Men and Women retiring alone to a new city/state -- where will you go and why? (grandfather, supplement)

[Wisteria]

Hi Everyone!

I've been out of commission for awhile. I took a trip back east to see my dad who has dementia and is in a nursing home. He was better than I expected, and I was soooo happy to visit with him!! Took lots of photos, ate meals with him, took him out to downtown Buffalo and got him a Beef on Kimmelweck (remember those, Livecontent??? ). He was delighted. My daughter came with me, too, and this was the only time we had to visit because it was her Spring Break and she starts a part-time job next week that will go through the summer.

I've had a few problems with my home….. I DID get the flooded, rotted wooden floor room replaced! Yes! My realtor really came through for me (I highly recommend her if anyone is looking at this area), and although I do have to chip in some for it, most of the cost was covered by both realtors (mine and the sellers), both brokers and the inspector! (It was a seller's ommission problem.... ) Good job to Chris (my realtor) for negotiating all this!

I am still waiting for new flooring for that room – which will eventually be my "refuge space" and it is also a sunroom, so that will be nice. In the meantime, I'm sleeping on my couch while everything else is piled sky-high in the bedrooms! I'm a bit tired of all of this, but I have to do what I have to do.

I know Nancy thereader hardly comes here anymore, but I will speak on her behalf – as she told me, "I already found my spot, so I am no longer looking…." and that is why she is not here talking about what place might be good, which ones wouldn't be, etc., because she found her spot! And she is very, very busy with all the groups she has joined, she has met several close friends with whom she spends a lot of time, and I know she adores living so close to the ocean. Her home is gorgeous and she just had a white picket fence put up around it. I give her lots of credit for having the courage to make the move, to start over, and she lucked out in finding a place that is just perfect for her!! Kudos to Nancy!!
(And thanks to Nancy, my kitties were well-fed while I was back east! )

As for moving and finding that place, well, I, too, am from Buffalo, and I have now lived out west longer than I ever lived there. So, in spite of the fact that most of my family seem to think I "hate" Buffalo, that's not the case. I just found out there were many, many, many places to live (and live in them, I did), and I discovered that I absolutely adore mountains, sunshine, low humidity, and a more laid-back lifestyle. I have many fond memories of Buffalo, especially during the sixties (those were the days!), but much has changed there. I no longer have friends living there (except one who may move also), and the rest died. My family has never lived out here (except for a sister who lived a short time in Arizona), so they don't know what I am talking about in terms of weather, lifestyle, or environment. It is hard to explain to someone what it is like if they have never been here. As I told them recently, I can only live in one place at a time, and now that I've spent over half my life out west, it is where I feel most comfortable. So, I stay here.

The point being is that there IS that familiarity and it is comforting. Although I did not spend all 30 years in the west in one place, it was still all in the west, and the lifestyle is just different here. I don't think I could live away from mountains – for some reason, they comfort and calm me. So, although it was not the same city, or even same state, out west, I feel a sense of familiarity and comfort with the lifestyle here.

It sounds like everyone is starting to narrow down their options and learning more about themselves, and that is what the whole process is about. Good job, everyone!

I, too, hope that we can get together for a meet-up sometime!!

[loveautumn]

yes, that is a big issue for me too, because I will have to/want to work part time after retirement. And it's a very difficult thing to tell...how many part time jobs are there in a certain place, will they hire older people, etc. It's one of those "unknowns".

[mzfroggez]

wisteria, this is such a cool post! glad to hear what's up with you because both you and nancythereader had crossed my mind recently. how cosmic????? i'm still in so many ways a newbie to this thread and yet feel like i have been here forever .... so interesting to read things about those at the start, in the middle of the process and the close of "the quest". there HAS been tremendous soul searching, growing, stretching et al with this for so many. It's such a poignant picture of women in transition.

i first posted here i think when i had just made a move that i figured wasn't the right one by any stretch and yet was trying to figure out why it couldn't work out. well, nearly a year later, and after a really fairly traumatic, mood-swinging, challenging period of time, spring has again returned and i am here, packing but again. my notice to vacate has been issued, i'm racing against the clock and wow, i don't even know where i'm going!!!! this should make me absolutely panicked and yet I've been panicked and freaked so many times that that starts to feel like the norm. In fact, I have been angry, frustrated, ready to kick certain people half way across the state and others likely to the moon. I have given up at times on family, friends and even the certainty of enemies. At times, I have completely just given up and waited for SOMETHING to happen. ANYTHING! A sign! A road map!

But suddenly, i'm entering into the absolute energy-filled phase of it all....hoping to complete in time to get out of this place when i have stipulated and yet also filled with an incredible calm that if i can't meet my self-imposed deadline, i will be very close and that i likely can negotiate a brief extension to finish. and if not, well, i suppose the law is on my side to an extent - there are 30 day eviction notice issues and not that i would ever purposefully be that ungracious to invite such a thing, if circumstances don't work out, there are solutions. it is not the end of the world - lawsy day, i'm starting to sound like the "don't worry..be happy" guy. the point is i'm not sweating every possible mishap that can take place. in reality, i have already encountered one after another and have had to regroup it seems nearly daily. if Murphy's Law is the prevailing wind, then by God, i'll just bend and flex with Murphy!

the beauty of all of this is finding out things about oneself and the world around you. I can right now look and see the perfectly wonderful things about the place I am that could coax me to stay. I can also see the reasons why it is good for me to move on. And best of all, I have come to realize that this was not a mistake to move here - it was a really good way to further find some things out about me and my wants and desires - like you realizing the necessity of mountains or the adjustment to another part of the country from what you originally knew and realizing that that is now your home- the completion for Nancy in discovering what for her IS the answer for her - we have all talked about closer to family or no; about thinking about future needs without abandoning the present; about what we value. The more talk that occurs, the more discovery unfolds and the realization that it truly is not a "one size fits all" or one solution forever. Change truly IS the only constant.

my next step is really going to be a stretch for me - not just ready to disclose as yet - need to finish this up first - one thing at a time - and this is a demander - but I'm just thankful for the stories that all have shared - the chance to know you each a bit more over the past many months. Each of you has added dimension to my journey. I'll update when I get a bit closer to the end of the month - which is of course just a 30 day marking of time in the greater picture

as i commented to my nemesis earlier today, whatever drug it is i am on right now, i would like a lot more of it.... -

Originally Posted by Wisteria

Hi Everyone!

I've been out of commission for awhile. I took a trip back east to see my dad who has dementia and is in a nursing home. He was better than I expected, and I was soooo happy to visit with him!! Took lots of photos, ate meals with him, took him out to downtown Buffalo and got him a Beef on Kimmelweck (remember those, Livecontent??? ). He was delighted. My daughter came with me, too, and this was the only time we had to visit because it was her Spring Break and she starts a part-time job next week that will go through the summer.

I've had a few problems with my home….. I DID get the flooded, rotted wooden floor room replaced! Yes! My realtor really came through for me (I highly recommend her if anyone is looking at this area), and although I do have to chip in some for it, most of the cost was covered by both realtors (mine and the sellers), both brokers and the inspector! (It was a seller's ommission problem.... ) Good job to Chris (my realtor) for negotiating all this!

I am still waiting for new flooring for that room – which will eventually be my "refuge space" and it is also a sunroom, so that will be nice. In the meantime, I'm sleeping on my couch while everything else is piled sky-high in the bedrooms! I'm a bit tired of all of this, but I have to do what I have to do.

I know Nancy thereader hardly comes here anymore, but I will speak on her behalf – as she told me, "I already found my spot, so I am no longer looking…." and that is why she is not here talking about what place might be good, which ones wouldn't be, etc., because she found her spot! And she is very, very busy with all the groups she has joined, she has met several close friends with whom she spends a lot of time, and I know she adores living so close to the ocean. Her home is gorgeous and she just had a white picket fence put up around it. I give her lots of credit for having the courage to make the move, to start over, and she lucked out in finding a place that is just perfect for her!! Kudos to Nancy!!
(And thanks to Nancy, my kitties were well-fed while I was back east! )

As for moving and finding that place, well, I, too, am from Buffalo, and I have now lived out west longer than I ever lived there. So, in spite of the fact that most of my family seem to think I "hate" Buffalo, that's not the case. I just found out there were many, many, many places to live (and live in them, I did), and I discovered that I absolutely adore mountains, sunshine, low humidity, and a more laid-back lifestyle. I have many fond memories of Buffalo, especially during the sixties (those were the days!), but much has changed there. I no longer have friends living there (except one who may move also), and the rest died. My family has never lived out here (except for a sister who lived a short time in Arizona), so they don't know what I am talking about in terms of weather, lifestyle, or environment. It is hard to explain to someone what it is like if they have never been here. As I told them recently, I can only live in one place at a time, and now that I've spent over half my life out west, it is where I feel most comfortable. So, I stay here.

The point being is that there IS that familiarity and it is comforting. Although I did not spend all 30 years in the west in one place, it was still all in the west, and the lifestyle is just different here. I don't think I could live away from mountains – for some reason, they comfort and calm me. So, although it was not the same city, or even same state, out west, I feel a sense of familiarity and comfort with the lifestyle here.

It sounds like everyone is starting to narrow down their options and learning more about themselves, and that is what the whole process is about. Good job, everyone!

I, too, hope that we can get together for a meet-up sometime!!

[AcaciaRose]

I'm glad to see from you, Wisteria. Thanks for starting this thread so long ago.

Good luck to you, triciajeanne. I hope I too will have an "energy-filled phase!"

[brightdoglover]

Where I am (outside of Boston) I have my dream house and the ability to keep multiple old mutts. I could likely working part-time (or on-call) at my current full-time job. (Note- posting on third shift on company time!)
I moved to New England at age 20, left three times, plopped back three times. I seem to like the overall Yankee reserve, unpretentiousness (mostly) and general high-level intellectual environment. Yes, it's a very expensive place to live. If all goes OK, I should be able to afford to stay here in my house.
I cannot stand the sticky humid summers. I crave the Mountain West, although have only vacationed there, and think I might like any place where I don't have to go to work, eat in restaurants, drive around and see great sights, and ride horses, that is, SPEND and not work. I wonder if any desire to retire there (or elsewhere) is a geographic cure that won't work- for a sense of being adrift, isolated, etc.
To be honest, most places I've liked that aren't here are expensive- places that other people also like. For instance, I wouldn't want to live in a cheap part of New Mexico- only Santa Fe. Etc. I have yet to acquire any cheap tastes.
So what is so expensive? Well, my R.E. taxes only go up. I am largely car-dependent, although there is supermarket/pharmacy within a mile or so, and there is some Council on Aging transport (will it continue in the future?) and there are private businesses cropping up for car services, although few and far between. The train into Boston/Cambridge must be driven to.
I am 57 and will have an old-fashioned pension. I haven't had the experience that a lot of women have had, that is, spending a lot of earlier life doing what they must do- college/job/family, raising kids alone, etc. I have always explored my daydreams, gone back to school, changed jobs, left town, and so on. I am not sure how to view my daydreams of moving West. On some down times (low moods) I curl up in my dream house with my mutts around me and am so grateful I didn't go somewhere else in hope of a life and feeling that I cannot create here. That I don't seem to know how to create, and it's not so much place related.
Then, there's the dry air and vistas...
I could go for an energy phase. Any time it might show its head.
Just musing. Thanks for listening to the ramble.

[Umbria]

b.d.l - I very much relate to your post. I question my motives for wanting to move all the time - looking for greener pastures? Not sure. I have lived in CO (Centennial) for 2 years and loved it so I don't doubt I will again. I definitely want a change so why not? CO is great - I just hope it stays that way.

[livecontent]

I keep reading on this thread and the Colorado thread that Colorado is "great" and many people want to move there. Yet, I remember when in the fifties, that people talked much about California and that was the "great" place to go. We did not have instant communication like the internet but I believe that desire and draw of California was much stronger. California was indeed a wonderful place and today it still has the same qualities. Unfortunately, it attracted too many people and some of those qualities became expensive and somewhat tarnished because of the amount of people.

I believe the same fate is awaiting Colorado as too many people move here. The state is much more fragile with environmental issues than California. It has much less desirable livable land than California with most of the people living nestling along the front range, against the mountains or on the western slope. We have no inner empire--the mountains will never be a place for many people to live, contrary to the excessive and deceptive advertisement of mountain living. The eastern plains are a hard place to live and will never will attract a large population. In fact, in many areas of the short grass plains, towns are dying and population is diminishing; weather is harsh, water is become scarce, opportunities are limited and good health care is non-existent. These problems are also endemic to mountain communities--which are not all overpriced, over hyped play lands of the rich.

So, in Colorado we will continue to become more dense along the mountains--just as in many places of California become extremely dense aside the pacific. However, California is much bigger and has more areas to expand inward, --Colorado does not not have that livable land.

Having been to California extensively on business and stationed there for the Army, I would say that California is a much better state to live, geographically and for weather, than Colorado. Colorado has only the advantage over California because it now has a smaller manageable population, less taxes and less stress. All that will change when more people will come here. It will not be able to absorb as much population as California to make it a difficult place to live because of the limited land resources. Stress will increase; more takes will be needed for the bigger population and rising expensively compensated public work force; water availability will become a severe issue. When, all that happens Colorado will not be in the popular mind as the place to live, for the advantages will disappear.

Livecontent

[Minervah]

Livecontent, except for the mountain areas, you could be describing what has happened to Oregon. It is becoming over-crowded, over-priced, over-hyped and just not the place it once was before people began flocking here only to destroy what they are seeking.

My goal is to find what I need in a place not popular so I don't have to witness the changes made when people decided to turn it into something it cannot sustain and becomes the place I was trying to get away from.

[RiverBird]

Originally Posted by Minervah

One more thing for me that will play a major role in my decision is a place where I can find a part time job. I think that will be the dealbreaker in any choices I would like to make (like staying in the Pacific Northwest) as opposed to the choice I will have to make. I wonder if this is a concern for others following this thread.

I think anyone retiring on a modest income will need a part time job. The big question is, where are the part-time jobs? Used to be you could get a PT job at a library, etc. but many of these are taken by townies. Some schools have PT jobs during the school year. I'm wondering how hard or easy it actually is to find a PT anywhere after a certain age, other than W-Mart. I cannot stand on my feet long so many jobs are just plain out, for me. What kind are you looking for?

[loveautumn]

bdl, I can definitely relate to your post as well. It's funny, my dream for a long time was to live outside Boston, in a small house with a few doggies! It still is my first choice of places to live.

If you've left and gone back a few times, there must be something there that is right for you...maybe it would be cheaper to just visit those mountain vistas a couple times a year and get your "fix" rather than move and give up what you have.

Hey, I've had wanderlust all my life, I guess it's just part of my make-up.

I agree that Colorado seems like the hot place to move now and it will unfortunately change as lots of people flock there to live. Same happening in Utah and Idaho.