A new day has dawned. I am free! (shopping, regret, opening)
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Hiffy...if i came down there, I wouldn't sell jewelry. I would have to stay at the booth the whole time and not spend time with the kids or anyone!
Good morning everyone. Its Sunday morning, and I think I am not going to churvh. Right now, we are inbetween preachers, and it is a political warfare there. tjibda is probably taking the kids to another church if he is taking them at all, I suspect that story as a cover up that he is not taking them.
I am geared up for walking, already in my clothes and shoes for it...thanks HIF for making me think about it, I need to be walking. Found my MP3 and I am good to go.
When I come back I am gonna grab a big ole Tink cuppa coffe and sit on the front porch swing and take it all in.
I have to go to JCP to take the kids jeans back I bought them last weekend, of course they are both bigger than the jeans are...what int he world...cheese and crackers!
I have a pumpkin on either side of the front porch of Chimes. Cute. I dont do Halloween, but i do Fall.
I walked this morning, in the fog. The fog has loomed here for several days. I do not ask anymore, what does this fog mean for me, what do I have in store.
It is just fog. I walked down the street. The world is asleep, except for me and two cats that I came across along the way. One road was covered in pine needles, as no one had driven through yet to clear them out.
I just looked around at everything, the walk is not the same. I think the walk, before, had a meaning, a reason. The walk now, is just because.
The white cat tried to hide, in plain view, I talked to her, to let her know I was not a threat, I turned onto a street with regular fall leaves all over the ground. Cotton from the field across the way is everywhere, even though it has not been picked yet.
The mist of the fog, as I walked, it covered my face, made my hair and clothes wet. I walked under trees and was looking at the ground. Drops of water fell from the trees onto my neck.
The mist was a wonderful feeling, a feeling of renewal, almost. Next a tan cat, hiding as well.
So many pumpkins and fall flowers about. I got to the main road and there were a few cars going by, maybe three, and passed Chimes. I went down the road some, with the music playing, the song from church that day played, and once again, it was wonderful.
I dont have it anywhere else besides the MP3. I turned around and walked towards home. I looked at the houses on the street I live on. My house just seems so much older than the others. I dont know. I came up on the porch and Lucy greeted me just inside the door, sitting on a beach chair.
The walk was nice. Really not with much meaning. As I walked down the side walk I stretched out my hands and looked at them, to see if there was any puffiness. Not much. I looked at my left hand. I had been so used to turning my ring around, the diamond ring part would always shift, I think because I had lost weight, and because my hands were either puffy, or not.
I did not have to shift any rings. You can hardly tell they were there anymore. I took them off on July 21. I wear a very petite ring on my right hand, that is all. I wear one bracelet on the right arm, med alert, and a thin necklace, with a small cross. Very simple.
The fog did not bother me today, it did not worry me. The mist of the fog actually felt good on my face and arms. I am here alone, with the cats, and next I will drink coffee, and start the day. No church today.
The fog is what it is, only fog. For at one time, the fog had a meaning, and truly it did, bad things happened soon after. The fog is only fog.
Good morning, Robyn! I'm up early to finish cleaning out my attic & the bedrooms - hating the job, hoping the house sells quickly, knowing there is not much chance of that in this market.
As I read your last post about your walk, I'm struck by how it didn't hold a lot of specific meaning for you ~ I think you are showing signs of having processed enough issues in your mind, that now, a walk is just a walk, fog is just fog. Now your walks can be for meditative purposes ~ similar to working out problems, but really for appreciating life around you, dreaming and setting goals too.
Rockky: I'm one of those people who gives others wayyyy too much credit and room to take advantage. I don't 'see' you as you see yourself! haha You are one tough cookie, always calling a spade a spade ~ I'd be afraid to meet the person who tries to take advantage of you ~ you are an example to all of us on this forum for staying focused and for your directness, a true delight to post with...and you are correct, this Thread has offered invaluable information and options for people going through Robyn's circumstances.
Back to work, I'll pop on later to see who's around. Enjoy your Sundays!
Robyn, I suspect your walks, prior to The House of Chimes, were symbolic of your escape. You could get out there alone with nature and feel free. You felt strong and alive as your psyche aligned with your plans. It was the one place and time you were not under pressure. "These 'sneaks' were made for walkin'...and that's just what they'll do....One of these days these 'sneaks' are gonna walk all over you!!!" Was that ever playin' in the back of your mind as you walked?
Now you have the entire house in which to be free from stress, pressure, manipulation, and harassment. Your soul may not require the same respite from the walks, but your body does. The physical activity will help ward off the blues and get you out of the house. Both important right now.
It looks like there is a cold front heading in to the East Coast. The fog may lift by Wednesday. If it doesn't, it'll be gone before there's a big snow.
I love your landlady!!!!!! Don't you give him that money! Sorry -that was the bossy part of me - but all I can do is cheer now because you will have $$ to make A & L's first Chimes Christmas GREAT!!!!! and you won't have to stress so much about your budget!!!!
Just wait until you do your taxes - you'll be able to claim head of the household for last year and you will get a very big refund JUST for you! I always paid off my car insurance with that big old check and took the rest and bought a big item that we needed - a new sweeper, a new tv - a couch or beds.....
Everyday you see little things working out and it will keep your smile in place so you can keep on keeping on. Silver linings are the best!!
As far as a vaca - the kids would probably love to go ANYWHERE and stay in a hotel - you should wait until the dust clears and do that - even if it's not very far away. It's the little things that make memories. When I was single and couldn't take the kids anywhere we went to a hotel about 1.5 hours away that had a huge pool and we stayed there - the kids were in heaven! It doesn't seem like much - but it can make such a difference.
I hope you have a nice day - I am taking the kids - all of them pumpkin picking today. the older ones grumble that they are too old now - but as soon as they get there they are right down with the little ones trying to find the perfect jack pumpkin! My older son calls it family fun time and he teases me when ever I "make" them all sit down with my hubby and I and play cards or games - but then he hugs me later and tells me that none of his friends do it and he loves his goofy mom!
Just ignore IB - you are soo good at that - and move forward in the direction YOU want to go!!!
MsV, I must come across on line very differently than what my friends tell me I am like IRL. My SO pointed out to me the other week that I always walk behind him. No matter how much he slows down, I always stay a couple steps behind. I never thought about it, but he's right. I do.
Me? Focused? LOL! When we had meetings about interventions for the kids at work, the one counselor used to give me the hands on either side of her head..moving them in and out...telling me to focus. Yeah. I'd drift. I was searching for the right plan. Geesh!
I tend to get my undies in a knot when I see someone else being mistreated or bullied. I take care of others much better than I care for myself. Maybe I need to seek professional help for this. Nah. I'll never change. I'm old. I tried to be more assertive for a period of time. It felt horrible...physically off balance. That's about the time my husband said I was the b/witch who ruined his life, and he was leaving.
As a matter of fact, I just read what you wrote to my SO. He's sitting here going...Humm? Really? Are you sure she's talking about *you*?!! Really?!? Humm?!!? ROTFLMAO!
I have been reading back through all of this and I have to say that you guys are all great. I stumbled across this site when I was looking for info on a city for work and I was hooked. I read Robyn's first post from the house of chimes and I was suddenly back in my Light years. I am glad to see that some of the wildness that I made it through can help someone else and I am happy to hear from so many people who made it too! I have these images of all of you in my mind and I feel like we're all sitting around drinking coffee together.
Robyn - you are really blessed to have everyone to bounce things off and get lectured by! (TEE-HEE!!)
Have a great day everyone!
I am unpacking more boxes, I have talked to Lindsay this morning. Alexander is still asleep. My last post is the last time I was here, and from there, I drank my Tink cup of coffee and sat on the swing just looking around at it all, happy, thinking, one day, it wont be me just alone.
Not anytime soon, though.
Haste. I think of haste because I unpacked one box that was hastily packed. In it I found a t shirt that was half of a fathers day present for Jim. It was a navy blue hat that was made to look like a sports cap, with a matching t. It is navy w orange writing. Property of my family.
he gave me the t shirt, as it did not fit him, I got the biggest size they had. I looked at that shirt just a little while ago, I have been unpacking, washing drying and folding clothes, moving the kids furniture and saw that shirt.
I pulled it from the box of just misc things. It said to me ...a broken family. It brought sadness to me. I did not cry, just threw it int he washer witht he rest of the darks and went about the things I was doing.
It was not hastily, what happened. I tried, he says he did. It could not go on. I came on here for solace.
I found it. In everyone. I did not cry over the shirt, but some of the posts brought tears to my eyes, because they were so true. So correct in every aspect.
My walks...they had purpose then.
It feels so good to sit here and be a free spirit, you just dont even know. Yes, he has a hold on me, but not the same one. I spoke w him this morning to talk to Lindsay, and he didn't really talk to me, I reminded him of the taxes, he had just woken up.
I have only walked about 4x since being here, but never has it been the same as before, like in natures super dome. These are what they are. They are walks.
They feel good to my body, my joints, my skin with the mist. I take in the area, the houses, the cats...
But in my mind, I am not walking and processing, I am not comparing my feelings to what is before me.
Are my writing days gone? I dont think so. My days of what will I do are gone. My days of how will I do it are gone, can I do it? Not here anymore.
Those years ago, I could not have done it.
I am in the here, and I am in the now, and I am doing it, Praise the All Mighty Lord, my God. I am doing it!!!!!!!
When your life has meaning and a purpose you don't have to look for those all around you. sometimes life is just life - the dishes - the laundry - the homework and the bills. No drama or struggles - it's boring. Thank God for boring!
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In a Fog
I looked at that shirt just a little while ago, I have been unpacking, washing drying and folding clothes, moving the kids furniture and saw that shirt.
