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This is interesting. I can see how headphone use would change things. But all the gyms I've been in (in several cities/states since the early 90's), there is usually an equal number of women and men in the weight room, and the atmosphere is friendly, especially in the YMCA gyms and the virtually free public gyms. In the pricey more exclusive ones is where the women wear expensive outfits designed to attract attention, but the atmosphere is isn't so informal, and people tend to keep to themselves more, unless there's a juice bar where people gather.
i've worked out at gyms in los angeles and now that i live in NYC, here in manhattan. in LA i've worked out at powerhouse, bally's, spectrum, world gym and gold's gym. in NYC i've been at bally's and NYSC. it was pretty much the same everywhere i went. people come in, do their thing and leave. i really can't say there's ever been an indication that ppl were interested in socializing. if you're an exceptionally good looking man/woman, then perhaps you might get some attention, but even so, as i said before, it's exceptionally rare for a guy to walk up to a chic randomly.
As someone who is heavily into weight training and bodybuilding, I have an interest in strong women and those who are also heavy lifters. Unfortunately, it's hard to meet women like that outside of the gym (and maybe contests, though based on my experience they tend to stay within their own groups, plus, talking to someone when they are heavily carb and water-depleted is not a good idea at all.) This forum gave me great advice on how to approach someone at the gym.
Yesterday night, I noticed this absolutely jacked woman in the powerlifting area doing perfectly executed deadlifts and squats. Now, I don't go to a gym that produces a ton of powerlifters and bodybuilders, especially female ones, so that was quite the awesome sight. Since she was so focused on her lifting, I didn't want to interrupt her at all (even during the breaks between sets) until she was done. I went on with my workout, and when she was done and cooling down, I approached her, and asked her if she competed. She said yes, and I then said that her routine was extremely impressive and that it's awesome to see women who are dedicated to lifting heavy. I then asked her about her routine, specifically, as to how effective doing deadlifts and squats on the same workout are (I don't do them on the same day.) She responded by saying:
"Look, I am not interested in talking training with anyone, and even if I was, you are way to small for me to even consider your company. My ex was a 230 lb powerlifter, and even that was in the small-end of guys that I am attracted to. Try gaining some size before talking to female lifters next time."
What...the...hell? Ok, I know I am not the biggest guy in the weight room, but I am decently big and strong for my size (5'6", 173 lbs and just performed a max bench of 325 two weeks ago.) I actually felt proud of the gains I was making, but damn, that freaking hurt. Not just from the rejection itself, but if my accomplishments aren't really accomplishments at all. I know I'll probably never break that 200 lb mark, but damnit I train extremely hard, and I don't "use" anything except protein.
Ugh, sorry, I know I shouldn't taken that personally, but that hurt a lot.
hahahahah that's hilarious Just laugh it off man, who gives a crap about her! I think brutal rejections are funny. I remember approaching a girl one time after I had too much to drink and she stuck her middle finger right in my face and told me to get the F*CK away. Just laugh it off man, who cares and ask out the next. There's no reason to let a dumb woman make you feel bad.
Ouch, that one hurt. She didn't have to go so out of her way to put you down, she could have simply said she was not interested or was already with someone. There are nice ways to "reject" people. I would just look at this as you would never want to be with someone with a personality like that to begin with. Try to not take it personally and think of it more like this woman has some issues and be glad it was said and done before it began. You are bound to be rejected now and then when you approach women. Unfortunately the women you are attracted to are not so easy to find. Maybe try going to some different gyms now and then, just once or twice to check out who goes there. I would guess you can pay for just a day pass to go and not join.
This... ermm, woman is accustomed to ridiculously huge, beyond brawny types that might also tend to be overly competitive and aggressive. In the past, a simple "I'm seeing someone right now" might have resulted in "You tellin me you don't like THIS!? *flex*" or "I can kiss his ass for ya?" and a host of other obnoxious, entirely unforgiveable fits in the guise of an ego. Not excusing her, mind you. But maybe she's just not used to dealing with... you know, real human beings.
Thanks all for the replies. You are all right when you say that this one person should not influence how I feel about my build and what I accomplish. Admittedly, though, in the heat of emotion when she reacted the way she did, it did hit pretty hard.
Also, please note that I do not go to the gym to meet women. Again, I do NOT go to the gym to hit on women. I go to the gym to train; I have been lifting for many years. HOWEVER, I am attracted to women with muscle (have been my whole life,) or those who are into serious weight training, so it would be a nice "icing" on the cake to meet a woman who is also into those kinds of things. I just am not attracted to the strict cardio girls, or the ones who are afraid to lift anything heavier than 10 lbs. They're just hard to find, especially outside the gym.
If I may share a bit of a character flaw in me, it's this. The reason why what she said hurt me so bad is because, admittedly, part of the reason I do train hard in order to get big is to attract the women that I like. The few times I have seen strong-looking women or women who are actually pushing heavy dumbbells and barbells, the majority have a boyfriend (or husband) in tow who is just absolutely HUGE or intimidating looking. Now, like I said, I do have muscle, and you can tell I work out, but I can honestly say that my size doesn't accurately show my strength; I think genetic-wise I have a small build; my whole family has small builds. I have quite a few friends who look so much more bigger and more ripped than me, yet I can easily outlift them. Honestly, deep in my head I wonder if I have to be as big as those guys I see just to have a shot at a woman I am physically attracted to, so when she said that it just hit me like a hammer.
I think some of you are right in saying that I should look for other women (due to availability and prevalence issues.) I do have other interests. I am a voracious reader (currently reading Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon, great read,) I love art, classic film, chess and just anything that educates my mind. Smart women are also a huge turn-on for me. Maybe I should search those venues instead of the gym. It's funny, I spend as much if not more time in the library than in the gym .
I've gone to 4 gyms and never once have any of them had social events, so I don't know who has these events unless its just in NYC or LA. I am a woman who does bodybuilding not a power lifter mind you but I do lift heavy and there are few of us at the gyms I've belonged. I gotta tell you the more muscly women all complain in the locker room about being hit on by the guys constantly. Men see the gym as a meat market and women who go to the gym usually go for a reason of either to lose weight or build muscle. They don't generally go there for dates unless they are teens. If you go on bodybuilding forums the majority of women will say the same they don't want guys asking them out there and they don't want to be interrupted during their routine. In the gyms I've belonged to the wearing of earphones is the common signal that means " don't approach me" and some of us have even worn our earbuds when our ipod was broken or battery dead. LOL
I think its bad advice to tell men to use the gym as a place to meet women. Just like its commonly said men should go to church to meet women and that advice has turned churches into meat markets. I stopped attending 2 churches because I had people, both men and women hitting on me the first few times I visited.
part of the reason I do train hard in order to get big is to attract the women that I like. The few times I have seen strong-looking women or women who are actually pushing heavy dumbbells and barbells, the majority have a boyfriend (or husband) in tow who is just absolutely HUGE or intimidating looking. Now, like I said, I do have muscle, and you can tell I work out, but I can honestly say that my size doesn't accurately show my strength; I think genetic-wise I have a small build; my whole family has small builds. I have quite a few friends who look so much more bigger and more ripped than me, yet I can easily outlift them. Honestly, deep in my head I wonder if I have to be as big as those guys I see just to have a shot at a woman I am physically attracted to, so when she said that it just hit me like a hammer.
I will be honest here and you can take it any way you wish but, frankly, I think you're doing all this 'training' for the wrong reasons. It's almost as if you are not really enjoying it deep down and you're also using it as a gauge for whether you can attract a very specific type of woman which, also frankly, is quite rare. When you are rejected - for whatever reason - you automatically turn it inward and blame your lack of muscle for it when it could be something entirely different. The VAST MAJORITY of women are not into bodybuilding and most of them couldn't care less about finding a man who is a bodybuilder. I will say it appears to me that you are trying to compensate for some perceived deficit you have in your life. Dunno... just my uneducated opinion here.
I agree with those who say perhaps you should 'look outside the box' and find a GOOD woman, regardless of her physique. Now, I'm not saying you should lower your standards but perhaps give women you otherwise wouldn't even consider strictly based on your BB requirement.
And with that said... being 'buff' does not make for a good relationship by itself. As I've said... most people are not into that and they have satisfying and fulfilling relationships.
I think some of you are right in saying that I should look for other women (due to availability and prevalence issues.) I do have other interests. I am a voracious reader (currently reading Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon, great read,) I love art, classic film, chess and just anything that educates my mind. Smart women are also a huge turn-on for me. Maybe I should search those venues instead of the gym. It's funny, I spend as much if not more time in the library than in the gym .
You should never look for one specific type of woman, not saying this is you, but it's really similar to some of the creeps on here who go only for a specific race. Judge women based on the individual and don't throw out blanket statements for all type of women. Meet a nice one and ask her out, don't limit yourself to one type. It's not about lowering your standards, it's about broadening your view on people. That being said, hit on every muscular woman you see, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I think some of you are right in saying that I should look for other women (due to availability and prevalence issues.) I do have other interests. I am a voracious reader (currently reading Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon, great read,) I love art, classic film, chess and just anything that educates my mind. Smart women are also a huge turn-on for me. Maybe I should search those venues instead of the gym. It's funny, I spend as much if not more time in the library than in the gym .
Now you're making sense. Cast a wider net that includes all the types that interest you. I think we had a thread about where smart women hang out. Bookstores, concerts, symphony, coffee shops, lectures, as well as all the other usual venues. (Gyms, too )
Now you're making sense. Cast a wider net that includes all the types that interest you. I think we had a thread about where smart women hang out. Bookstores, concerts, symphony, coffee shops, lectures, as well as all the other usual venues. (Gyms, too )
Meetup.com is good too and there is a group for practically every interest, depending on the size of city you live in. Seems there are too many women at them anyway. A funny--I started to take banjo a few months ago and had this idea that maybe I would meet a man while I did something fun b/c it's mostly men you see playing banjos you know, but wouldn't you know that they called ours "The Lady Banjo Class"! Well I'm just going to keep doing fun stuff though I've never had a conversation with a man in a bookstore--seems people are too focused there.
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Just laugh it off man, who gives a crap about her! I think brutal rejections are funny. I remember approaching a girl one time after I had too much to drink and she stuck her middle finger right in my face and told me to get the F*CK away. 
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Well I'm just going to keep doing fun stuff though I've never had a conversation with a man in a bookstore--seems people are too focused there.
