Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
For me, a major way to avoid the shallow, insecure, superficial types is to NOT do online dating. Meet people the old fashioned way, through activities you enjoy. It could be a hobby, avocation, charity work, sports, etc.
Yeah, because you can't find the shallow, insecure and superficial types the old fashioned way either
No, I'm not baiting. If something keeps going wrong, given one person in the center but completely different varied individuals all being presented as some major problem, where does it make sense to look? How about inward? Common denominator. Really simple. That is true for anyone.
Meanwhile, clearly, most people here over the age of 22-ish don't seem to be having these issues. Yet the OP keeps posting about multiple issues that are really out of place for a middle-aged man. If the OP actually wants help and isn't just humblebragging and if he is logical, as he says, then this is the right place to start.
If not, then never mind.
I didn't think you were baiting, saying "I am here for this" simply implied that the discussion was getting interesting, in the same spirit that Lovehound posted "I have the popcorn ready".
I thought it was a pretty catchy title, so my hats off to the author for that one. She also makes some pretty decent points about the dating scene, and from the looks of it, Gen Z is starting to realize how ridiculously flawed the modern dating scene is.
I haven't been in the dating scene long, just a couple months. Before that I was either married to one of my two ex wives or with one of a handful of long term girlfriends. So I'm not an expert on all that single people have to go through to find a mate. I don't have any sort of social media presence so it's hard for me to relate to the author's comments on twitter or instagram. But her overall message seems to be one of frustration with how shallow "romantic" interactions have become.
I can say that, in my brief, recent dating experience it has truly become a "hook up" culture, even with people in my age range(mid 40s,) though the women I've dated recently have all been mid to late 30s. It took very little effort to get women to visit me without ever having met me in person and even less effort to get them into my bed(not that I was even trying.) But it's just seems that sex is a foregone conclusion at this point with practically anyone you meet.
"We live in a world where people are afraid to feel anything genuine, or at the very least, are afraid to show it. When someone is angry with you, there’s no phone call asking to talk about it. Instead you get a passive aggressive response to a text message or a suspiciously relevant subtweet, quietly calling you out in 140 characters or less. If you like someone, you don’t tell them how you feel; rather you act interested enough for them to pick up on it, but not enough to freak them out. Don’t like it? Too bad. It’s all a big game and if you don’t play by the rules then you lose, and if you lose you end up alone and drowning in a pile of your own insecurity, wondering what you did wrong."
Thoughts?
Believe it or not..not everyone is like this or acts like this.I am old school.Trust me,it's hard to try to talk to someone nowadays coming from someone who prefer to communicate either e-mail or on the phone.I can't tell you how many times I would call someone to try to talk..and they never pick up although everyone knows that on a cell phone..it will tell you that you have a missed call..all you have to do is look at the damn phone.Another thing..too many cowardly people who don't want to take the time to get to know you but would rather spend that time googling your social media(if you have one) ..thinking THAT way is the way to get to know the person. I never played any games with people but unfortunately, it was played on me...I think it's so sad how a lot of people have decided to just drink the cool-aid and that's it.
I say don't give up because there are people out there who understands the proper respectful way when it comes to dating and those are the ones worth trying to find.Just remember to stay true to yourself and not do anything you don't feel comfortable with.
JerZ asked a poignant question. That's legitimate.
And I agree that this is a teener topic. 'Humblebragging,' heh!
The article the OP is based upon is a bait.
Where are you getting that I implied JerZ was baiting, when I quoted YOUR post about having popcorn ready? Generally the spirit of that type of remark is to say that things are heating up, or perhaps getting interesting.
Believe it or not..not everyone is like this or acts like this.I am old school.Trust me,it's hard to try to talk to someone nowadays coming from someone who prefer to communicate either e-mail or on the phone.I can't tell you how many times I would call someone to try to talk..and they never pick up although everyone knows that on a cell phone..it will tell you that you have a missed call..all you have to do is look at the damn phone.Another thing..too many cowardly people who don't want to take the time to get to know you but would rather spend that time googling your social media(if you have one) ..thinking THAT way is the way to get to know the person. I never played any games with people but unfortunately, it was played on me...I think it's so sad how a lot of people have decided to just drink the cool-aid and that's it.
I say don't give up because there are people out there who understands the proper respectful way when it comes to dating and those are the ones worth trying to find.Just remember to stay true to yourself and not do anything you don't feel comfortable with.
Funny you mention this.
There's a popular book out called Bowling Alone: The Collapse of American Community that addresses this very thing. That people prefer the use of "distancing technologies" to keep in touch.
It's amazing that we have all this technologies, ie smart phones, but choose to ignore texts and voicemails...or at the very lest respond to your text WAY after its time when they were SUPPOSED to reply. There's also something called "Selective texting" where people respond to your text, but don't address the question you asked.
I remember asking someone if they'd like to get together on a Saturday, only for them wait until Monday to respond by saying, "Hey, I'm just now getting to this text, sorry, things have been hectic...", but it's too late.
The thing is, people actually rationalize this to the point where its become socially acceptable. Some have admitted to "Being bad about returning calls/texts"
Peoples' attention spans suck. Organizers get irritated with members for asking stupid questions about an event when they should have read the description of said event.
I'm in my mid 20s and to some extent do encounter what the OP's author writes about. But, I'm saying no thanks to all that because ambiguity isn't what I'm looking for. If I want a date, I know I need to ask for a date. Why would I want to "hang out" with someone I want to date? "Hanging out" just sounds like friends and may or may not include benefits. But a serious relationship? Definitely not clear it's headed there with language like that.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
Funny you mention this.
There's a popular book out called Bowling Alone: The Collapse of American Community that addresses this very thing. That people prefer the use of "distancing technologies" to keep in touch.
It's amazing that we have all this technologies, ie smart phones, but choose to ignore texts and voicemails...or at the very lest respond to your text WAY after its time when they were SUPPOSED to reply. There's also something called "Selective texting" where people respond to your text, but don't address the question you asked.
I remember asking someone if they'd like to get together on a Saturday, only for them wait until Monday to respond by saying, "Hey, I'm just now getting to this text, sorry, things have been hectic...", but it's too late.
The thing is, people actually rationalize this to the point where its become socially acceptable. Some have admitted to "Being bad about returning calls/texts"
Peoples' attention spans suck. Organizers get irritated with members for asking stupid questions about an event when they should have read the description of said event.
This is no different than what went on before smartphones. No difference at all.
There's a popular book out called Bowling Alone: The Collapse of American Community that addresses this very thing. That people prefer the use of "distancing technologies" to keep in touch.
It's amazing that we have all this technologies, ie smart phones, but choose to ignore texts and voicemails...or at the very lest respond to your text WAY after its time when they were SUPPOSED to reply. There's also something called "Selective texting" where people respond to your text, but don't address the question you asked.
I remember asking someone if they'd like to get together on a Saturday, only for them wait until Monday to respond by saying, "Hey, I'm just now getting to this text, sorry, things have been hectic...", but it's too late.
The thing is, people actually rationalize this to the point where its become socially acceptable. Some have admitted to "Being bad about returning calls/texts"
Peoples' attention spans suck. Organizers get irritated with members for asking stupid questions about an event when they should have read the description of said event.
The bolded has been going on since email was invented. You might send an out of state friend a newsy email, with a couple of questions following up on some issues they're dealing with, and they ignore the questions, and only give you generalities in response. This used to be considered rude. That would never happen in a phone conversation, like the kind codergirl mentioned, where you call someone you haven't seen in a long time, for a good visit by phone. But a lot of people avoid that now, even though emailing (typing out a conversation) actually takes more time.
"Distancing technologies" is a great way of putting it. This is all leading toward minimizing human contact. No wonder we get threads that say, "What does this gesture, or facial expression, mean?" People are losing the ability to interpret non-verbal communication in face-to-face interactions, as that type of social interaction becomes more rare.
This is no different than what went on before smartphones. No difference at all.
Yes, young people seem completely unaware of a time when keeping up with friends you don't see every day was a lot more difficult and efforts were easily abandoned. It required a phone call that often did not get returned. Before answering machines, they would never even know you called, so unless you had explicit information to convey, you would just call another time when the mood struck, days or even weeks later.
If your friend was out of town, you would rack up long distance fees by the minute, so you'd keep the conversation short and confined to important matters. To just shoot the breeze, you'd have to write a letter and wait for a reply. Which came weeks later, or not at all.
Today people expect instant responses to every inconsequential little thought that pours out of their stream of consciousness and into their texting thumbs.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
The bolded has been going on since email was invented. You might send an out of state friend a newsy email, with a couple of questions following up on some issues they're dealing with, and they ignore the questions, and only give you generalities in response. This used to be considered rude.
.
Long before that. It's been going on hundreds of years with letter writing, at a minimum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
Yes, young people seem completely unaware of a time when keeping up with friends you don't see every day was a lot more difficult and efforts were easily abandoned. It required a phone call that often did not get returned. Before answering machines, they would never even know you called, so unless you had explicit information to convey, you would just call another time when the mood struck, days or even weeks later.
If your friend was out of town, you would rack up long distance fees by the minute, so you'd keep the conversation short and confined to important matters. To just shoot the breeze, you'd have to write a letter and wait for a reply. Which came weeks later, or not at all.
Today people expect instant responses to every inconsequential little thought that pours out of their stream of consciousness and into their texting thumbs.
Yup, even with answering machines, how many trillions of messages got deleted "by mistake" or erased by roommates, or otherwise were never heard. And you had no idea as the sender. How many times did a person speak to a parent or roommate and the message never got to the intended recipient... or did it? The number of times in my 20s my anticipation would be sky high walking in the door hoping for a blinking red light...
We never knew and never would know.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
