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This topic has been discussed ad nausaum on this forum and no one ever budges. It illustrates exactly why two people who are on a different page in this dilemma should not be together.
So if a non-marital relationship ends after 15 years you consider that a "wasted life" but don't consider a 15 year marriage which ends in divorce to be such?
Nobody lives to be 32 without accumulating some "baggage" along the way but the reality is in your comment about the boyfriend "becoming the kind of partner you want". She's learned who he is over the years, he's obviously making an attempt to be forthright but if the bond of holy matrimony is of overriding importance to her and he's not yet prepared to take that step then she has to decide whether to move on or not. It doesn't sound at all as though he has a mass of overwhelming psychological issues requiring professional intervention. No more than she needs it for being hung up on the marriage contract.
Both are a waste and only one might be detrimental(marriage) financially.
3) Learn to accept the fact that marriage is not required in order for two people to be happy?
Uhhh, people individually decide what makes them happy.
The fact is, if what makes each of the two people in a relationship happy are diametrically opposed, they are not compatible.
It doesn't matter if YOU personally think that someone should or should not want marriage...if he or she wants it, and you don't (or vice versa) what matters is that your desires aren't aligned, and things aren't going to work out. YOU not requiring marriage for happiness is based on your own personal views, opinions, and beliefs, and is far from a universal viewpoint. I would think this would be obvious to most people.
I think it's HYSTERICAL that people think moving out is a bad idea. It's never a bad idea to be independent. Guys see it as a threat, and "immature"? WTH? I'd live alone at 30 and date you but no way am I going to act like a wife if I'm not. Get a clue. Taking control of your life is being honest, it's not a game, living with someone who doesn't want to marry you IS the game, it's called Playing House.
I'm not totally against people living together but you best know you want your future with this person, and marriage if that's what one of you wants, or it's doomed.
Move out OP. Tell him you love him but you want something more in your life and if he isn't the one to give it to you then you haven't lost anything. Trust me.
I think it's HYSTERICAL that people think moving out is a bad idea. It's never a bad idea to be independent. Guys see it as a threat, and "immature"? WTH? I'd live alone at 30 and date you but no way am I going to act like a wife if I'm not. Get a clue. Taking control of your life is being honest, it's not a game, living with someone who doesn't want to marry you IS the game, it's called Playing House.
I'm not totally against people living together but you best know you want your future with this person, and marriage if that's what one of you wants, or it's doomed.
Move out OP. Tell him you love him but you want something more in your life and if he isn't the one to give it to you then you haven't lost anything. Trust me.
I know. I don't get it either. He's not able or willing to give her what she wants, but she's giving him what he wants and that's all that matters so she should stay, right? Fuhgettaboudit!
And the part I boldfaced? So true. I've said that to more than one man. Nope, sorry, not going to be held to the responsibilities and obligations of marriage without actually being married.
I think it's HYSTERICAL that people think moving out is a bad idea. It's never a bad idea to be independent. Guys see it as a threat, and "immature"? WTH? I'd live alone at 30 and date you but no way am I going to act like a wife if I'm not. Get a clue. Taking control of your life is being honest, it's not a game, living with someone who doesn't want to marry you IS the game, it's called Playing House.
I'm not totally against people living together but you best know you want your future with this person, and marriage if that's what one of you wants, or it's doomed.
Move out OP. Tell him you love him but you want something more in your life and if he isn't the one to give it to you then you haven't lost anything. Trust me.
I think the people who are saying moving out is a bad idea are speaking within the context of moving out and treating it like an ultimatum or manipulation to force the marriage issue. Not moving out and moving on.
I don't think people are saying she should stay...they're saying that moving out as a means of forcing his hand and hoping he'll say, "Okay, we'll get married if you want to," is just plain dumb.
Don't live with someone before you have plans to marry. IT'S A TRAP!
Marriage is a trap...
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