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The men on this forum often decry that if they ask someone out, they might be expected to pay. So then they watch their date to see if she chooses the correct entree. Maybe it has too many calories and they get turned off because she doesn't value fitness. Maybe it was too expensive-- obviously a gold digger. Who the heck knows.
If the woman doesn't reach for the check- rude. If she does- ball buster feminist type. Its just all set up to fail.
Good grief. Both parties are watching each other and making mental notes (consciously or not) about the other. That's how it has been done since time began. It's called dating.
The men on this forum often decry that if they ask someone out, they might be expected to pay. So then they watch their date to see if she chooses the correct entree. Maybe it has too many calories and they get turned off because she doesn't value fitness. Maybe it was too expensive-- obviously a gold digger. Who the heck knows.
If the woman doesn't reach for the check- rude. If she does- ball buster feminist type. Its just all set up to fail.
The OP wasn't expecting to pay nothing....
The OP wasn't making judgements based on the entree, calories, fitness etc...
The OP wasn't saying that it was rude to not reach for the check....
The OP didn't come off as some feminist hater....
The OP ordered a $18 dollar meal so its not like the restaurant he chose was some NYC-Manhattan 5 star exclusive restaurant where the appetizer is $50 bucks. It was most likely a moderately priced one.
The OP was just simply expecting a little show of consideration when ordering.. .that's all... several here have agreed that the concern is valid if it bothered him.
Yes.. she doesn't owe him anything. Similarly, he doesn't owe her any subsequent date either. Of course they are watching and scoping each other out.. that's what you are suppose to do when on a date. Unfortunately, when things like this happen, the guy is out $$ while the lady simply had a good meal... not exactly an even situation.. but it is what it is. Dont' like it, go dutch or go for coffee in the beginning..
The OP wasn't making judgements based on the entree, calories, fitness etc...
The OP wasn't saying that it was rude to not reach for the check....
The OP didn't come off as some feminist hater....
The OP ordered a $18 dollar meal so its not like the restaurant he chose was some NYC-Manhattan 5 star exclusive restaurant where the appetizer is $50 bucks. It was most likely a moderately priced one.
The OP was just simply expecting a little show of consideration when ordering.. .that's all... several here have agreed that the concern is valid if it bothered him.
Yes.. she doesn't owe him anything. Similarly, he doesn't owe her any subsequent date either. Of course they are watching and scoping each other out.. that's what you are suppose to do when on a date.
Exactly.
And perhaps she was testing you to see if you are a cheapskate.
Well yeah, of course you are the one who asked her out, men are 90% of the time. Thats just a terrible argument by the double standard crowd. With that said, if you cant afford to drop $50 on a plate of food, maybe instead of dating, you should be focused on improving your finances? Also, as JerZ said, yuou dont have to blow a ton of money on a first date. Next time do a coffee or a drink, somehting with an easy out
I agree with the first part of your post, but just because someone isn't rich, doesn't mean they shouldn't be able to date.
You said it was your first 'meal".
You've already been on other dates?
One thought is if she's not seemed that way up until now, maybe she had the idea Valentine's Day was an excuse to do something special and wouldn't have done that on Monday.
It might have been their first meal, but also their "Last Supper" at this rate!
This was right after I had ordered an $18 Halibut..So yeah. I didn't say anything to her as I wanted to be polite, but ouch that's a punch to my wallet.
Tonight was our first dinner together and she didn't offer to help pay the bill either. To be fair she did offer me a piece, and also it is Valentines and I am the one who asked her out. She was excited about going out too..
I'm torn on why the sticker shock is bugging me, I keep thinking about it. I feel like the date was fun and she is incredible in a lot of ways and I find her attractive.. but I'm kinda feeling put off a bit too about it...
I paid for the bill. My concern isn't that I paid. I'm glad to do something nice for her.
My concern is I feel she wasn't considerate at all, and it is weighing on my mind. I'm sorting out my feelings right now. I find her attractive in many ways, but that was a big turn off :/
I am OK with a date ordering the $50 steak and lobster, *if* she actually eats it. If she just picks at it, I would consider this either a "testing" behavior, or just plain spoiled and wasteful - either way:
The OP wasn't making judgements based on the entree, calories, fitness etc...
The OP wasn't saying that it was rude to not reach for the check....
The OP didn't come off as some feminist hater....
The OP ordered a $18 dollar meal so its not like the restaurant he chose was some NYC-Manhattan 5 star exclusive restaurant where the appetizer is $50 bucks. It was most likely a moderately priced one.
The OP was just simply expecting a little show of consideration when ordering.. .that's all... several here have agreed that the concern is valid if it bothered him.
Yes.. she doesn't owe him anything. Similarly, he doesn't owe her any subsequent date either. Of course they are watching and scoping each other out.. that's what you are suppose to do when on a date. Unfortunately, when things like this happen, the guy is out $$ while the lady simply had a good meal... not exactly an even situation.. but it is what it is. Dont' like it, go dutch or go for coffee in the beginning..
I am not saying that the OP was doing any of those things. I was just collecting the general sentiment. Personally I would not let anyone pay for me on a first date simply because of the "funny" comments expressed that a date is paying for a meal to get some action and that there is some kind of transaction there. Yeah. yeah I know this is a "joke" but its an old saw that some take more seriously than others. To avoid it, no first dates that aren't dutch.
But ANYWAY you are right. The woman got a meal. The guy had a "oh crap" moment about the bill. Nothing a little chat at the time would not have cleared up. Etiquette normally dictates that a lady orders first, so maybe if the OP heard the lobster and steak ask, he might have adjusted to a salad if he really couldn't pay. But maybe it didn't go down that way.
The point is at worst this is a breach of good manners and intentionally "taking " someone for what., $50? And that isn't the end of the world. This could merely be a misunderstanding. But many of the responses have this sort of mic drop quality that seems excessive.
Even when my husband and I would go out for special occasions, I rarely went hog wild and got the most expensive thing on the menu. Did either of you say anything about the choice at all?
Exactly....who the hell orders a $50 meal on a first date if they're not paying for it?
That would turn me off too.
But with that being said, why would he go to such an expensive restaurant?
Good lord.
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