Does anybody remember relationship laughter? (marriages, male, older, kissing)
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A husband and wife are in bed watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire."
The husband asks for sex.
The wife says, "No."
Her husband asks, "Is that your final answer?"
She responds, "Yes."
He says, Then, I'd like to phone a friend."
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While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says
"We're Catholic so we can't use it."
The next woman says, "I am too but we use the rhythm method."
The third woman says, "We use the bucket and saucer method."
"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others ask.
"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from under him."
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so I said to her, "What's the matter, you can't think of anyone either?" - Rodney Dangerfield.
I was in a hardware store the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other.. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. At dinner that night, she does just that. About a week later she's back at the doctor and tells him, "The pill worked great! I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, pushed all the food and dishes to the floor, grabbed me, ripped off all my clothes and ravaged me right there on the table." The doctor says, "Oh dear -- I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." The lady replied, "That's very kind but I don't think the restaurant will let us back in anyway."
Last night I discovered a new means of oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said, "No." - Woody Allen
I told my girl friend unless she told me what she liked I wouldn't be able to please her. So, she said, "Get off me." - Gary Shandling
My wife cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she cut out entirely.- Rodney Dangerfield.
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