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very true. i dont think the quality of women has gone, down, but rather up. women are more educated than they were thirty years ago, and they are capable of so much more because they realize it now more than they did in the past. and that holds true with the older women as well. so while women have gotten better, what have us guys done? we have gotten worse in some ways. back in the old days guys would approach women, and while they got shot down, they also scored as well. these days guys seem to avoid approaching womenin fear that they may get shot down.
if you are too picky, that might be part of you problem. but in the end you are having to deal with guys who are for what ever reason more scared to approach women today than they used to be.
And let's define "picky." What does it mean to not be picky? Does not being picky mean that a person should give a chance to anyone who seeks their attention? Is it being too picky because you simply aren't attracted to someone? And when I say not attracted, I'm not referring to looks alone. You are not going to feel attraction or chemistry for a lot of people regardless of why they look like.
In the past, I had a guy tell me that while he found me physically attractive, he felt no chemistry with me. Chemistry is big for a lot of men and if they dont' feel that, they aren't going to choose a woman, no matter how nice and good-looking she is. I've come across men who are very good-looking whom I've also felt no chemistry with them.
There have been many times when I've been out and about where hobos have asked me for change and to go out with me in the same breath. Because I rejected those guys, does that make me picky? I used to work in a state government building where in the cafeteria, the workers were ex-cons in a half-way house. Those men would try to ask me out all the time. Because I turned them down, does that make me too picky?
People casually throw the term "too picky" around but where does one draw the line?
You just haven't found the right not-so-hot guys. I'm here to tell you that we make the best partners.
Yeah, that's what they all say and want to believe. Men are men based on my experiences. Finding a decent not-so-hot guy is just as hard as finding a decent hot guy. So since I have to put in the same amount of work, I may as well keep looking for the decent hot guy.
How often do men pass up decent women regardless of looks? All the time!
I've known many guys who are not-so-hot, who know they aren't all that but still think they deserve a ten. I had a guy friend tell me that he knows he's not attractive and yet he hopes to find a gorgeous woman who accepts him for him, while telling me in the same breath that I should forgo looks. I asked him why is it ok for him to care about looks but no ok for me. At first he couldn't come up with an answer. Then he said that women generally don't care about looks. REALLY?!
He had wanted to date me at one point but I wasn't feeling him like that. We became best friends and were friends for many years. He still used to suggest that we should get together. Years into our friendship, he turned out to be a horrible person and I had to cut him off cold turkey. What would I have gotten myself into if I overlooked what he looks like and dated him? I still would've ended up with a jerk that I had to get away from. So there I would've been, in a bad relationship with a guy who I wasn't attracted to but gave a chance to anyway.
The same men who tell women to forgo looks care about looks and only want to date hot women themselves. These things are only told to women for the benefit of men.
Last edited by Atlanta_BD; 08-24-2014 at 06:36 AM..
Yeah, that's what they all say and want to believe. Men are men based on my experiences. Finding a decent not-so-hot guy is just as hard as finding a decent hot guy. So since I have to put in the same amount of work, I may as well keep looking for the decent hot guy.
How often do men pass up decent women regardless of looks? All the time!
I've known many guys who are not-so-hot, who know they aren't all that but still think they deserve a ten. I had a guy friend tell me that he knows he's not attractive and yet he hopes to find a gorgeous woman who accepts him for him, while telling me in the same breath that I should forgo looks. I asked him why is it ok for him to care about looks but no ok for me. At first he couldn't come up with an answer. Then he said that women generally don't care about looks. REALLY?!
He had wanted to date me at one point but I wasn't feeling him like that. We became best friends and were friends for many years. He still used to suggest that we should get together. Years into our friendship, he turned out to be a horrible person and I had to cut him off cold turkey. What would I have gotten myself into if I overlooked what he looks like and dated him? I still would've ended up with a jerk that I had to get away from. So there I would've been, in a bad relationship with a guy who I wasn't attracted to but gave a chance to anyway.
The same men who tell women to forgo looks care about looks and only want to date hot women themselves. These things are only told to women for the benefit of men.
If I was a out there is today's dating world I wouldn't pass up a decent and attractive woman, however as I get to know her better things might change, but I would certainly give it a shot.
Yeah, that's what they all say and want to believe. Men are men based on my experiences. Finding a decent not-so-hot guy is just as hard as finding a decent hot guy. So since I have to put in the same amount of work, I may as well keep looking for the decent hot guy.
How often do men pass up decent women regardless of looks? All the time!
I've known many guys who are not-so-hot, who know they aren't all that but still think they deserve a ten. I had a guy friend tell me that he knows he's not attractive and yet he hopes to find a gorgeous woman who accepts him for him, while telling me in the same breath that I should forgo looks. I asked him why is it ok for him to care about looks but no ok for me. At first he couldn't come up with an answer. Then he said that women generally don't care about looks. REALLY?!
He had wanted to date me at one point but I wasn't feeling him like that. We became best friends and were friends for many years. He still used to suggest that we should get together. Years into our friendship, he turned out to be a horrible person and I had to cut him off cold turkey. What would I have gotten myself into if I overlooked what he looks like and dated him? I still would've ended up with a jerk that I had to get away from. So there I would've been, in a bad relationship with a guy who I wasn't attracted to but gave a chance to anyway.
The same men who tell women to forgo looks care about looks and only want to date hot women themselves. These things are only told to women for the benefit of men.
This trait is not unique to men, trust me. IMO people can't force themselves to be attracted to those they are not attracted to but if a person is picky I think they need to think about a couple of things:
1. If you have certain requirements in a potential mate then you should at least strive to meet those requirements yourself. It reeks of entitlement when people are looking for a certain standard in a partner that they themselves can't meet.
2. If you refuse to follow number one or have requirements that most people don't meet anyway than don't complain about how you can't find a suitable partner. You should already know that most people can't meet your expectations.
This trait is not unique to men, trust me. IMO people can't force themselves to be attracted to those they are not attracted to but if a person is picky I think they need to think about a couple of things:
1. If you have certain requirements in a potential mate then you should at least strive to meet those requirements yourself. It reeks of entitlement when people are looking for a certain standard in a partner that they themselves can't meet.
2. If you refuse to follow number one or have requirements that most people don't meet anyway than don't complain about how you can't find a suitable partner. You should already know that most people can't meet your expectations.
I agree with this and this is a problem for a lot of people. Like a person shouldn't demand someone that makes six figures if they don't make that themselves.
But the issue I have is that people call you picky when you don't want to date someone you aren't attracted to. Because if people should be open to just any and everyone, we may as well start the tradition of arranged marriages, letting others pick out who they think we should date and marry.
I'll go back to an experience I shared earlier: Some friends tried to set me up with a man who was old enough to be my father without asking me if I am interested in or attracted to older men. They felt that simply because we are both single, I should've been interested and open to it. I am not attracted to older men. Not at all. Does that make me picky?
Yeah, that's what they all say and want to believe. Men are men based on my experiences. Finding a decent not-so-hot guy is just as hard as finding a decent hot guy. So since I have to put in the same amount of work, I may as well keep looking for the decent hot guy.
How often do men pass up decent women regardless of looks? All the time!
I've known many guys who are not-so-hot, who know they aren't all that but still think they deserve a ten. I had a guy friend tell me that he knows he's not attractive and yet he hopes to find a gorgeous woman who accepts him for him, while telling me in the same breath that I should forgo looks. I asked him why is it ok for him to care about looks but no ok for me. At first he couldn't come up with an answer. Then he said that women generally don't care about looks. REALLY?!
He had wanted to date me at one point but I wasn't feeling him like that. We became best friends and were friends for many years. He still used to suggest that we should get together. Years into our friendship, he turned out to be a horrible person and I had to cut him off cold turkey. What would I have gotten myself into if I overlooked what he looks like and dated him? I still would've ended up with a jerk that I had to get away from. So there I would've been, in a bad relationship with a guy who I wasn't attracted to but gave a chance to anyway.
The same men who tell women to forgo looks care about looks and only want to date hot women themselves. These things are only told to women for the benefit of men.
How many other guys are interested in you that you "aren't feeling like that"? Hmmmm.....
Seem like there is a lot of scapegoating in this thread. People placing all the blame on one gender of why modern dating sucks instead of accepting the fact that there are bad apples of both genders.
To add on to that, just because someone is educated and has a well paying job doesn't mean they will be relationship material rbohm.
How many other guys are interested in you that you "aren't feeling like that"? Hmmmm.....
I've tried to go out with guys I weren't feeling like that. It didn't change that I just wasn't attracted to them for various reasons in most cases. The one time a guy that I wasn't feeling like that but grew on me after we starting hanging out and became friends came back with the same speech: "You are perfect, but I don't want a relationship with you." But we remained good friends. When he did marry a couple of years later, the woman he chose to marry verbally and physically abused him, was on drugs and constantly cheated on him. They divorced after only a few years of marriage and had no kids together. Funny thing about it is, after they divorced, even with all the problems she has, she was very easily able to go out and find someone else to marry her and she now has a child.
So you are saying is that people should date people they aren't interested in to increase their chances?
In my experiences men have no issues rejecting women they don't want, but women need to be less picky?
I've tried to go out with guys I weren't feeling like that. It didn't change that I just wasn't attracted to them for various reasons in most cases. The one time a guy that I wasn't feeling like that but grew on me after we starting hanging out and became friends came back with the same speech: "You are perfect, but I don't want a relationship with you." But we remained good friends. When he did marry a couple of years later, the woman he chose to marry verbally and physically abused him, was on drugs and constantly cheated on him. They divorced after only a few years of marriage and had no kids together. Funny thing about it is, after they divorced, even with all the problems she has, she was very easily able to go out and find someone else to marry her and she now has a child.
So you are saying is that people should date people they aren't interested in to increase their chances?
In my experiences men have no issues rejecting women they don't want, but women need to be less picky?
Some people don't need to be less picky. The vast majority of women that I know generally get any guy that they desire (strange, that it's so different on this site). Obviously, they do not need to do this because they don't have to.
For the extremely rare woman that does not get what she wants in dating, yes, she should compromise on at least one of her requirements (ie: consider a guy that's under 6 feet or one that doesn't look like a model).
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