The long term effects of spanking and slapping (meal, toddler, play)
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I keep seeing variations of this argument and I'd like some examples please.
People keep saying "You wouldn't hit another adult in real life would you?" and my thought is no, but other than going to jail, when was the last time someone put another adult in a timeout type of situation or took privileges away from them because of their inappropriate behavior? Not to mention trying to correct or teach another adult how to behave is futile, and not our place anyway. So forgive me if I don't see the point of that particular argument.
What do you mean, "other than going to jail"? This IS what makes timeout more relevant, along with banning people from certain locations if they act inappropriately there and probations having to do with how far from a town you can travel. And this is besides a more common practice regarding older children and adolescents called grounding. Further, privileges and belongings are FREQUENTLY taken away from adults for poor behavior too, so I don't get THAT argument. These are just more sensible transitions into the real world than spanking.
Also, not to get off-topic, but I disagree that it isn't our place to correct and teach other adults. This sounds like a proposition to let ignorance thrive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightcrawler
Vic doesn't seem to understand, it is easier to just smack the kid on the arm to get the point across fast. Not a full fledged spanking, just enough to make your point. Nothing abusive, not pulling pants down and whipping with a belt,
just a plain old grab the arm type of thing.
not to sit down and try to reason with a 5 year old.
Thank you, for being honest.
It's "Why spank?" instead of "Why not spank?" because concerning observational learning, kids can learn through being spanked to hit others to solve their problems/relieve frustration. Other methods of discipline do not pose this risk. Other methods suggest to the child that thinking/meditating and reasoning are the normal ways to resolve any issue you may have.
"Normal" is a very important word to focus on here. Young children learn what is normal from their parents. How you act is how they believe they should be acting. It's really quite simple. Sometimes, they're going to do what you do, and not just what you say.
It will not neccesarily create aggression or would be violent adults - hitting kids might just break their spirit and you end up with passive broken people...I never struck my children - my mother and father may have toyed with us with the jingling of a belt buckel - but I do not remember being struck...
What my mother taught me about controling a way ward and defiant infant or young child - was to simply take them by the arm and show them you are stronger- and YOU are in control...you don't need to make a statement with physical impact...My father refused to strike us - he would say to my mother "You do it if you must - I won't because they will hate me" _ my adult kids may not be perfect but they love me - and once you have lost their love -you have lost them FOREVER.. don't hit them - it's just stupid..
Also adults that feel powerless in the system they exist in - will come home and exert power over their mate and children..this is cowardly - if you want to be agressive - do it with your boss..not with the ones that you love - that's cowardly.
What my mother taught me about controling a way ward and defiant infant or young child - was to simply take them by the arm and show them you are stronger- and YOU are in control...you don't need to make a statement with physical impact...
Exactly! And grabbing their arm (firmly but not enough to hurt them) is an excellent alternative to hitting to re-establish who's in charge. It's best used when a child has done something with their hands that they're not allowed to do (stealing, hitting, grabbing something after you told them not to).
But to hear some parents talk, hitting is the only way to let them know you're the boss. Getting their attention apparently isn't enough, the child must feel pain and/or fear. Why? Isn't establishing your authority and getting their attention the main objectives in teaching? Or could it be that the idea of spanking isn't to teach, just to punish?
But to hear some parents talk, hitting is the only way to let them know you're the boss.
We need to be the boss? Why? I carry a great deal of authority. I have a great deal more experience. But my kids aren't stupid. They need to learn my authority by the value of my experience. Not by the feel of the back of my hand.
Exactly! And grabbing their arm (firmly but not enough to hurt them) is an excellent alternative to hitting to re-establish who's in charge. It's best used when a child has done something with their hands that they're not allowed to do (stealing, hitting, grabbing something after you told them not to).
But to hear some parents talk, hitting is the only way to let them know you're the boss. Getting their attention apparently isn't enough, the child must feel pain and/or fear. Why? Isn't establishing your authority and getting their attention the main objectives in teaching? Or could it be that the idea of spanking isn't to teach, just to punish?
Sometimes genetics plays strange trick on parents - we assume that our kids have the same level of intelligence as we do...sometimes a child has a much higher IQ - and knows the parent is slightly stupid - so the child intellectually decerns that the parent is not to be fully respected - Usually parents who I see hitting their kids are frustrated in the resentful and deniable fact that the kid would be better suited to be THEIR parent..and not the other way around.
We need to be the boss? Why? I carry a great deal of authority. I have a great deal more experience. But my kids aren't stupid. They need to learn my authority by the value of my experience. Not by the feel of the back of my hand.
Dude! Baby steps! You can't just say stuff like that in front of these people... Ugh, that's okay. I'll do damage control.
Everyone, somebodynew didn't mean it. It was just a joke. We all know the parent has to be the boss
I used the word "boss" instead of "authority figure" so people would understand...
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I read something like tom, dick and ****head earlier in the thread 
