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Old 08-08-2014, 06:57 PM
 
15,757 posts, read 13,180,165 times
Reputation: 19646

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Quote:
Originally Posted by afoigrokerkok View Post
OP is not responsible for supporting the girl or her child. However, his wife is legally responsible for supporting the girl until she is 18 (or a few years older in a few states). Whether she has a child or not is irrelevant.

In most cases, OP's wife wouldn't be responsible for supporting her grandchild; the mother and father of the child would be. However, in some states, if she goes on welfare while still a minor OP's wife's support would be required.
In many, many cases step parents have been found to be acting parentis locus and thus required to support their step children, even after divorce.
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Old 08-09-2014, 07:25 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,000,336 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
In 13 states (cited previously) and any that have Elizabeth Poor laws, yes, grandparents are frequently held to be financially responsible for the children of their minor children.
Is CT one of those states? That's where the OP lives.
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Old 08-09-2014, 07:39 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,532,606 times
Reputation: 19578
I am not reading the whole thread but I just have to wonder if you would really kick out your own son if he got someone pregnant. You are absolutely making your wife pick between you and her daughter.

You are willing to put a pregnant 16 yo on the street? How are you going to pay for it? She needs to go to social services. There are many different options for her there.

You would house all of these children until the age of 24 but they get the boot if they get pregnant or impregnate someone? I just don't get it.

How do you know that this ordeal can break your marriage? How do you know that this baby wouldn't become a little light in your lives?

I just can't fathom any of this.
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Old 08-09-2014, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Europe
2,731 posts, read 1,957,728 times
Reputation: 4148
Let it be blessing to your all and take the baby as a gift. Let this bond you together tighter and not separate you apart. You said this and that, we all do. Then life shows it is more powerful than our words and wishes. Turn it into positive thing in your life.
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Old 08-09-2014, 08:05 AM
 
3,493 posts, read 4,705,458 times
Reputation: 5358
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I knew this before marrying her and I accepted the possibility of not having anymore babies ever. Having giving up our wants and needs now we get this bombshell from this stupid teen that shows no freaking remorse for her actions. I told my wife that I'm not making her choose between her daughter and me but I don't want a baby in my house and I don't know what tomorrow will bring as far as me staying in this relationship.

What can I do to overcome something that I'm so against of doing? If I break this rule for my stepdaughter that means that I would have to do the same for my stepson and son. I really just want her out of my house or I can leave them the house.
I hope you tell this story to people in person so you can get the response you deserve.

First of all, you should never have gotten married. You don't have a clue what marriage is and you are a disgrace to every man that stands by his wife through the challenges they will face in their life. You're "not making her choose", but you don't know what will happen about you staying in the relationship. Here's what will happen. Either you
1. Will grow a pair and man up. Treat your wife like she deserves to be treated.
2. Walk away as a coward and keep crying that the world is unfair.

I hope for her sake that you choose option 1.

No, you're not kicking a minor out of your house. That isn't your right. Not even if you owned the place by yourself.

You said you really wanted a kid, but you didn't think you were going to have time for it. Now when it's not your sperm, you get to be a jerk about it. You get to insult the mother. You want to throw the girl out for making a bad decision, but it was her bad decision to make. It wasn't yours. You don't want your wife to help raise her grandson or grand daughter. That's who the baby is. It is her grand child, and you are being a jerk about it. I understand not wanting a baby in the house, but your stance is internally conflicting. You wanted more kids, but didn't have the resources. Now you're upset because you're not the father. If your wife cheated on you and got pregnant, this would be an entirely different situation. That isn't the case. Your wife is being a good parent and trying her best to support a daughter that's going through a very tough time. Man up. At least provide a good example for your son.

You even said you only had one child. You have 3. You married the mother and you became one of the heads of the household. Seeing as your not committed to helping her raise her family and you're not committed to staying with her, it seems you really just married her hoping to sleep with her and maybe save on rent. How are you so much different than the trash that knocked up your wife's daughter? I was going to say "your daughter", but the way you talk about her you don't deserve to be considered her father. Let me be very clear about something. The man that raises a child is the child's father. If someone else donated the sperm to create life, that person is a sperm donor. The father is the one that sacrifices and puts the child's needs before his own. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a father. She has one good mother and has to make do with an older man living in the house.
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:01 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,532,606 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
You didn't raise this girl from early childhood. She's not your daughter. She's a fairly recently acquired stepdaughter. You are still very much of the age to be having more children. Your wife is still of an age to have more children. Yet you both decided, sensibly, that you couldn't afford the stress and expense of another child, so you have avoided getting pregnant together. Meanwhile, your wife's daughter, whom you did not raise, has gotten pregnant. And now you're going to wind up paying to raise the daughter's child with the POS teen father whose attitude is that a lifetime on welfare is just fine.

By far, the best thing would be for her to have an abortion. Even if she were to say that she intends to give the baby up for adoption, she won't, when it comes time to do it. If she doesn't have an abortion, you should consider getting a divorce. This girl and her baby will probably be a drain on you for the next five years or more. Even once she is 18, she is not going to be ready to move out, even on welfare.

This is not your child. This is not your grandchild. You are young. There are many, many women out there who would be thrilled to have a husband like you who works, saves, plans. Women who don't have children yet who would want to have a baby with you - YOUR baby with you.

Why wasn't this girl on Depo? Her mother knows all about the reality of teen sexual activity - she was a teen mom herself! She had to have had some idea that her daughter had a boyfriend! Merely talking about birth control isn't enough. Sometimes buying the birth control pills isn't enough. Unless the parent sees the girl actually swallowing the pill every day, which is really unrealistic, there's no way to be sure a girl is taking the pill. Depo is really the only effective way that a parent can be sure that a teen girl who is sexually active is not going to get pregnant.
I just have to shake my head when I read posts like this. It is not the OPs option to make a decision to abort his stepdaughters child. It is not his body. He cannot make her have an abortion.

Then if she doesn't get an abortion he should divorce his wife?

Are we serious here? Why get married? We all have bumps along the way. That is what this is.

I know we are all entitled to our opinions but WTH kind of post is this?!?!?

This now is his child, his grandchild. He married her mother and with that her children became his and vice versa. Oh just leave your wife and find another woman to start a family with.

I am a divorced woman with 2 children. They live with their dad, but are 18 and 20 and have the option of living here. I live in my fiances home. We are getting married next year. He knows that with me comes my children and he openly embraces that.

My son will be moving here at the end of the year to transfer to university. He will not be charged rent but will not be without responsibility. I will be giving him my older Jeep to use for work and school.

My fiance says that after a while he would be fine with helping him with an apartment.

Look, I am disabled. I do not have a job. That would come out of his wallet. I don't have it.

I didn't ask for him to do that, he offered it up.

Parentologist. Well that is a made up word, but seriously? I think the OP is being very awful for lack of a better word right now, and I am putting you in the same category.

If my daughter were to get pregnant, and I don't think she would, I would gladly help her. Furthermore, if she could not raise her child, I would do it gladly. Because that is what loving parents do.

Maybe the OPs wife made a mistake in marrying such a man who would toss her pregnant daughter out on the street, I don't know.

Unbelievable.
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:23 AM
 
7,237 posts, read 12,653,519 times
Reputation: 8513
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I am not reading the whole thread...
Its been 20 pages now... Perhaps you should just read instead of commenting.
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Old 08-09-2014, 11:36 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 28,532,606 times
Reputation: 19578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
Its been 20 pages now... Perhaps you should just read instead of commenting.
I have read some more, and I see that the op has softened up and is making more sense about it all. That is a very good thing, IMO.

At least I stated that I had not read the whole thread. In reading through, there are plenty of others who have replied to the original post. I am not the first.

Now maybe you can go along and tell every other person who replied that they need to read the whole thread.
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Old 08-09-2014, 12:14 PM
 
4,586 posts, read 4,412,747 times
Reputation: 4337
I would leave.

You didn't do this, and if she is not willing to get an abortion, then leave.

These teens today are sick! They are stupid and have no clue what it takes to have a baby. Some just think the state will just pay for it, and i am tired of my tax dollars be spend on welfare for people who should be working, but have babies instead!


LEAVE! BE STRONG AND LEAVE. If this is what they want to do, then you don't need this kind of aggravation.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Sad-Dad View Post
I desperately need some advice here since I really don't want to be a part of housing a pregnant minor. 4 years into this new relationship I had a family meeting and I specifically said to my step kids & son that they will have a home until the age of 24 as long as they don't come home pregnant (stepdaughter) and they don't get anyone pregnant (stepson & son from previous marriage). We'll my stepdaughter has always been the brave one and has done things that no1 has ever done before and now she's pregnant!!! For the last two days I've been really stressful and her mom (my newly wed wife) is a mess. We had a conversation yesterday in which I found out that the 16 yr old is keeping the baby (so far) and trying to stay in our house. I told my wife that I don't know if I can handle a baby in my house that isn't our baby. My wife and I talked about having a baby but with our schedule and our lack of time spent together I realized before I married her that there's a strong chance we couldn't have a baby of our own. I'm in my early 30's and I would've live to have a baby with her since all I have is just one son.... I knew this before marrying her and I accepted the possibility of not having anymore babies ever. Having giving up our wants and needs now we get this bombshell from this stupid teen that shows no freaking remorse for her actions. I told my wife that I'm not making her choose between her daughter and me but I don't want a baby in my house and I don't know what tomorrow will bring as far as me staying in this relationship.

We bought a house 3 years ago for the 5 of us and when I married her I chose to be there for her and care for her kids but never would I imagine that her baby would be having a baby at 16. I don't know what to do at all.... This young girl barely know how to clean her room so how is she supposed to care for a baby? I really don't want her in my house when the symptoms come and especially when the baby comes. Her father is a pos who lives with his momma at the age of 44+ so it's not like there's room for her in there and the baby father is 17 and he and his parents are shacking up with his sister in a 2 bedroom apt living off welfare and whatever the system has to offer. He's been texting my wife telling her that he will care for both of them but he's whole family is on welfare and basically homeless!!

Since my wife is my best friend and she's the one who has always been there for me and the light that shines my path I couldn't help but to come clean with all my feelings and I told her that this whole ordeal can break our marriage. No matter how much I try I just can't accept a baby at home that isn't our own. We get by financially but that's just it... Who do you think is going to buy formula, diapers, take time off from work to help her, get her to the doctors and etc? I don't want my wife to go thru that as she was a teen mom herself and I was planning for our future of finally doing things like vacationing, honeymoon, going out to diner, movies and etc without her kids texting her all the damn time. My wife is due for a good life stress free and I really feel that she will end up raising this baby even-though she says that won't happen.

What can I do to overcome something that I'm so against of doing? If I break this rule for my stepdaughter that means that I would have to do the same for my stepson and son. I really just want her out of my house or I can leave them the house.
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Old 08-09-2014, 12:28 PM
 
15,757 posts, read 13,180,165 times
Reputation: 19646
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhotoProIP View Post
I would leave.

You didn't do this, and if she is not willing to get an abortion, then leave.

These teens today are sick! They are stupid and have no clue what it takes to have a baby. Some just think the state will just pay for it, and i am tired of my tax dollars be spend on welfare for people who should be working, but have babies instead!


LEAVE! BE STRONG AND LEAVE. If this is what they want to do, then you don't need this kind of aggravation.
You really should learn a little bit about welfare reform.
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