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Its a great city. Has everything you could ever need.
Well, its the formula I've heard forever. My mother was 12 years younger than my father. He was 39 and she 27 when they got married. In reality, I would go up to 15 years younger. I don't have to date my age because I'm in decent shape and look younger thanks to good genes and taking care of myself. Furthermore, in THIS part of the country, the women my age look much, much older and have let themselves go completely.
And yet...you say all this but you AREN’T getting the dates you want.
It is time for some introspection and perhaps reality. Go with what’s actually happening, not what women did 50+ years ago.
And yet...you say all this but you AREN’T getting the dates you want.
It is time for some introspection and perhaps reality. Go with what’s actually happening, not what women did 50+ years ago.
You don't know me. I don't need the dates at the moment because I am in a relationship (she lives 3 hours away). That said, if this doesn't work out, I refuse to attempt dating where I live. I've gotta move, regardless. It's very sad living in a place you don't consider home and detest.
Its a great city. Has everything you could ever need.
Well, its the formula I've heard forever. My mother was 12 years younger than my father. He was 39 and she 27 when they got married. In reality, I would go up to 15 years younger. I don't have to date my age because I'm in decent shape and look younger thanks to good genes and taking care of myself. Furthermore, in THIS part of the country, the women my age look much, much older and have let themselves go completely.
I've been told I look 10 years younger than my true age (good genes, good lifestyle choices, work out at my gym) and I prefer women who have taken care of themselves similarly, but closer to my age.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39
You don't know me. I don't need the dates at the moment because I am in a relationship (she lives 3 hours away). That said, if this doesn't work out, I refuse to attempt dating where I live. I've gotta move, regardless. It's very sad living in a place you don't consider home and detest.
I sympathize. I wasted 2-3 years leaving LA thinking I would like it better elsewhere. I guess LA is my Atlanta.
Its a great city. Has everything you could ever need.
Well, its the formula I've heard forever. My mother was 12 years younger than my father. He was 39 and she 27 when they got married. In reality, I would go up to 15 years younger. I don't have to date my age because I'm in decent shape and look younger thanks to good genes and taking care of myself. Furthermore, in THIS part of the country, the women my age look much, much older and have let themselves go completely.
How did your parents meet? Maybe try to replicate that. Since your age is listed in an online profile, a lot of younger women are screening you out online. Unless you are lying about your age, they see that number and write you off as most women look closer to their own age.
If you look good/young, you should just meet women in person somehow so they don't see your age because those online tools allow you to screen.
EDIT: Just saw your other post where you said you are in a relationship. So never mind. But I will leave this up because I think it's good information for people who look better than their age would lead them to appear. Online dating in that case can be a less than useful tool.
How did your parents meet? Maybe try to replicate that. Since your age is listed in an online profile, a lot of younger women are screening you out online. Unless you are lying about your age, they see that number and write you off as most women look closer to their own age.
If you look good/young, you should just meet women in person somehow so they don't see your age because those online tools allow you to screen.
EDIT: Just saw your other post where you said you are in a relationship. So never mind. But I will leave this up because I think it's good information for people who look better than their age would lead them to appear. Online dating in that case can be a less than useful tool.
Yeah, I'm off the market now, but have some doubts about her being the one. Time will tell. That said, I'm awful at meeting women out and about. I have met a few before, but its very hit or miss. But you make a good point because nobody guesses my age. My parents were set up. That rarely happens these days. Several of my past girlfriends were set ups. Ironically, I met my ex-wife on a message board similar to this one before online dating took off and then turned into the mess it is today.
Well, this looks like an entertaining thread. I need to go back and read all the previous 16 pages.
In short, yes. I ran out of options locally within a year of moving where I now live. My current relationship is long distance (3 hour drive) and neither of us is from this part of the country. If this doesn't work out (I'm very unsure) then I'm done unless I can move back east. Its seriously not worth the effort to try where I live.
3 hour drive seems like a trek.... I'm definitely not against long-distance, but I always ponder if those types of situations need a bit more planning. I've done 1.5 hours and even it got taxing on her, me, or both of us over time. It's not the drive that kills you, because most people probably don't mind the drive with unlimited music and podcasts. It's the mental letdown of knowing anything you opt to do requires planning. For instance, someone offers you tickets to a dinner and show that night and you can't even ask your partner if they want to go, because it starts at 6 and it's 4:30. Not saying it would be any different if you lived in the same city; however, asking someone who lives 10 minutes away is easier than 3 hours away. Those situations can snowball and create a big issue from a bunch of small issues.
Definitely not saying that long-distance can't work, because I know that it can. It just takes two people willing to plan and think aloud with each other. It's really hard, because long-distance doesn't have the same perspective of dating someone a few miles away. You have to plan and really look forward to that time together, because time moves quick. I actually enjoyed my long-distance relationship this summer, even though it didn't work out. I truly enjoyed the drive and she lived in an area full of excitement. It was a good time.
3 hour drive seems like a trek.... I'm definitely not against long-distance, but I always ponder if those types of situations need a bit more planning. I've done 1.5 hours and even it got taxing on her, me, or both of us over time. It's not the drive that kills you, because most people probably don't mind the drive with unlimited music and podcasts. It's the mental letdown of knowing anything you opt to do requires planning. For instance, someone offers you tickets to a dinner and show that night and you can't even ask your partner if they want to go, because it's starts at 6 and it's 4:30. Not saying it would be any different if you lived in the same city; however, asking someone who lives 10 minutes away is easier than 3 hours away. Those situations can snowball and create a big issue from a bunch of small issues.
Definitely not saying that long-distance can't work, because I know that it can. It just takes two people willing to plan and think aloud with each other. It's really hard, because long-distance doesn't have the same perspective of dating someone a few miles away. You have to plan and really look forward to that time together, because time moves quick. I actually enjoyed my long-distance relationship this summer, even though it didn't work out. I truly enjoyed the drive and she lived in an area full of excitement. It was a good time.
Spot on. Its wearing on us and a decision needs to be made soon. She needs to move here. She wants to leave where she is as its even worse than this place. My city looks very exciting compared to her small town, so she would enjoy it initially at least.
Spot on. Its wearing on us and a decision needs to be made soon. She needs to move here. She wants to leave where she is as its even worse than this place. My city looks very exciting compared to her small town, so she would enjoy it initially at least.
Honestly, you sound lukewarm about her, and if she's picking up on that - and she probably is - then it's not surprising she doesn't want to uproot herself for you.
She may also be having her doubts about you being the one. That's another possibility.
If she were gung-ho I think she'd be making this happen.
FWIW.
It honestly seems very irresponsible to expect someone you're iffy about to uproot her entire life and move to you, so that you can then decide whether you feel like ditching her or not. Because from her side of things, great...then what? Away from her family and friends, and ditched. Great. She's a smart cookie to stay where she is.
Spot on. Its wearing on us and a decision needs to be made soon. She needs to move here. She wants to leave where she is as its even worse than this place. My city looks very exciting compared to her small town, so she would enjoy it initially at least.
I have a buddy who just got married a week ago and his now wife moved to live with him after 3 months. They did know each other in the past though and stayed in touch here and there throughout the years. Things just lined up to where they could try dating and they really enjoyed each others company, but the drive was taxing. So she moved 2.5 hours from home and sold her house too. She's over the moon happy, since she married the guy she knew she wanted to marry when she packed up and moved 28 months ago or so.
I'm not the biggest fan of moving fast, but I'm also overly cautious, due to bad marital experiences in all my immediate family. However, I do like seeing happy endings where people married someone they truly love and seem really happy. My friend is a totally different person with Holly in his life than when he was single. They both make each other not only happier, but better people.
Honestly, you sound lukewarm about her, and if she's picking up on that - and she probably is - then it's not surprising she doesn't want to uproot herself for you.
She may also be having her doubts about you being the one. That's another possibility.
If she were gung-ho I think she'd be making this happen.
FWIW.
It honestly seems very irresponsible to expect someone you're iffy about to uproot her entire life and move to you, so that you can then decide whether you feel like ditching her or not. Because from her side of things, great...then what? Away from her family and friends, and ditched. Great. She's a smart cookie to stay where she is.
I agree with you JerZ. It's a tough call for someone you barely even know. For some people it works, but for some people it doesn't. It depends on what kind of risk that person is willing to take.
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