Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My question was asked in response to a specific post. The poster was upset because he felt that "women" made a certain subset of men work harder than another subset of men. My point was that not everyone is equal when it comes to dating - not even women. So saying that women shouldn't treat men differently from each other is ridiculous. We all treat everyone differently based on who we are, what we look like, etc. If we didn't - then we could just draw numbers out of a hat to find our partner.
I understand that a lot of men on here have no sympathy for women unless they ask out men all the time - and that's certainly your right. I see things differently. I feel sympathy toward anyone that has a hard time dating but I don't feel sympathy for people who blame their difficulties on an entire gender.
re: the underlined. I didn't see that; if my post was out of context, then disregard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
I have never seen a thread from a woman trying to get people to sympathize with her for never getting approached. I would tell a woman complaining of this the same thing that I would tell a man - but I have never seen such a thread. I know plenty of women that never get approached - and to be honest, I don't think that approaching men would make much of a difference.
You may not agree with me, but I believe you are very, VERY wrong about this. And there are several posts in this thread alone lamenting the difficulties of "not getting approached' and that's exactly what looking for sympathy is. It's all over here. Attaching a condescending phrase to it makes people flip out about it, but that's exactly what it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
They don't seem to be very bitter about it - at least not that they have shared with me. I think they have low self esteem in general - so they don't really blame anyone but themselves. And, unlike you, I greatly sympathize with women who never get approached. So much of a woman's value is based on her appearance. Things are changing and people are making more of an effort to not buy into this - but there is still a lot of truth in this. So, if you are a woman and you go out, and your friends are constantly getting hit on and approached and you are constantly completely ignored - it can really affect your self esteem. If you are basically told that you have to be attractive in order to be valued - and you simply aren't attractive - it's a hard pill to swallow. I also feel for men that are constantly rejected by women that they have feelings for. But when those men in turn blame ALL women - it's hard to feel as sorry for them.
There's a difference between "blaming all women" and "confused why women don't understand the differences". Do you sympathize with men that don't get approached on the same level? You may say that you do, but I'd submit otherwise. Just as there is an implied value in women's attraction, there is an implied expectation that men do the "heavy lifting" when it comes to initiating. They're told to suck it up, and I'd expect the same from women that lament not getting approached. Deal with it. Adapt. For a guy, this might mean developing some interpersonal skills. For a girl, it might mean (gasp) approaching a guy. We play the cards we're dealt, and while they're sometimes ****ty, there's always something that can be done about it.
Does it suck being the only one in a group not getting asked out? Sure. It also sucks being born with genetics that make you 6 inches shorter, not having the mental skills to land that job you wanted, or whatever. It's hard to sympathize too strongly about that because literally EVERYBODY has problems, a disadvantage in one way or another. I lose even more sympathy when the person would rather complain about it than find some way to deal with it.
You may not agree with me, but I believe you are very, VERY wrong about this. And there are several posts in this thread alone lamenting the difficulties of "not getting approached' and that's exactly what looking for sympathy is. It's all over here. Attaching a condescending phrase to it makes people flip out about it, but that's exactly what it is.
The posts I see about women not getting approached are typically not from the women not getting approached but from other women pointing this out.
Quote:
There's a difference between "blaming all women" and "confused why women don't understand the differences". Do you sympathize with men that don't get approached on the same level? You may say that you do, but I'd submit otherwise. Just as there is an implied value in women's attraction, there is an implied expectation that men do the "heavy lifting" when it comes to initiating. They're told to suck it up, and I'd expect the same from women that lament not getting approached. Deal with it. Adapt. For a guy, this might mean developing some interpersonal skills. For a girl, it might mean (gasp) approaching a guy. We play the cards we're dealt, and while they're sometimes ****ty, there's always something that can be done about it.
Does it suck being the only one in a group not getting asked out? Sure. It also sucks being born with genetics that make you 6 inches shorter, not having the mental skills to land that job you wanted, or whatever. It's hard to sympathize too strongly about that because literally EVERYBODY has problems, a disadvantage in one way or another. I lose even more sympathy when the person would rather complain about it than find some way to deal with it.
I'm confused. It sounds like you don't sympathize with anyone about anything.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
I don't know why so many of my fellow males who have difficulty making romantic connections want to blame everything on someone else or feel bitter toward women. It is depressing to live a life without romantic connection but that doesn't mean it is the fault of women. It is no one's fault. Either people are interested in me or they're not; it is not as if they are choosing not to be interested in me. If they're not, I may feel sad and lonely, but I won't feel angry at that girl for not being interested in me.
I don't know why so many of my fellow males who have difficulty making romantic connections want to blame everything on someone else or feel bitter toward women. It is depressing to live a life without romantic connection but that doesn't mean it is the fault of women. It is no one's fault. Either people are interested in me or they're not; it is not as if they are choosing not to be interested in me. If they're not, I may feel sad and lonely, but I won't feel angry at that girl for not being interested in me.
Yup, that's life. No point in being angry or blaming others.
This is true if you are dating women in your agegroup. Women in their 40's tend to have a lot of baggage, tend to not look as good, tend to not be as fit, probably have kids and don't have as much to offer physically as they did in their 20's or 30's.
Guys will put up with some crap to get some good snizzle from a hot chick, not so much with some old dried up nag...
Where do I start? Oh, what the hell; I'll just dive right in.
If you think a woman over 40 is "dried up," I don't understand why you want to be in a relationship with a woman, anyway. Perhaps you think "your woman" won't get any older than 25, or that she'll age backward. I do hope that you at least refrain from telling your mother that she's a "dried up old nag/hag."
I'm not picking on you, btw. Your views are all too common on CD, as disrespectful and juvenile as they are. And you (or men like you) wonder why you have difficulties in the dating world. Why on earth would ANY woman want to be with ANY man who thinks this way?
It sounds like YOU have a boatload of baggage, and I presume you're younger than I (incidentally, how old ARE you, and what do you look like?).
This "older women" are unattractive (but men get better with age) crap gets so tiresome, and it seems to be repeated by men who are the least qualified to judge anyone else's appearance. I guess it's understandable why they're so angry...
I like what Mikala said earlier in this thread, as we all speak from our own experiences. I, too, am well into my 40s, and I have never - not for a minute - felt that nature has been "cruel" to me, or that I'm faded, dried up, sexually irrelevant, invisible, or however else you men like to phrase it. I have never felt that I lack male attention of any kind, in any way. And that's because I don't. Therefore, I'm assuming men don't think I'm unattractive or "dried up," either.
So, am I a freak of nature? Am I an outlier of over-40 women? No, I know that I'm not. I know lots of women significantly older than I who are still very attractive, sexual, active, fit, full of life, and happy. Only time will tell how many of you guys will be the same when you're in your 40s, 50s and 60s and have had all the same kind of major responsibilities, losses, disappointments, and hurts that most women (and men) over the age of 40 have had.
I know that I'm telling you guys the exact opposite of what you so DESPERATELY want to hear. I do apologize. You seem to want to believe that you can exact revenge (or nature will do the job for you, I suppose) against all those meanie girls/women who rejected you when you were younger. Because, like, no one else has ever been rejected or hurt or disappointed in love (and life), of course. Only you.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 02-21-2015 at 11:05 AM..
I don't know why so many of my fellow males who have difficulty making romantic connections want to blame everything on someone else or feel bitter toward women. It is depressing to live a life without romantic connection but that doesn't mean it is the fault of women. It is no one's fault. Either people are interested in me or they're not; it is not as if they are choosing not to be interested in me. If they're not, I may feel sad and lonely, but I won't feel angry at that girl for not being interested in me.
Personally, I'm not angry about it. Women like who they like (and it's not me). I don't turn bitter from this. I just shrug my shoulders and have an it is what it is attitude. Overall, I agree with you.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,070,027 times
Reputation: 2158
Quote:
Originally Posted by newdixiegirl
I like what Mikala said earlier in this thread, as we all speak from our own experiences. I, too, am well into my 40s, and I have never - not for a minute - felt that nature has been "cruel" to me, or that I'm faded, dried up, sexually irrelevant, invisible, or however else you men like to phrase it. I have never felt that I lack male attention of any kind, in any way. And that's because I don't. Therefore, I'm assuming men don't think I'm unattractive or "dried up," either.
Yes I am attracted to you also. You have nice legs. Wish I could see your face better in that pic though.
Quote:
So, am I a freak of nature? Am I an outlier of over-40 women? No, I know that I'm not. I know lots of women significantly older than I who are still very attractive, sexual, active, fit, full of life, and happy.
I totally agree. Although you have to admit that a younger woman is by definition going to be more youthful. Women over 40 can be hot, and in many cases they are, but hotness is more common among younger people.
I mean if you had your choice between someone my age -- 37 -- and a young guy of 18, surely you would take the 18 year old?
Where do I start? Oh, what the hell; I'll just dive right in.
If you think a woman over 40 is "dried up," I don't understand why you want to be in a relationship with a woman, anyway. Perhaps you think "your woman" won't get any older than 25, or that she'll age backward. I do hope that you at least refrain from telling your mother that she's a "dried up old nag/hag."
I'm not picking on you, btw. Your views are all too common on CD, as disrespectful and juvenile as they are. And you (or men like you) wonder why you have difficulties in the dating world. Why on earth would ANY woman want to be with ANY man who thinks this way?
It sounds like YOU have a boatload of baggage, and I presume you're younger than I (incidentally, how old ARE you, and what do you look like?).
This "older women" are unattractive (but men get better with age) crap gets so tiresome, and it seems to be repeated by men who are the least qualified to judge anyone else's appearance. I guess it's understandable why they're so angry...
I like what Mikala said earlier in this thread, as we all speak from our own experiences. I, too, am well into my 40s, and I have never - not for a minute - felt that nature has been "cruel" to me, or that I'm faded, dried up, sexually irrelevant, invisible, or however else you men like to phrase it. I have never felt that I lack male attention of any kind, in any way. And that's because I don't. Therefore, I'm assuming men don't think I'm unattractive or "dried up," either.
So, am I a freak of nature? Am I an outlier of over-40 women? No, I know that I'm not. I know lots of women significantly older than I who are still very attractive, sexual, active, fit, full of life, and happy. Only time will tell how many of you guys will be the same when you're in your 40s, 50s and 60s and have had all the same kind of major responsibilities, losses, disappointments, and hurts that most women (and men) over the age of 40 have had.
I know that I'm telling you guys the exact opposite of what you so DESPERATELY want to hear. I do apologize. You seem to want to believe that you can exact revenge (or nature will do the job for you, I suppose) against all those meanie girls/women who rejected you when you were younger. Because, like, no one else has ever been rejected or hurt or disappointed in love (and life), of course. Only you.
Nice butt and nice legs. I just had to say it, sorry.
The posts I see about women not getting approached are typically not from the women not getting approached but from other women pointing this out.
Fair enough. There sure are plenty of those, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
I'm confused. It sounds like you don't sympathize with anyone about anything.
Those problems aren't unique; everybody has them. I empathize with them plenty, but sympathize? I'm more inclined to sympathize with a problem that the rest of the world isn't also dealing with.
I know that I'm telling you guys the exact opposite of what you so DESPERATELY want to hear. I do apologize. You seem to want to believe that you can exact revenge (or nature will do the job for you, I suppose) against all those meanie girls/women who rejected you when you were younger. Because, like, no one else has ever been rejected or hurt or disappointed in love (and life), of course. Only you.
I wasn't originally going to respond to this post, mostly because while I saw where the poster you quoted was going, I think he phrased it too aggressively and felt like I didn't have anything useful to say. That said, this paragraph really stuck out at me, because there's a lot of truth behind it. We see a lot of the equivalent as well, the one probably most often is "those older men holding out for younger women are going to die alone...hahahaha". It's obvious when both parties do it that they're really just hurting on the inside, even if there could possibly be an element of truth to their statements.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Why on earth would ANY woman want to be with ANY man who thinks this way? 
Wish I could see your face better in that pic though. 