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With all due respect that is seriously outdated antediluvian poppycock. For decades I at various times lived with various men, both as a married woman and a single woman. Never - not once - was I either expected to do or did "the brunt of the housework" or anything else.
It's just a fact. Maybe you personally haven't felt it but on average, it's a fact.
It's just a fact. Maybe you personally haven't felt it but on average, it's a fact.
Maybe in your world but I've both had and have countless friends on two continents spanning 5 decades with the same experiences, ergo I dispute your assessment. But of course I accept it as being your "fact" which is really a bit of a shame. I thought women generally had come rather further ...
Hi everyone, just wanted to vent and maybe get some insight.
I am 30 years old and am currently living with my 32 year old boyfriend of 7 years. We've lived together for 5 years. Things are going great - we rarely argue, we laugh a lot, we travel together and have fun. He's my best friend. When we moved in together, I knew I wanted to spend my life with him. We talked about marriage then but both agreed it was not a priority and we should get settled into our careers first.
Now we are both doing well in our careers and I feel ready to take the next step. However, a few weeks ago I brought up marriage again and he said "I'm just not ready yet." I acted like it wasn't a big deal, but honestly, I'm really hurt. We've been together for so long and have done so much, why wouldn't he be ready?
It doesn't help that all of our friends are getting married, most of whom are younger than me and have been with their SOs for less time than I have. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and I'm not treating marriage like a competition. But I wonder why my friend's boyfriends are able to make the commitment and mine isn't. I feel like there's something wrong with me.
I definitely don't want to pressure him into marriage, so I've been laying off the subject. But (I hate to admit this) I feel a little depressed. It's odd, when I was younger I didn't see what the big deal was when it came to marriage, but now I have a great man I want to call my husband. Hopefully, I don't turn into a desperate old woman.
Anyway, does anyone maybe have a guess as to why my boyfriend is dragging his feet? Maybe you have a story of your own to share?
He doesn't need to marry you if he is already getting the all of the "benefits" of marriage anyway. You handed him the ENTIRE cookie jar with zero strings attached.
Prediction: After you two break up he will marry the next girl within a year. Seen that happen to women over and over and over.
He doesn't need to marry you if he is already getting the all of the "benefits" of marriage anyway. You handed him the ENTIRE cookie jar with zero strings attached.
Prediction: After you two break up he will marry the next girl within a year. Seen that happen to women over and over and over.
This has been a recurring theme over the course of this thread. Can one of the women please explain to me what this great thing is that men are gaining by having their girlfriends move in with them? I mean, you're all making it sound like he is stealing somehing from her without paying for it. So what is "it"?
Did OP not make it sound like they are loving in an equitable, happy relationship? Both of their own free will, sharing expenses, presumably enjoying EACH OTHER'S companionship and etc?
Why does he owe her a marriage? You all sound like a bunch of 1950s bitties.
It's really funny how some of the most grrrrl power posters on this board all of a sudden get real conservative when a question like this comes up. It's the "team woman" crowd...woman should get whatever she wants.
But anywho, OP, all you can do is talk with your SO openly, and then act on the info at hand.
But this is the way I think about it....why would you want to leave a relationship that is as happy as you say it is over a piece of paper?
With all due respect that is seriously outdated antediluvian poppycock. For decades I at various times lived with various men, both as a married woman and a single woman. Never - not once - was I either expected to do or did "the brunt of the housework" or anything else.
I agree that it should be an equal division of assets and labor in a household. That is a utopian world though. Once children come along, it is only aggravated further.
I am happy that you are fortunate enough to not have experienced this situation or know people in this situation.
So you and your significant other truly share equally in housework and cooking? That's great,
This is an article in Forbes that describes a Norwegian 2012 study of thousands of couples.
"Household chores were shared equally in only a quarter of the marriages reviewed. Those couples tended to be younger and more affluent, and chores were divided more equally if the wife worked full-time. Yet, even when she works full-time, in 65% of the couples aged 30 to 49 she still tended to do more housework than him."
Last edited by Meyerland; 06-01-2014 at 06:59 PM..
This has been a recurring theme over the course of this thread. Can one of the women please explain to me what this great thing is that men are gaining by having their girlfriends move in with them? I mean, you're all making it sound like he is stealing somehing from her without paying for it. So what is "it"?
Did OP not make it sound like they are loving in an equitable, happy relationship? Both of their own free will, sharing expenses, presumably enjoying EACH OTHER'S companionship and etc?
Why does he owe her a marriage? You all sound like a bunch of 1950s bitties.
It's really funny how some of the most grrrrl power posters on this board all of a sudden get real conservative when a question like this comes up. It's the "team woman" crowd...woman should get whatever she wants.
But anywho, OP, all you can do is talk with your SO openly, and then act on the info at hand.
But this is the way I think about it....why would you want to leave a relationship that is as happy as you say it is over a piece of paper?
He doesn't owe her a thing. Some women are very happy in this situation and feel no need for a piece of paper. The OP does need it. If she needs it, she needs it. That's just the same as him needing NOT to get married. It is what it is.
Marriage is a formal commitment in the eyes of a community that symbolizes a physical and emotional union that should not be broken easily.
Living together is a physical and emotional union that is casual and can more easily be broken.
Is it a surprise that women want and need stability and commitment?
He's smart. Whether he consciously realizes it or not, he knows that as a man there is NO reason for him to get married, and plenty of reasons not to.
What I want to ask is, what's your big deal about wanting a piece of paper and .gov intrusion into your lives? If you actually love him, why do you need a piece of .gov paper to make it official?
I know the answer. You don't need to respond. It was rhetorical.
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