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I didn't work because the men who'd contacted me were only interested in sex.
And for the record, I don't have height requirements. I also don't have education requirements as long as a guy is responsible, smart and hard-working. I've also tried giving chances to men that I didn't find attractive. Either they would stalk and harass me, or I found that they actually weren't any nicer or any more interested in a serious relationship than the more attractive guys I've gone out with.
One of my friends dated a guy who not only was unattractive but was disabled with partial limbs (arms). She moved him in with her and everything. It turned out that he was a no-good con artist, emotionally manipulating my friend and several other women all at once, getting money and gifts from them. This idea that not-so-hot guys will be nicer and treat woman better is nothing more than a BS myth.
You just haven't found the right not-so-hot guys. I'm here to tell you that we make the best partners.
I know quite a few genuinely good women who are excellent relationship material, whom I connect with very well, and many of whom also happen to be physically beautiful. I just don't know (or ever meet) any who are actually available.
Yes, I think there are many good people out there. However, most of them are not single and are unavailable. Most of them tend to be in long-term relationships by their early-to-mid 20s...and their partner is usually a good person him/herself. After all, they probably have characteristics that are desirable to a lot of others. That said...that still leaves many millions of 'em who are single in their late 20s/30s/40s.
If you want to find and partner up with a good person, then it would help a lot if you have a good head on your own shoulders. It's like the phrase: "the best way to make new friends is to be a good friend".
They get bombarded mainly with sleaze and with two- or three-word messages, illiterate messages and mass messaging. This is a fantasy, that good-looking, normal/decent guys are filling women's mailboxes online.
There is a lot of filtering required with OLD, which gets tiresome. And it takes a lot of this filtering plus messaging back & forth a bit to even get to an in-person date.
You can try and filter by what you put in your profile, in order to discourage incompatible people, but if these men don't bother to read profiles and instead just message any woman with a photo that gives them a funny feeling in their pants, then it doesn't work to reduce messages from undesirable people. It MAY work to attract the right guys who actually read it & choose to respond to you because of what you've written AND your photo. There seem to be a fair amount of decent guys who are reasonably attractive, but by the time you filter to get to them, you are too tired to even date . OLD feels like a lot of potential, but not enough payoff.
The response online isn't indicative of real world attractiveness either. I do fine online - I'm pretty enough and can write well. My stats sound great to many. But in person I don't attract people so readily because I initially have a reserved demeanor which can read as unfriendly. Every ex I have says I am one of the most patient, kind and understudying women they've ever known, but the first impression others form of me is rarely along those lines. I have worked substantially on this, but there is a point where you have to accept yourself - I am simply not a very outgoing person and require time to get to know well.
I agree with your previous post that people have too many biases and silly hang-ups, and the "system" of pairing off is more flawed than the potential partners out there. Basically, whether in real life or online, the filtering process is difficult, time-consuming and tiring, and that tends to leave one bitter and worn-out.
I heard of some trend of people wearing shirts that say "Love me anyways". While it's clearly a meme, it has an interesting message. The idea of not writing people off over every little thing, but exercising some compassion and understanding that others are as flawed as you are, and ultimately, offering acceptance. Balancing that with filtering is part of the issue too, and while filtering is so exhausting - where to draw the line between acceptance and glossing over real incompatibilities or potential, serious negatives?
No, she wouldn't. For one thing, no one would know she's a nice person and single, just by looking at her. Men would still be too shy to approach, or would assume she's taken, not to mention all the guys who have given up on trying to find anyone or who consider approaching to be "too much work", believe they have nothing to offer women, or assume women will approach them. Men that this relatively attractive, nice woman approaches will still turn her down because she's not their type. Players will ignore her because she looks too "nice", and not hot-to-trot.
The quality of women hasn't gone way down. It's the dating scene, attitudes and complexes that's the same-old, same-old.
very true. i dont think the quality of women has gone, down, but rather up. women are more educated than they were thirty years ago, and they are capable of so much more because they realize it now more than they did in the past. and that holds true with the older women as well. so while women have gotten better, what have us guys done? we have gotten worse in some ways. back in the old days guys would approach women, and while they got shot down, they also scored as well. these days guys seem to avoid approaching womenin fear that they may get shot down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD
I'm single, nice and attractive woman. I get checked out by men but never get asked out. I've even asked my guy friends what's wrong with me. They say I'm the full package: beautiful, smart, sophisticated, funny and an overall good person. They also say they can't make out why I don't get dates.
The usual advice I get is to date people I'm not attracted to.
if you are too picky, that might be part of you problem. but in the end you are having to deal with guys who are for what ever reason more scared to approach women today than they used to be.
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. OLD feels like a lot of potential, but not enough payoff. 
