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Great post! The wife won't assert herself because the pregnant 16 year old is running the show. Why do you think there are 14-16 year old girls taking part in this decision? They shouldn't even be in the house when this discussion is taking place! Sure they want her to keep the baby so they can dress it up and play with it like a doll ... for now ... until they deem the baby boring and troublesome to deal with.
If this kid actually decides to get an abortion or gives the child up for adoption, mom and step-dad better "man and woman up" and take her to the doctor for depo shots every three months without FAIL! They also should do this if she keeps the baby, because young women are very fertile and can get pregnant again really fast.
Actually, in his post, the OP explained that the girls were trying to convince her to get an abortion.
So I see you have been guilted into taking the responsibility off the real parents' shoulders. Congrats. As for "setting rules," if she didn't listen to the major rule about not getting pregnant and expecting you and her mom to support her, she will not listen to any other rules you set. She will just "yes" you to death now, and after the baby comes she will do whatever she wants because she knows she's got you and her mother now and "you couldn't possibly throw your grandchild out."
To all the people telling the OP to "man up" ... why don't you tell that to the father of the baby? To all the people telling the OP that now he and his wife must take full responsibility ... why don't you post anything about the father's parents needing to take some of the responsibility?
This is why we have so many unwed mothers leeching off society and the proportion of children being raised in broken homes without both parents is shamefully high in this country ... because people make it too easy. There is plenty of birth control in this country and the daughter could probably have gotten it for free.
I feel sad for you that even though you would like a child with your current wife, you both did the responsible thing and didn't have one because you didn't think you were financially ready and now you are saddled with a thoughtless, senseless teenage mother's kid to raise. How sad.
OP is not responsible for supporting the girl or her child. However, his wife is legally responsible for supporting the girl until she is 18 (or a few years older in a few states). Whether she has a child or not is irrelevant.
In most cases, OP's wife wouldn't be responsible for supporting her grandchild; the mother and father of the child would be. However, in some states, if she goes on welfare while still a minor OP's wife's support would be required.
If she is being abused by him and his family now, imagine what she will go through if she stays with him. She needs to be out of their lives and away from them. I think her best option would be an abortion and just tell the family she lost the baby due to all the stress they put her through. That should shut them up.
And OP... I find it interesting how you want to beat this little punk up for saying he would leave her if she did get an abortion, yet you told your wife you were going to leave her since her daughter got pregnant...hmmmm. I am happy you have decided to stick by your wife, but if you truly love her, you would NEVER have thought about leaving her when times got tough.
Please, please: read this whole thread! In particular, the OP's Post #98. The OP has changed his mind, seen the light and doesn't need to be berated any more. The anger is gone, compassion and love have taken its place.
Everyone: before posting opinions and/or advice or judgmental statements on sensitive threads, it's important to read such threads in their entirety, as things - and people - do change. This is the FOURTH response I have made in this thread alone to this problem.
I addressed other issues in paragraph 1... did you read those before responding? Why post the same thing 4 times? The OP asked & everyone else's opinion is as important as yours. Relax. Abortion, adoption, divorce, teenaged pregnancy & all the rest are hot issues. Most have held onto their senses here... it's all good.
OP is not responsible for supporting the girl or her child. However, his wife is legally responsible for supporting the girl until she is 18 (or a few years older in a few states). Whether she has a child or not is irrelevant.
In most cases, OP's wife wouldn't be responsible for supporting her grandchild; the mother and father of the child would be. However, in some states, if she goes on welfare while still a minor OP's wife's support would be required.
"In a few states ...", "In some states," dadadadada.
Why not actually talk about the state they live in as per the OP?
It doesn't say anything about a parent of a welfare recipient being responsible for any support "up to age 18 or a few years older."
As a matter of fact, it says a minor welfare recipient should live with parents or relatives and will get TANF:
Quote:
Provides assistance to needy families so that children may be cared for in their own homes or in the homes of relatives
Minor parents are required to live with a parent, stepparent, or legal guardian. If there is good reason why the minor parent cannot live with one of these, then the minor must reside with an adult relative or in an adult-supervised living arrangement.
Again, nothing about their parents having to pay anything.
CT will also give extra assistance (State Administered General Assistance) in addition to TANF to, among other groups, people under 16 and/or in high school full time with, again, no mention of their parents being responsible for paying anything:
Quote:
Individuals may also qualify as unemployable for the following documentable non-medical reasons: under age 16; over age 65; over age 55 and no work history in the previous 5 years; full-time high school student; needed in the home to care for an incapacitated spouse or child; needed in the home to care for a child under age 2; or, pending receipt of a state or federal means-tested program, e.g., State Supplement or TFA.
For the last 2 days this boy and his mother have been harassing my daughter via text putting fear in her and telling her all sorts of things and that she's even going to hell for getting an abortion. She even told her that her son is stressed out and if something happens to him she is responsible and all kinds of crazy things. It's been really bad and they won't even let her sleep with the constant text messages. I find this highly disturbing that the boys mom would contact my daughter but hasn't even bothered to give as a call or answer our texts at all.
I don't know what today will bring but I believe my wife is going to be calling the authorities because of all the harassment and drama they are putting our daughter thru.
So? Shipping off "the problem" won't get rid of the problem.
It helps the problem. It gets the daughter away from the home causing less uproar with the entire family. It also gets the daughter away from the boyfriend and her friends who are obviously influencing her.
The daughter SHOULD be held accountable for some of this. Instead it has turned the entire family upside down.
You don't think this will effect the other kids living in the household.
Last edited by blueherons; 08-08-2014 at 01:50 PM..
I still recommend family counseling, first for the parents and then for the girl and her brothers.
No disrespect meant, OP, but it doesn't sound as if there are two united adults calling the shots in this situation, and that needs to change before the drama increases. I find the texts from the other family to the girl especially troublesome.
Again, I'm not trying to take sides or argue for what's right. But as I wrote yesterday, I think you are in over your head and badly need some reinforcements in the real world before the situation escalates further.
I told my wife the same and even asked her why not just change her cell number? My wife's reply was that this was the guy she chose to give herself to so what will changing her number do if she might later call him.
We live in CT by the way.
Time some people had their numbers blocked. I live in Ct. as well.
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