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I like being single. I am going to be brutally honest and this might make some people mad but there is no way I could date a woman who has divorced for a lame reason. Maybe if you got divorced for reasons like he got into an accident or he turned extremely abusive then that's fair.
But many women I have interacted with have given me that "We just wanted different things" excuse. Maybe I am conservative, but to me marriage is a binding commitment that one must go through with deep introspection and clear thoughts, and thorough planning.
If you left a man who wasn't a bad person because you wanted to "find yourself" that means to me, that you're not very mature or able to handle huge commitments.
Just being real..
It's bizarre to me that it's ok in your view to abandon someone after they get into an accident (what happened to "in sickness and in health"???) but wrong to leave because you're unhappy in the marriage.
And why would you expect someone to stay in a marriage in which they were unhappy? Eventually their unhappiness will taint everything around them, including their spouse's welfare and that of their children. Why would you wish such a poisonous situation upon a family?
But in the vast majority of cases it's one of those things where you'll feel bad for 5 or 10 minutes and then do something else to distract yourself, and you just stop thinking about it even without realizing it. Whatever you're doing, if you keep busy, can be very helpful at putting these thoughts at least back to the "back of your head". In a sense, if you have these emotional moments for a few minutes, even multiple times a day, you can still be enjoying yourself the other 95% or 99% of the time. But the human mind has this really crazy way of making you forget all your unemotional moments while you are having an emotional moment!
It also helps to look at the relationship'ed people around you as a cautionary tale, to help yourself be grateful for not having to be a part of that horror show.
No, it's not sour grapes! My family all had boring marriages at best, and conflict-heavy marriages at worst. From high school until about 26, I wanted a ye olde relationshippe [sic] too. I took action to look for one. The "golden age" in my dating life was from 23 to 27, followed by a brief spike at age 30; I dated around quite extensively, albeit with limited success. Fast-forward to last year, when my good friends of 17 years both settled down, and became joined at the hip with their SO's 24/7/365. There's no way I could live like that, at least not without getting Baker Act'ed sooner or later.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 02-23-2017 at 10:26 AM..
It's bizarre to me that it's ok in your view to abandon someone after they get into an accident (what happened to "in sickness and in health"???) but wrong to leave because you're unhappy in the marriage.
Yup. The waxing poetic about "binding commitment" becomes eye-roll inducing when one starts speaking about it being "ok" to leave if one's spouse is in an accident.
Is that what happened to you? Are you an older gentleman? It hasn't been called alimony for YEARS. Decades even. If your papers indicated spousal support I'm sure it would be ingrained in your mind and read over and over. I hate when men just parrot what their buddy said, what happened to the guy down the street, just crap with no facts.
Child support is based on a formula including your income, it's the same for everyone! You aren't forced to pay anything that hasn't been reached by a fair and equitable formula, whether you're a man or a WOMAN.
Um, hate to burst your bubble, but it's still called "alimony" in many states (just one example):
That's not to say that many people qualify for permanent alimony, because they don't. I had one divorced coworker who ended up paying permanent alimony, but that was because his wife was in her 60s at the time they divorced and had been a SAHM for the entire marriage. She had no hope of reentering the workforce at that point.
That's not to say that many people qualify for permanent alimony, because they don't. I had one divorced coworker who ended up paying permanent alimony, but that was because his wife was in her 60s at the time they divorced and had been a SAHM for the entire marriage. She had no hope of reentering the workforce at that point.
Ummm that wasn't my point? It was guys who always talk about their buddies and co-workers and just continue to parrot made up crap. "Women are awful my buddies friends uncle got raped into paying child support."
Are you speaking from your experience with 'alimony' as well? Marriage?
Are any of you guys speaking of your experience with rape?
It's bizarre to me that it's ok in your view to abandon someone after they get into an accident (what happened to "in sickness and in health"???) but wrong to leave because you're unhappy in the marriage.
And why would you expect someone to stay in a marriage in which they were unhappy? Eventually their unhappiness will taint everything around them, including their spouse's welfare and that of their children. Why would you wish such a poisonous situation upon a family?
If he didn't cheat on you or didn't abuse you then I don't see why divorce is necessary. By accident, I mean like the damage is irreversible (like a coma for example) Other than that I stand by what I said regardless if it's unfair to you. If she left a man for something small then she will do the same to me. Sorry if that makes me a bad person.
If he didn't cheat on you or didn't abuse you then I don't see why divorce is necessary. By accident, I mean like the damage is irreversible (like a coma for example) Other than that I stand by what I said regardless if it's unfair to you. If she left a man for something small then she will do the same to me. Sorry if that makes me a bad person.
When my sister got divorced from a man who checked out of their marriage and wasn't much of a husband she told me that she tried her best every day, but that she was 45 and couldn't imagine living 30 more years with a man who took her for granted. Do you think that because he didn't hit her or cheat that she should have sucked it up and been miserable for the rest of her life?
When my sister got divorced from a man who checked out of their marriage and wasn't much of a husband she told me that she tried her best every day, but that she was 45 and couldn't imagine living 30 more years with a man who took her for granted. Do you think that because he didn't hit her that she should have sucked it up and been miserable for the rest of her life?
Not precisely on topic, but "rape" is always the wrong word to use when talking about anything other than rape. It's repugnant and it wrecks your argument.
If he didn't cheat on you or didn't abuse you then I don't see why divorce is necessary. By accident, I mean like the damage is irreversible (like a coma for example) Other than that I stand by what I said regardless if it's unfair to you. If she left a man for something small then she will do the same to me. Sorry if that makes me a bad person.
Dude, I'm happily single with no intention of getting into a relationship. But I've seen the damage done in marriages where people try to "fight" for a marriage between incompatible parties. So if you marry a woman who has not previously been married, and she finds herself to be miserable in a marriage to you because of incompatibility (not abuse or infidelity), you would want her to stick it out? And you'd be fine with her being miserable? What is the point of clinging to someone in that situation?
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