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And some people here think it will get much better once it's on note. hahaha
Typical CD advise offering no options but to "leave"
The man has never committed to her. He's never told her, "This is for life." He will leave.
I'm in my 60s. I know myself, I've watched and talked to other men, men I've known for years as we have aged and gone through life.
When that guy who has never even spoken of a lifetime commitment hits his male middle age crisis, when he realizes he doesn't have the conquests and trophies in his life that he thought he'd have...he will leave, because he's never made a point of commitment anyway.
The man has never committed to her. He's never told her, "This is for life." He will leave.
When he hits the male middle age crisis, when he realizes he doesn't have the conquests and trophies in his life that he thought he'd have...he will leave, because he's never made a point of commitment anyway.
I've known one couple since I was a kid in the early 70's. They never got married, never committed to more than "now". They are in their late 80's now, living in Australia, I think, and still exploring the world together.
They are together for one simple reason, and that is because they both want to be.
Sorry, but you can't speak in absolutes ( will ) about something like this. You just don't know that. You have to know the people involved, and we, as internet therapists don't.
This is experience talking...the op should listen!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ralph_Kirk
The man has never committed to her. He's never told her, "This is for life." He will leave.
I'm in my 60s. I know myself, I've watched and talked to other men, men I've known for years as we have aged and gone through life.
When that guy who has never even spoken of a lifetime commitment hits his male middle age crisis, when he realizes he doesn't have the conquests and trophies in his life that he thought he'd have...he will leave, because he's never made a point of commitment anyway.
I've known one couple since I was a kid in the early 70's. They never got married, never committed to more than "now". They are in their late 80's now, living in Australia, I think, and still exploring the world together.
They are together for one simple reason, and that is because they both want to be.
Sorry, but you can't speak in absolutes ( will ) about something like this. You just don't know that. You have to know the people involved, and we, as internet therapists don't.
Did I say "marry?" I did not say marry. I said that the man never expressed that he was committed to her for life.
Now you go to that couple you know and ask the woman if the man ever expressed his lifetime commitment to her for life. I'll bet he did.
A man who says it might not do it. A man who won't say it doesn't plan to do it.
Did I say "marry?" I did not say marry. I said that the man never expressed that he was committed to her for life.
Now you go to that couple you know and ask the woman if the man ever expressed his lifetime commitment to her for life. I'll bet he did.
A man who says it might not do it. A man who won't say it doesn't plan to do it.
My sister has been with her bf of 11years. I often asked her why she isnt married and her response "he's not ready". Well, just 3months ago from out of the blue he purposed to my sister. They just got married last month. I was one of the two witnesses needed for that execution, Lol
The OP wants to be a wife. If marriage is just a piece of paper then why can't the boyfriend simply make her happy by getting that "piece of paper". They are already living in a common law marriage. Is it too much to ask to marry her to satisfy her need to be given the respect and title of a wife?
Why can't the OP respect her partner's wish to not be married? Why is this focused on the woman? Again, they're living in an equal relationship of their own free will. She can leave anytime.
No, I'm sorry...they are not married by common law. There are a very specific set of criteria governing that institution, and they don't meet it. You don't just live together for a certain period of time and have the government declare you married, as much as I'm sure you'd like that.
Good point. That's not love. OP should ask him if he loves her. Because it doesn't seem that he does. She's been living an illusion all these years.
You have absolutely no basis to say this, but that's never stopped you before, so I'm not sure why I'm surprised.
If "love" (lol) is making another person's happiness essential to your own, why can't OP respect her partner's reticence to marry, and his happiness with not being married?
Maybe OP just doesn't luuuurve her BF enough to respect his wishes. That also fits with the wild conjecture you're spouting, I'm just playing the other side of it.
Marriage isn't essential for kids. A stable relationship of some sort certainly helps provide a better environment for kids, but kids don't really care whether their parents signed a contract registering them with the state and/or had an expensive party.
My guess is that the OP is hearing her biological clock ticking louder these days and is ready for kids. She thought she could get the guy to marry her if they just moved in together and then kind of gradually work him toward marriage. My guess is that this guy may have seen what happens when marriage comes. Wife changes, puts on weight, has kids, etc etc. He may not want children. Maybe you two should have that discussion? Or is it too scary. Are you afraid he'll say "No thanks".
Look at it from his point of view. He probably likes life the way it is. Marriage is full of potential hazards. Studies have shown that couples who live together have more sex than married couples. And once a man is married, the power totally shifts in her favor. If a divorce happens later on, he basically becomes an indentured servant. He must pay child support for years while getting little contact with his children, and he'll have little to say about how they are raised. He might very well end up like my brother. Wife and kids got the house, he's living in my mothers basement, even though she was completely unfit as a mother. Ultimately, there's no advantage to him to get married, so why do it? Why do you think women sometimes resort to the "Ultimatum." Just keep in mind, he might still say "NO".
Last edited by augiedogie; 06-02-2014 at 06:44 AM..
The man has never committed to her. He's never told her, "This is for life." He will leave.
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