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Oh so in your mind I should've never brought up future and everything would've been great and one day magically he would've proposed.
Gosh...I am just not understanding this!
Even you yourself can see that this dangling carrot is B.S...yet you still ask how to get this guy back.
It's as obvious to you as it is to any of us. He NEVER intends to marry you. He doesn't have enough respect for you to ask him to marry you. He wants you around for "whatever", for now. He dangles the "I'll propose when I'm ready but only IF you never ask me about it thing" BECAUSE that's something that can go on indefinitely, surely you can see that. Then when you finally blow up...as I guess you did recently?...he can claim that, you know, he was going to eventually ask you but now that you disobeyed his rules, he's not...Then the breakup can be blamed on you.
So he's had his cake, eaten it, watched you twist in the wind, then when he "had to" break up with you because you broke his impossible "rule," he could even feel good about himself because heck, you're the one who caused the breakup, right?
And he doesn't care when that day will come, the "last breakup," because he doesn't care about you.
So the answer is YOU CAN NOT "GET HIM BACK," except temporarily, under his "rules," which make you uncomfortable and, per the quote above as well as many other things you've said on this thread, very very (legitimately) angry.
You want to live angry, hurt, used up, scared and finally dumped? Then come crawling back whispering that you'll never, ever, ever bring up marriage again.
That will buy you a year, or a few months, or however long before this guy is so disgusted even he doesn't want you around any more for "whatever" on a temporary basis, and he'll push your buttons until you break his rules so he can dump you.
Do you think that would somehow work? I feel like he'll just tell me all he wants is for me to leave him alone.
This is a guy whose own sister says he's forgotten the family, didn't bother to see them in 10 years, blew off one of his few friends' going away parties to work on a work presentation on a Friday night, and declares he doesn't care what anyone thinks of him bc he didn't come to America to Make friends or be liked. And tells Me he doesn't care if he dies alone. How much success do you really think I'll have
Okay, I didn't see this when I posted.
I don't really believe you at this point, so I hope you've had your fun with us, anyway.
JerZ, your explanation is exactly what I was thinking. But then I'd say no, I'm just crazy for thinking that way. I should be secure enough not to have to ask about the future or to need to hear "I love you" back. But I couldn't help but feel so damn insecure because of random things Like when he was super late to a date night , lied and said he was stuck late at work and then I discover his single female coworker texted him saying "come meet us for a drink after work- also was hoping you'd take me home afterward " and it wasn't that he delayed our date for her that bothered me, but rather that he couldn't be Honest with me even over something small. Or he never ever complimented or said anything he liked about me, and one day over dinner (that I made him at his place) I asked "So what drew you to me?" And he mutters "you were like easy to talk to."
I don't know what any of you are talking about. This guy sounds amazing.
OP, I just thought of a wonderful romantic comedy you should watch. It will help you be inspired to do anything it takes to get this back. It's called Misery, with Kathy Bates. Now there's a woman who loved her man!
But look, he always does this temporary dumping thing. After being together 1 year I asked "hey have you thought at all about us living together?", which resulted in him shouting, ripping up and throwing a card at me that had contained a spare key to his apartment as a gift (he clarified that he was not asking me to move in, but it had been a "step"), and broke up w me. He only took me back after a full day of me sobbing miserably. And then he wouldn't talk about the issue, just tried to pretend everything was normal. Why????
But look, he always does this temporary dumping thing. After being together 1 year I asked "hey have you thought at all about us living together?", which resulted in him shouting, ripping up and throwing a card at me that had contained a spare key to his apartment as a gift (he clarified that he was not asking me to move in, but it had been a "step"), and broke up w me. He only took me back after a full day of me sobbing miserably. And then he wouldn't talk about the issue, just tried to pretend everything was normal. Why????
If it's always temporary, what are you so worried about?
This guy sounds like he has a great head on his shoulders! He doesn't sound at all like he has anger management issues or that he is a loose cannon.
Did you call him yet today? Remember, you don't really love him if you don't call him more than 10 times.
Well I'd just love to know why my simple conversation about moving in together after a year resulted in him blowing up like that. This is what I mean, he dumps me every time there's commitment or emotion expressed by
Me
Well I'd just love to know why my simple conversation about moving in together after a year resulted in him blowing up like that. This is what I mean, he dumps me every time there's commitment or emotion expressed by
Me
Do you have the ability to use your brain? Because if you do then this is just...common sense!
Maybe you deserve him since you cannot figure this out on your own.
The question you should be asking yourself is "What the hell am I hanging on to?" Who gives a **** why he does what he does; move on with your life and hope to meet someone less dysfunctional and manipulative.
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" and it wasn't that he delayed our date for her that bothered me, but rather that he couldn't be Honest with me even over something small. Or he never ever complimented or said anything he liked about me, and one day over dinner (that I made him at his place) I asked "So what drew you to me?" And he mutters "you were like easy to talk to."
