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For some reason a lot of people beleive men don't have feelings or emotions and are robotic and never effected by anything and should be able to deal with whatever comes their way and never complain..
Look at this site for instance..the subjects that you can't bring up here are things men are effected by.. Why is that topic not allowed but other things complained about ad nauseum allowed to be?
Any struggling dating topic for men here is always complained about by women asking it to be taken down because they think it somehow takes away from their complaints..
I agree with you that there are unrealistic expectations of men when it comes to emotions. I think this kind of thing is reinforced by adults when boys are little. While girls might be indulged when they cry, boys are told to "Grow up." Granted not in all cases or with all parents, but people do treat little girls and little boys differently (sometimes for better, sometimes for worse... like when it comes to crying). And as they get older, other boys feed into the "don't be a sissy" (implying that being emotional is girl-like). Later the term is, "man-up."
I think all this is born out of gender stereotypes. It's the male stereotype. And like all harmful stereotypes, it needs to be stamped out.
I don't agree with the second part of what you said. From what I've seen, most of the threads that get closed end up violating terms of use. It's not that they are about struggling men so much as people venting frustration by stereotyping whole groups threads. It's one thing for a man to make a thread about his struggle with dating and asking for advice, it's another to blame all your dating woes on women or another group and the thread turns hateful towards others. I just don't see many women starting those kinds of threads.
And not all threads that stereotype get shut down. This one hasn't and it falls into that--the stereotype that all women have things so much easier just because some do. People are people and we all face our own individual advantages and challenges.
I disagree. Wholly different viewpoints and life experiences.
So - what makes yours right and mine wrong? I'm not talking about me personally - I'm talking about what I see in everyone around me. I know a few men and women that really struggle with dating and relationships - but most of the people around me date, have relationships, get married, etc.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,943,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
So - what makes yours right and mine wrong? I'm not talking about me personally - I'm talking about what I see in everyone around me. I know a few men and women that really struggle with dating and relationships - but most of the people around me date, have relationships, get married, etc.
Yeah, the only people I know that don't date are the ones that don't look to date.
I'm not even having these issues, but I'm human enough to empathize with them, I know they're real. I see it all the time.
What's sad about this society today is that if men have a social issue they need help with, both women and men (looking for the approval of women) join in to pile on them, degrade them, ridicule them, and shame them. Nothing good can come from that behavior. This is one way we create monsters.
If women have a social issue however, even the exact same one, both women and men rush to their aide with loads of empathy and understanding to help women through it, and even throw some man-bashing into the mix (which has become a sort of national pastime these days).
America is socially sick, and largely oblivious to it...
The membership here has been very sympathetic to men with "social issues" in the past, but gets burned out when many of those men resist all helpful suggestions, yet continue to complain about their plight and ask for help. That's when the crowd tends to pile on them. Because they're wasting people's time, posting the same thing over and over, while rejecting any and all helpful suggestions.
I've gotten to know everybody at my job pretty well and I observe everyone pretty closely. It's unbelievable how easy dating is for the women at my job, not one of them particularly decent looking
There is one girl, a blonde who is probably 40 lbs overweight with just horrible looking acne. She is a nice person so I can't say anything bad about her character but her intelligence is highly questionable, makes no money because she has no idea what she's doing. She has a tall good looking white boy friend - she was being pursued hard by another decent looking tall white guy with a pretty good job. Another one of my co workers is a very average looking single mom, chain smoker, very annoying voice, very average figure. She's playing 4-5 dudes at a time, getting dates constantly and being asked out constantly. I think she's sleeping with 3 different guys right now. It just blows my mind
The male equivalent of this just doesn't exist. There are no big guys with horrible acne dating good looking tall white women. Has it always been like this? It seems like dating is getting more and more lopsided - male 9s have to settle for female 6s, female 3's think they should be getting male 8s. Why is this?
I can kill myself to have a nice looking physique, a perfect complexion, a legit college degree, a 180K a year job, the latest in fashionable outfits, etc... etc... etc... and not have 1/10th the dating options as a girl who is like a 3/10 with zero accomplishments whatsoever.
OP is getting a beating on this thread, but he's not crazy...not by a long shot. You see, Brantley, when you make the slightest observation of a shortcoming with women or the dating scene, a lot of feeling gets hurt, jimmies get rustled, and the thread soon devolves into mud-slinging and calls for your suicide. This is the wrong forum to start a male-centric discussion on women because the forum contains women. You need to look into more "male-safe" spaces, online versions of locker rooms if you really want unadultered truth.
Your feelings are normal in today's society. Millions of average and above-average men are having increasing difficulty dating moderately attractive women. You're not a narcissist or a sociopath for pointing out your financial success. If you really make $180k, you are quite correct in the assumption that extremely few females match your financial success.
The hard truth is that life is easier for females. Life isn't fair. Men have innate instincts to protect women, which is why you'll see men rushing to comfort crying women, help them with heavy objects, give up their seat, etc. This protective instinct can be seen in a forum like this, where a woman can post a stressful issue such as yours and hear positive words of encouragement instead of every name in the book. Although your situation is sad, women typically don't empathize with weak men. If you are a sexually unattractive man looking for a healthy sex life, you are lower than scum.
The first thing you need to do is quit asking for women's advice on dating. They haven't the faintest idea of our struggle just to get noticed. Ever hear of "just be yourself!" or "Everything happens for a reason!" Yeah, it's bull. You're a man and you have to continually improve yourself in order to compete for attention with the opposite sex. Sometimes you'll get rejected by a beautiful woman or dumped by the love of your life and it crushes you and it doesn't "happen for a reason," you'll end up alone for the rest of your life if you continue living by stupid mottos.
The second thing you need to do is build a pipeline. You're in sales, correct? You know how to build a pipeline with different sources and prospects. If your current pipeline looks like: Walk-ins, internet ads, cold calls, referrals, you need to make a similar pipeline for women. Here are some examples:
1. 1-2 nights of bar/club game
2. 2-3 hours of day game.
3. Dating apps: Tinder, hinge, bumble
4. I avoid dating sites for the reasons you said, but you can throw it in here. The ratios and quality are universally terrible.
5. Friends-of-friends, social networking
6. Activities, biking, volunteering, dancing, anywhere you think there is young hot women.
The third thing is to consistently approach and seize opportunity.
The fourth thing is to continually read and study methods of attraction. There are hundreds of forums dedicated just to getting laid. Is it stupid that you have to build a pipeline, and study "game" in order to have a healthy sex life? Of course, and it wasn't this way for our fathers, but as community and social ties break down with the rise of technology, we are at an increased level of disadvantage in the young adult dating market.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,943,649 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuffolkIntellect
The fourth thing is to continually read and study methods of attraction. There are hundreds of forums dedicated just to getting laid. Is it stupid that you have to build a pipeline, and study "game" in order to have a healthy sex life? Of course, and it wasn't this way for our fathers, but as community and social ties break down with the rise of technology, we are at an increased level of disadvantage in the young adult dating market.
Yet there are uncountable below average looking, below average earning, regular ole dudes like me that don't have to build networks, or read advice on dating, or anything like that to be able to get laid.
Like almost everyone, we go out, we talk to people, we make connections, and it just happens. It happened that way in my 20s, 30s, and 40s.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuffolkIntellect
The fact that you think most men date consistently shows how out-of-touch most women are with male dating. I'd say maybe 25% consistently date.
I'm a guy. My field and company (as were past companies) were saturated with 20 something and 30 something dudes (especially the start up incubator jobs I had) almost zero of the guys were not dating. Even the ones working 80 hrs a week were dating. The interns were all dating.
Yet there are uncountable below average looking, below average earning, regular ole dudes like me that don't have to build networks, or read advice on dating, or anything like that to be able to get laid.
Like almost everyone, we go out, we talk to people, we make connections, and it just happens. It happened that way in my 20s, 30s, and 40s.
I'm a guy. My field and company (as were past companies) were saturated with 20 something and 30 something dudes (especially the start up incubator jobs I had) almost zero of the guys were not dating. Even the ones working 80 hrs a week were dating. The interns were all dating.
1. You are taking a sampling from an educated and employed populace
2. Just because guys said they were dating, doesn't mean they were successful. It typically takes me 10 dates with different women in order to get laid. In the past, I would go on 50 and not get anything.
3. No sane man admits to an entire office of guys that he's not getting laid.
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