How long before she starts paying for dates? (casual, relation, texts)

[Freedom123]

Originally Posted by brunodog

But usually girl never ask the guy out.

That's simply free market "dating capitalism" in action, nothing more. As long as there are multiple guys who WILL ask when one guy won't, you will continue to see the status quo.

If it makes you feel better, men generally hold a free market advantage in the marriage market, although it's probably still a competition for marrying really good women.

If you don't like it, wait until you're older or find a niche that puts you in demand now. If you figure this out, you'll never have to ask a "girl" (or a woman) out again.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by PJ1252

i always offer to pay my way - i wont accept a date unless i can afford to pay my half of the bill - the way the economy is today its just too expensive for it to be any other way -

What if he accepts your offer?

Originally Posted by Yzette

You keep quoting my "beat me to the punch."

I will quote your line: “The third date will be my idea if he doesn’t beat me to the suggestion first”, that is, if he doesn’t beat you to the punch which, according to you, happens most of the time, if not all. Why not be tough and put your foot down the same way you would tell men to do house chores? “Thank you for treating me dinner last night but I feel great to treat you as well and I find it right to do so. Not letting me contribute to expenses as much as you do simply makes me uncomfortable and that is not the way I like to do things. I will be uncomfortable with you if I don’t contribute to expenses. It’s on me…” while you rub his hand and smile/wink at him or something. I’ve had a girl or two tell me this before. I find it pretty nice. The girls that have told me that have really meant it and put their foot down. No “aaaaw, I guess you beat me to it…so, where are you taking me now?”

AGAIN, there is a difference between a first date and an established relationship where people cohabitate

Of course it is different if it benefits you. Just like when women say men should be all traditional and take care of their expenses, take the initiative, romance them, and so on. But then you mention what a woman used to do back in the day and all of a sudden traditions become sexist, from the past, unfair, and so on. Reason of many threads from women who complain because their man doesn’t do house chores. Of course, those threads are not seen as complains or whining.

When both partners work full-time, both partners do housework. If one person works and the other stays home, then the other keeps the house

And that makes total sense. When you have complained about men not doing house chores, I totally agree. But I also apply that to dating and ask, why leave all the work to the guy? I apply the same idea to both scenarios.

You like to bring up my marriage. Apparently you are fascinated with it. I was the breadwinner

Yes, I bring it because it seems to have changed you quite drastically. You said you basically took care of all expenses, took him out, and so on. And now you say you rarely ever open your wallet when it comes to dating. That is why I have asked, what happened? Why the big change from taking care of a man to rarely ever opening your wallet now (according to you)?

Dang straight I expected my ex to do housework

And I totally agree with you. Why not think the same when it comes to dating? It’s fine if the guys you go out with spend their paycheck on you, buy you computers, tvs, and all the things you have shared before. I just wonder why you expect men to do house chores because “two are involved in that house” but when it comes to dating it sounds as if only the man is involved. You don’t put your foot down there?

But when both partners work full-time, both partners do housework, too. Really, it's not that difficult to understand.

Agree but also when both accept to go out on a date, both are interested in knowing each other. So having both involved in all aspects of the date has made sense so far for me and the girls that ask me out or I ask them out.

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

I know. If these people weren't so sad, they would be funny. I have never, EVER, run into any man (or woman) like those portrayed in these threads over money. And I am so thankful for that!!

So I suppose you pay on the first date, take the initiative to ask a man (not your boyfriend or husband, or a guy that has taken you out for a long time), and so on, right?

Brunodog,
Exactly. Women are quickk to say "whoever asks pays" which pretty much means "men should pay for my expenses". Women rarely ask a guy out. Maybe their long time boyfriend on his birthday or the husband but I think even women can admit that women rarely ever ask men out. Sure sure, there are exceptions.

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by brunodog

But usually girl never ask the guy out.

I already addressed that upthread. Just because that is your experience doesn't make it the only experience. Plenty of women ask men out. If you want women to ask you out, be the kind of man they want to go out with.

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

I know. If these people weren't so sad, they would be funny. I have never, EVER, run into any man (or woman) like those portrayed in these threads over money. And I am so thankful for that!!

I can just imagine how some of these folks are in relationships.

"Hey, hon, could you give me a backrub tonight? I gave you three last month and you only gave me two. You owe me one."

"Babe, I looked up the gifts you gave me on Amazon. I spent $223 on you this Christmas. You spent $189 on me. You can take me to a movie to make up for it. You'll be getting the popcorn, of course."

And the piece de resistance:

"Sorry, love. I don't mean to leave you hanging, but you haven't made up for those extra three orgasms I gave you in October."

People who keep tabs on tabs, keep tabs on other things.

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

There are SOOOO many things to do, if they would just climb out of the box sometimes...and look around. Yanno? My first THREE dates with my current boyfriend - 1)2 games of putt-putt down at the beach 2) Howloscream at Busch Gardens and 3) a return to Howloscream (1 ticket got us 2 visits). We didn't have a single sit-down dinner date...for, gosh...I don't remember how long it was before we did that. Heck, by that time, we were exclusive.

My first date with my SO consisted of feeding wild birds (cost of parking and birdfood), lunch at Subway (OMG! HE PICKED UP THE TAB!), wine-tasting (free), dinner at a local Italian place (OMG! HE PICKED UP THE TAB!), and TV (my room--I was up here looking for places and opted to stay in a hotel so as not to wake my sister up if he and I stayed out late). The only reason I remember that "Dog the Bounty Hunter" was on TV was because I don't watch that program and suddenly noticed it out of the blue. When I click with someone, we'll have fun regardless of what we do or where we go.

I dunno. I'm a writer and am perfectly comfortable with the notion that I will be working until the day I drop dead because even if I win the Mega Millions, there are still stories to tell. I grew up in a working family in a working-class neighborhood. I went to college on scholarships and (OMG!) student loans, happy with a 1 BR apartment, don't have a lot of gadgets or clothes, don't go out and buy the latest version of anything just because it came out and instead use what I have until it falls apart or breaks. I used the TV I bought in 1993 until 2007, and would still be using it if it wasn't for a) analog being obsolete, b) my SO expressing his frustration with it by saying, "You won't be able to use a Wii on this [guess what he got me for Christmas?], and you definitely couldn't play Mario on this" and showing up one day with a TV he bought from a friend who was getting rid of it.

He later blew up the TV...playing Mario. It just *poof* popped. I was in the kitchen, listening to the music while he played, then silence, then "oh, chit." So that is why he gave me a nice one for my birthday shortly thereafter. Let's see, he gave me the stereo equipment because he's an audiophile and that's his hobby, and I was still listening to music on a boom box my sisters gave me for college graduation in 1988. He knew I had gotten the blue screen of death on my computer (which is my livelihood) and he got a good deal on a laptop (including rebates and law enforcement discounts), so that was a birthday gift for a milestone birthday (45!). And honestly? He gets annoyed when I don't use the other fancy gizmos he gets, but I keep telling him I don't NEED all of it and to stop spending so much money.

But hey, because I don't hold a gun to his head or insult him by returning his gifts and wiring the money back into his account--you know "take action"--I MUST BE A GOLD-DIGGER!

Really. Some people are just socially inept aholes who will most likely die alone. I suppose they can line their coffins with all the money they don't spend on dates.

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by onihC

I will quote your line: “The third date will be my idea if he doesn’t beat me to the suggestion first”, that is, if he doesn’t beat you to the punch which, according to you, happens most of the time, if not all.

Yep. The men who ask me out are generally get on the phone the next day to ask me for another date, whereas I am busy living the life that makes me so interesting and appealing in the first place. Horrors! What social injustice and financial inequality that I don't fall all over men the way they fall all over me! How dreadfully unfair that I am so wonderful and just bowl the men I date over so that they can't wait to see me again!

Why not be tough and put your foot down the same way you would tell men to do house chores? “Thank you for treating me dinner last night but I feel great to treat you as well and I find it right to do so. Not letting me contribute to expenses as much as you do simply makes me uncomfortable and that is not the way I like to do things. I will be uncomfortable with you if I don’t contribute to expenses. It’s on me…”

Because I'm not socially inept. I don't know any man who would find that anything other than bizarre, if not a red flag for mealy-mouthed, mousy, insecure weirdness. None of the men I know would want to be with a woman so devoid of confidence and self-worth that she would feel uncomfortable accepting a meal. If any man ever said that to me when I took him out, I'd dump his arse, pronto, because he's going to be an anal-retentive tab-keeping freak like Harold in the Joy Luck Club video I posted last night.

But I also apply that to dating and ask, why leave all the work to the guy?

Who said anything about leaving all the work to the guy? Only you. But again, don't hate me because men generally like me more than I like them and voluntarily decide to pursue me.

Yes, I bring it because it seems to have changed you quite drastically. You said you basically took care of all expenses, took him out, and so on.

Wrong again. There's no big change. Only YOU say there is, and you are the one who is being presumptuous and inappropriate in your assessments because you don't know me.

And now you say you rarely ever open your wallet when it comes to dating. That is why I have asked, what happened? Why the big change from taking care of a man to rarely ever opening your wallet now (according to you)?

No, wrong again. Not according to me. According to YOU. I've dropped a nice piece of change on my SO over the years.

And guess what? How much and how often is none of your business.

Really, you need to worry about your own lovelife, because fixating on me is creepy and stalkerish.

[onihC]

Originally Posted by Yzette

Yep. The men who ask me out are generally get on the phone the next day to ask me for another date, whereas I am busy living the life that makes me so interesting and appealing in the first place.

There you go. So I wasn’t far off when I said men “beat you to the punch” and you rarely ever take the initiative, open your wallet, etc. Yet, you do make a fuzz about men not helping you do house chores. Oh, but that is “different”.

None of the men I know would want to be with a woman so devoid of confidence and self-worth that she would feel uncomfortable accepting a meal

It’s women being thankful and being as interested at the guy enough to do more than just showing up as you seem to do with the men that take you out to eat, entertain you, shower you with gifts, etc. Many women like dates to be about them, that’s fine. I enjoy dates to be about us.

Who said anything about leaving all the work to the guy? Only you. But again, don't hate me because men generally like me more than I like them and voluntarily decide to pursue me

Oh no. It’s not hating you about enjoying your women privileges. I was curious about your tough aggressive stance about men not doing anything at home and leaving it all to the woman, yet, not hearing you act all tough about dating and just enjoy being in the receiving end. Sounds a bit hypocritical. “Men should not leave all house chores to me, this is OUR house. A man does that to me and I will dump him!...oh, but when men take me out it’s different. I rarely ever take the initiative…”

Wrong again. There's no big change. Only YOU say there is, and you are the one who is being presumptuous and inappropriate in your assessments because you don't know me

Didn’t you say you got tired of taking care of your husband in all aspects and he didn’t do a thing for you? Now, you have men taking care of you (your expenses, your meals, your drinks, showering you with gifts, and so on) which is opposite of what you had with your ex, and you don’t seem to have a problem just being in the receiving end.

No, wrong again. Not according to me. According to YOU. I've dropped a nice piece of change on my SO over the years

I guess it is “change” since you have admitted in different occasions how men rarely ever let you open your wallet which, obviously, you won’t complain. Hey, you are the one saying you rarely ever open your wallet for a man, not me.

And guess what? How much and how often is none of your business

I could say the same from the statements you throw at me, how you have questioned me and I have gladly replied without giving you an attitude, and so on. This is a forum and people debate from their opinion and from whatever the OP or another participant shares. If you don’t want people to question your things, why even share them here?

Really, you need to worry about your own lovelife, because fixating on me is creepy and stalkerish.

Like the times you have just quoted me to tell me I am lying, eh? Don't complain about something you do and move on with the debate or simply leave it as it is.

[darrensmooth]

Originally Posted by onihC

There you go. So I wasn’t far off when I said men “beat you to the punch” and you rarely ever take the initiative, open your wallet, etc. Yet, you do make a fuzz about men not helping you do house chores. Oh, but that is “different”.



It’s women being thankful and being as interested at the guy enough to do more than just showing up as you seem to do with the men that take you out to eat, entertain you, shower you with gifts, etc. Many women like dates to be about them, that’s fine. I enjoy dates to be about us.



Oh no. It’s not hating you about enjoying your women privileges. I was curious about your tough aggressive stance about men not doing anything at home and leaving it all to the woman, yet, not hearing you act all tough about dating and just enjoy being in the receiving end. Sounds a bit hypocritical. “Men should not leave all house chores to me, this is OUR house. A man does that to me and I will dump him!...oh, but when men take me out it’s different. I rarely ever take the initiative…”



Didn’t you say you got tired of taking care of your husband in all aspects and he didn’t do a thing for you? Now, you have men taking care of you (your expenses, your meals, your drinks, showering you with gifts, and so on) which is opposite of what you had with your ex, and you don’t seem to have a problem just being in the receiving end.



I guess it is “change” since you have admitted in different occasions how men rarely ever let you open your wallet which, obviously, you won’t complain. Hey, you are the one saying you rarely ever open your wallet for a man, not me.



I could say the same from the statements you throw at me, how you have questioned me and I have gladly replied without giving you an attitude, and so on. This is a forum and people debate from their opinion and from whatever the OP or another participant shares. If you don’t want people to question your things, why even share them here?



Like the times you have just quoted me to tell me I am lying, eh? Don't complain about something you do and move on with the debate or simply leave it as it is.

dude, why are you SO obessed with this issue?

[nowitsshowtime]

If I were you, I would text her back and say your apologies, you thought she wanted to pay but have no problem paying yourself.

Then go to a somewhat fancy restaurant, tell her its on your dime, eat, go to bathroom, never go back to table, leave her with bill. That should teach her about being a gold digga

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by onihC

t’s women being thankful and being as interested at the guy enough to do more than just showing up as you seem to do with the men that take you out to eat, entertain you, shower you with gifts, etc.

It's an unfortunate fact--for you--that not every woman wants a second date with every man. Women don't owe you anything but a thank you for what you voluntarily offer.

The rest of your post is not worth the time or effort to respond, as it is flogging a dead horse and I have already addressed all of it--including the difference between a first date and cohabitation--many times. As for lying, I've never accused you of that. You must be thinking of someone else.

how you have questioned me and I have gladly replied without giving you an attitude, and so on.

Actually, I don't question you about your lovelife because I don't care about it. The things you write paint you as someone I wouldn't want to know.

[Raptor76]

Whenever I wonder why so many people are single and can't get another date....I open threads like these.

[nowitsshowtime]

Originally Posted by Yzette

It's an unfortunate fact--for you--that not every woman wants a second date with every man. Women don't owe you anything but a thank you for what you voluntarily offer.

The rest of your post is not worth the time or effort to respond, as it is flogging a dead horse and I have already addressed all of it--including the difference between a first date and cohabitation--many times. As for lying, I've never accused you of that. You must be thinking of someone else.

Actually, I don't question you about your lovelife because I don't care about it. The things you write paint you as someone I wouldn't want to know.

Yzette, I missed a lot of what you've said in this thread, maybe its been covered, do you go out with guys on a date, to dinner, for drinks, etc even if you really arent interested?