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We're on majorly different pages here, MM, sorry. I'm not in the "weddings are fundraisers" camp and never will be. If all people care about is breaking even, then they should just not have a reception. Keep the money you'd spend on the wedding for yourself (although much of the time, traditional and lavish weddings are paid for by the parents, who aren't "paid back" by the gifts") and let your guests keep theirs. Weddings are fun and I like to see my friends and family have a nice time, but there is no wedding food or entertainment on earth worth its equivalent in cash. I'll give you $100 because I love you, not because I'm paying for some rubbery chicken and tepid rice that someone probably sneezed on.
I completely understand that we are different pages here JJ. Perhaps I'm just being practical here. I always think of how the bride and groom are paying for the wedding, and nowdays, usually all on their own. Especially in NYC, not too many couples got much of the help from their parents at all. To be honest, I only know of one couple that had help from their bride's father. One couple. And I went to many weddings.
Do you really think that the vase you get them or whatever you consider special is that important to them?
I always just put myself in their shoes and think of what I would like to get if I was them. There is a reason why giving money is such a tradition in some cultures. Because it works. I pay for the wedding, people go and have a good time and give money.
Yeah, I'm sure you would. I'd rather have my money too, instead of giving it to some ungrateful, entitled bridezilla who's pissed because she's out the money for the extra-special mints she had flown in from Timbuktu because they were just the right shade of magenta
Wow, is this how you think of the brides whose weddings you go to?
We're on majorly different pages here, MM, sorry. I'm not in the "weddings are fundraisers" camp and never will be. If all people care about is breaking even, then they should just not have a reception. Keep the money you'd spend on the wedding for yourself (although much of the time, traditional and lavish weddings are paid for by the parents, who aren't "paid back" by the gifts) and let your guests keep theirs. Weddings are fun and I like to see my friends and family have a nice time, but there is no wedding food or entertainment on earth worth its equivalent in cash. I'll give you $100 because I love you, not because I'm paying for some rubbery chicken and tepid rice that someone probably sneezed on.
Yeah, I'm sure you would. I'd rather have my money too, instead of giving it to some ungrateful, entitled bridezilla who's pissed because she's out the money for the extra-special mints she had flown in from Timbuktu because they were just the right shade of magenta.
The food at my wedding was amazing it was prime rib not chicken and there were 8 courses. Trust me if you ordered this kind of a meal at a restaurant it would cost over 150.00-200.00 as there was also AN OPEN BAR for the guests.
Most normal newlyweds are going to appreciate the money much more than the "Oh sweetie I'm so glad aunt Bertha got me this fondue set instead of that two hundred dollars. Everytime I make fondue I will think of her. I will cherish it forever."LOL
We also give the guests expensive bonbonnieres before they leave as a thank-you for attenting and speeches are made thanking everyone for their attending.
Oh, and no one forced the parents to pay for the food. They OFFERED because they are our parents and they LOVE us.
The food at my wedding was amazing it was prime rib not chicken and there were 8 courses. Trust me if you ordered this kind of a meal at a restaurant it would cost over 150.00-200.00 as there was also AN OPEN BAR for the guests.
Most normal newlyweds are going to appreciate the money much more than the "Oh sweetie I'm so glad aunt Bertha got me this fondue set instead of that two hundred dollars. Everytime I make fondue I will think of her. I will cherish it forever."LOL
We also give the guests expensive bonbonnieres before they leave as a thank-you for attenting and speeches are made thanking everyone for their attending.
Oh, and no one forced the parents to pay for the food. They OFFERED because they are our parents and they LOVE us.
Methinks the lady doth protest too much.
I'm in agreement with JJ depsite having somewhat of a lavish wedding (lavish by most of the country's standards, not NYC/other metro area standards.) The difference was we didn't have the celebration expecting anything in return. As JJ stated, we didn't do it expecting to break even on the cost. We knew better. I was extremely grateful for whatever gifts we received, be it monetary or wine glasses, etc.. I'll be honest, there are gifts that aren't my taste, but I still appreciate the thought that is behind it and I remember who gave each gift to us.
And let's be realistic, how good do you think your prime rib was when the staff if preparing it for 200 people to be served all at the same time? Very rarely is the food up to par with a top notch restaurant unless you're having it a top notch restaurant. I know I don't go to weddings expecting very much of the food.
My husband put it all in perspective for me. There are people who truly want to be there to celebrate your day and the rest are there out of obligation.
And do you think your guests walked away from your wedding thinking "I'm so glad I went! It was worth it just for the bon-bons!"??? Your guests probably enjoyed that as much as the vase you received from them. I don't mean that as a slight against you, but do you think a $4-15 favor compares to the money and time they spent to attend your wedding?
Wow, is this how you think of the brides whose weddings you go to?
I know I do.... Which is why I never go... 2 people I know got mad at me because I refused to attend there lavish wedding.
And what's up with all the gifts? ALL the gifts are basically for the WOMAN. I have never seen guns, boots, chainsaws, air compressors or tools and such given to the groom.
And what's up with all the gifts? ALL the gifts are basically for the WOMAN. I have never seen guns, boots, chainsaws, air compressors or tools and such given to the groom
Wedding gifts are for the couple and their new home/life together. Dishes, sheets, towels, etc. Unless you consider those womanly, but he'll be eating off them, sleeping on them, and drying off with with them, too. I know couples who have registered at Home Depot for stuff like lawn mowers and step ladders as well if they're moving into a new home.
The difference was we didn't have the celebration expecting anything in return. As JJ stated, we didn't do it expecting to break even on the cost. We knew better. I was extremely grateful for whatever gifts we received, be it monetary or wine glasses, etc.. I'll be honest, there are gifts that aren't my taste, but I still appreciate the thought that is behind it and I remember who gave each gift to us.
I didn't expect anything in return either. That's why we had a small wedding, not nearly in any way or form "lavish" by any standards. It was within our means and if I got NO money in return, I wouldn't be hurting. But boy was it nice to realize that we spent "0" on a wedding at the end of the day. Truly a nice gift.
Of course, the fact that you are a nice and sentimental person made you appreciate all the thought behind it, but I can assure you. You are in minority.
As someone mentioned, the gift registry is a long-standing tradition in some cultures as much as giving cash may be a tradition in other cultures. I always choose a gift from the registry and if there is none, I will give the couple cash. But unless all of your friends and family are in a cash giving mode, it's highly unlikely that you'll recoup the cost of an expensive wedding.
I know I do.... Which is why I never go... 2 people I know got mad at me because I refused to attend there lavish wedding.
And what's up with all the gifts? ALL the gifts are basically for the WOMAN. I have never seen guns, boots, chainsaws, air compressors or tools and such given to the groom.
If I'm going to spend money on a babysitter in addition to the money I'll give to the bride and groom, I better like at least either a bride or a groom. There were some wedding invitations that I declined simply because I didn't feel like spending money on the people I don't like. I'm under no obligation to go for anyone.
In terms of the gifts, well...majority of the couples already live together nowdays and had been living in their own home for awhile. It's foolish of me to think that they already don't have a toaster in their home.
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Perhaps I'm just being practical here. I always think of how the bride and groom are paying for the wedding, and nowdays, usually all on their own. Especially in NYC, not too many couples got much of the help from their parents at all. To be honest, I only know of one couple that had help from their bride's father. One couple. And I went to many weddings.
I don't mean that as a slight against you, but do you think a $4-15 favor compares to the money and time they spent to attend your wedding?
