U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
Old 10-03-2016, 04:50 PM
6,465 posts, read 3,073,533 times
Reputation: 5922


I'm not going to say move or not move, as that is a decision you will ultimately have to make for yourself.

It can be hard to develop a social life in a small town. But, its not impossible.

First, is this a town you grew up in and went to school in? If so, check out the facebook pages for this town and/or the high school you went to. Reconnect with those people, some of whom are probably divorced/widowed and looking to repartner or even just have friends.

Define for yourself as specifically as possible what you would like your life to look like.

Check out volunteer work as that is a great way to get to know people and one of the places you will find other retirees.

Find out where the men go in your town, especially retired or age appropriate men and go there. For example, I live in a small town and every breakfast place in my town is teeming with men my age at breakfast time lol!!

I am quite sure if I wanted to find a new husband, all I would have to do is go out to breakfast every day of the week.

Old 10-03-2016, 05:51 PM
13,044 posts, read 15,397,378 times
Reputation: 15299
I'm not retired yet, but if I were in your position I would figure out where I would like to live geographically (if I could afford to, and it sounds like you can) and go there. Do things you love and get to know the people who also love those things. You can visit family when you get bored!
Old 10-03-2016, 07:57 PM
13,320 posts, read 25,569,771 times
Reputation: 20505
All you have to do to avoid being thought a gay come-on is mention grandchildren or late husband or some other sign of being hetero. Most people stop there and don't realize that a person could live a straight life and then later a gay life. For myself, since I've never been married, I often feel I need to tell people in some way that I'm straight and say something like, "If I'd been more conventional, I'd have divorced twice before I was 25!" and if asked about not having children, I tell the truth that I never was family oriented and that I'd lost one great guy over the issue, and that's true, too.

When I bought my lot in Colorado for retirement, the broker told me, "There are so many smart and independent women around here," and I said, "I'm not coming out here for a date, but aren't there any men?" I thought he assumed I was gay and looking! He denied it later. But I do look forward to the possibility of friends in my new location, friends who won't think I'm after their husbands, if they have one. (I gather there are a lot of older divorced women where I'm going. I just want congenial people to have lunch with and some conversation at the farmers market!)
Old 10-03-2016, 08:36 PM
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,867 posts, read 14,383,691 times
Reputation: 30765
Originally Posted by slyfox2 View Post
If joining groups isn't your thing, or volunteering isn't your thing, or going back to work isn't your thing....I'm not sure how you can get what you want.

The first step is to determine what you expected your retirement by yourself would be like. Then you have to make plans to make that happen. But if you expected your relatives to be part of it, I hate to say it, but that's a dream.

The OP has told us that she is lonely, but doesn't want to go out and meet people in groups.

I want to recommend that you get out of your comfort zone. Have you met your neighbors? Have you taken them some homemade baked goodies? You could start there.
Old 10-03-2016, 08:57 PM
Location: California
378 posts, read 361,323 times
Reputation: 336
Go on a cruise!
Old 10-03-2016, 09:59 PM
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,671 posts, read 4,712,277 times
Reputation: 28108
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
Anyway she met a man on the ship who had also lost his wife after a long illness.
She probably didn't realize that she beat the odds in more ways than one. We've met many widows, some recent, on cruises but we have never encountered a widower.

In the OP's case, however, there would be quite a few congenial women to talk to. I don't think many people go on cruises only to lock themselves in their staterooms the entire time.

The downside of course would be most of the ladies wouldn't be local. But this is how my MIL found her traveling companion. They shared a stateroom on a half-dozen cruises and saved money. My MIL also took a lot of tours with Grand Circle Travel and Overseas Adventure Travel.
Old 10-03-2016, 10:22 PM
26,591 posts, read 52,313,328 times
Reputation: 20438
I never would have thought love would blossom on the high seas... even after watching Love Boat as a kid.

John is the epitome of a true gentleman and a seasoned snow skier... they both have kids, grandkids and even great grandkids... and have a passion for travel... he insisted on a church wedding and she said are you really sure?

I've been fortunate to have met many of them and it really has grown into one big extended family over the last 8 years...

Maybe it was fate... as his wife is the one who encouraged him to get out and to go on that cruise they had planned before she got sick... just like her husband did...

Between homes, kids, weddings, graduations, etc... they have a very full life in their 80's... much more than most I know at any age...

Neither had any expectations or could have imagine just how wonderful it would be the second time around...

One thing they both have is an attitude to seize the day... not to put off... for tomorrow isn't promised.
Old 10-03-2016, 10:23 PM
473 posts, read 327,049 times
Reputation: 324
Is there a local cause you want to volunteer to serve or local need you want to fill with your own non-profit? Maybe teach classes at library if you know a skill other locals may not know?

Might think about RVing. Several Female RVers groups exist and hold events regularly; serve as way to network to meet other women with whom to travel around. RV is better option as you can just lay on horn and drive away if anything is wrong while camping. Better not to use jacks and do not leave water hose attached at night. Can easily just drive it away.

Can do volunteer vacations anywhere. Make sure company/situation is legitimate.

Can find a lot of temporary or seasonal work on Craigslist for all over country.
Old 10-03-2016, 11:06 PM
5,430 posts, read 3,450,730 times
Reputation: 13714
So one person (widow) out of 100's & 100's of 1000's or even millions is lucky to meet one compatible widower on a cruise. Beating the odds indeed.

And their love story? and wonderful life together expounded upon? meaning? what does their wonderful life together have to do with anything?

I wouldn't recommend cruises. No way would I ever ever get on a cruise ship.

But thenwhatareyou, the OP, is the one who is or isn't interested.

But extrapolating to some other single women like myself.....no, no cruise(s). Others, enjoy.

Cattalk1, those are wild ideas you present (the last 3 you list) and "a local need which you could fill with your own non-profit"???

Last edited by matisse12; 10-03-2016 at 11:45 PM..
Old 10-04-2016, 12:04 AM
26,591 posts, read 52,313,328 times
Reputation: 20438
We are each a product of our experience....

Sometimes all it takes is the smallest of things to set out on a new path...

The possibilities are endless as we are all unique.

If I were to paraphrase it would be to be open to life...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top