha doing tonight? How about dinner at that place you liked before?...lemme treat you to dinner tonight, sounds good? Ok, let me reserve a table…” Of course there may be an American woman out there who does take the initiative, pays for a man’s dinner/wine (I don’t drink alcohol but anyways…), etc. just like there may be Asian women who expect men to do it all for them.
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Originally Posted by Prince_Frog
I'm not really complaining, but I've had one date offer to pay once out of all the women I've dated in the past. That took her over a year to finally pay once.
I can see this as something normal. The initial stages I guess or them making sure you were a good man among many things women say about why they make a guy wait long periods for them to start being nice to him.
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Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
Really? I just don't get it. I always offer to pay - whether I'm on a date (back when I was dating) or with friends. I even offer to pay with my mom but she rarely lets me unless it's been agreed upon beforehand.
Some women may offer, taking action is different. Again, this is not wrong/right. Just things that happen.
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