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A major survey of 127,545 American adults found that married men are healthier than men who were never married or whose marriages ended in divorce or widowhood. Men who have marital partners also live longer than men without spouses; men who marry after age 25 get more protection than those who tie the knot at a younger age, and the longer a man stays married, the greater his survival advantage over his unmarried peers.
We're going to trot out this broken down old horse again?
This study and it's biases have been beaten to death.
Perhaps one of the most hilarious parts of it is that it mentions how bad outcomes for divorced men are, and 50% of those men that are married can expect to become divorced. Lol....talk about cognitive dissonance.
My wife and I have never done any "big parties," and certainly a lot of living-together couples do.
I didn't buy her a diamond ring until our 20th anniversary (which was 11 years ago)
But, yeah, announcing marriage does bring some social expectations, like fidelity and commitment.
And it does involve legally binding contractural agreements, requiring fidelity and commitment.
Not things that frighten real men who are truly in love.
If you think being married is going to stop somebody from cheating on you then I have some beach front property in Arizonia I want to sell you.
Oh, good grief! You didn't recognize obvious sarcasm?
*sighhh*
Whether or not marriage is "essential" for men, plenty of them are into it without prodding. Especially if they want kids. It's kids that marriage is most essential for.
That's the ONLY reason why I would get married is to have children.
I'd take it a step further, he probably sees that marriage CAN'T benefit him, it can only be a risk and a detriment for a man.
All of the women who are tired of seeing this situation play out should be petitioning their local, state and federal legislators to make changes to the confiscatory and putative "family" (lol) court system in this country.
Aye, but smart guys will realize that any law that can be changed to make The System less horrid for men, can be changed right back again once enough guys have put their heads in the noose.
Whatever for those studies. When you cut the B.S and get down to the nitty gritty the fact is that the OP went into this without clearly communicating her expectations and she is living to regret it. The only person she can blame for that is herself for assuming that they were on the same page before she moved-in. You can't make a man want to be married or want to be married to you. The only thing you have control over is how long you are willing to wait and if you're o.k with living with him without the ring.
There are always people that try to turn every thread into "marriage sucks for men!!!" - but this thread isn't really about whether or not marriage is good or bad. It's simply about someone who wants to get married and someone who doesn't. It's not about convincing someone that marriage is good or bad - it's simply about seeing if two people who are not on the same page at this time regarding their future can still make things work or not.
Personally, I've been with men that couldn't wait to marry me and men that dragged their feet about it. I married someone that couldn't wait to marry me and I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did I say "marry?" I did not say marry. I said that the man never expressed that he was committed to her for life.
Now you go to that couple you know and ask the woman if the man ever expressed his lifetime commitment to her for life. I'll bet he did.
A man who says it might not do it. A man who won't say it doesn't plan to do it.
The OP said marriage. Unless I missed it in the 20 pages of discussion, we don't know what the BF said, other than he's not ready for marriage.
But my point is, and has been (if you read all my posts in this thread) that SOME people are committed "now", and are not willing to promise about how they will feel in 20-30 years from now. My comments were basically that IF that is the case, then the OP needs to decide if she can live with that or not. IF she can't, THEN maybe she needs to consider leaving. But the immediate calls to leave ('give up on') this relationship, just because he won't marry her are, in my opinion, premature and misguided.
As for the couple I know, and many others, (I'm guessing) they did NOT say they are committed for life. They said they are committed for now, and for tomorrow, and for as long as they feel that way. That if they ever grow apart, they'd be thankful for the time they had together. They have not grown apart (as more than 50% of married couples have). IMO, it's a healthy way of realistically looking at things. It's not for everyone, hence my understanding that IF it's not for OP, she may THEN need to rethink the relationship.
Personally, I've been with men that couldn't wait to marry me and men that dragged their feet about it. I married someone that couldn't wait to marry me and I wouldn't want it any other way.
this is exactly the point
marriage often requires an ultimatum on the woman's part.
if a woman wants to get married, then a guy who doesn't want marriage must be treated as unsuitable.
I'd really question the validity of that study. I wonder if they factored out things like criminal history, incarceration. That is, did they take men in say similar middle class situations, and then compare married or single. I'd guess there is really very little difference.
IMHO, the Op is being very self centered. She has changed her mind and wants to get married now. He doesn't want to change his mind, so he is a bad person? Why is that? Why is it always about her happiness?
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