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I hear of many couples pressured into a big wedding to satisfy their large families but they don't have the money for such a large event. Personally, I think the money spent on a big wedding would be better used as a downpayment on a home ... especially in an expensive place like NYC.
If your parents aren't footing the bill and you're pinching pennies to pay for a big wedding, is it worth it?
People tend to get too wrapped up in it all and forget about their budgets. I was guilty of it, but my husband was quick to bring me back to reality. (It wasn't so much trying to satisfy others or keeping up with the Jones', but more about what I wanted to do for my guests. I like planning parties and entertaining in general and this was an opportunity where all our friends and family would be gathered at once.) Granted, we already owned a home, had done quite a bit of traveling and weren't pinching pennies, but we still kept to a tight budget.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I agree. I wouldn't spend all my savings on a wedding, but I see no problem with having a nice party if you can afford it.
Agreed! If it's within a couple's means, then why not?! I wouldn't knock them for it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC
How about the engagement ring? Lots of women dream about that big shiny ring and I somehow think its similar to spening all your money on a wedding. What are your thoughts?
I just wanted the big sparkly ring, screw the wedding!
We drilled it into our Daughter's head that fancy weddings were for the Rich People....and that we aren't Rich People. She has known since she was tiny, that we were married at a JP, and that we started estate building while we were still students working multiple odd-jobs (and I was pregnant). And she remembers with pride, those early days, with all of us on our hands and knees, scrubbing the floors of our first apartment building...me doing the actual scrubbing, my tiny offspring buffing everything dry to sparkly perfection.
So the wedding princess fantasy is not even in her head. She's engaged to the biggest, blondest boy I ever saw, top in his degree program, and from a family I dared never dream we'd ever even be on speaking terms with. They had certain assumptions, I think. There was a pre-nup, which she signed without hesitation (ok, she speed-read the thing), and there was a weary assumption, I suspect, on her family's part, that we, being New Money, would have one of those big, giant, scummy, tacky, Mississippi Redneck-style $400,000.00-plus weddings.
But after my daughter told her prospective Mother In Law that she already had the perfect navy Chanel suit, the Groom's Charcoal Oxxford was fine, and not to buy anything for the ceremony...Just Parents, (his) Grandparents, and Siblings will be here....flowers from our Rose Garden... a Juice Bar and Crudites by our part-time Housekeeper... Well...the pre-nup became a torn-up. I think that means they like us, and think we're rock-solid, which we've always aimed to be.
What I think I'm saying is that being sensible gets you more respect than being flashy...or overextending yourself.
But there are people enmeshed within the cultural expectations of their ethnic groups. They don't really get to choose so much. And I think we should respect the fact that the big wedding is part of their cycle of life. Kinda makes me glad I'm a mutt without any ethnic group though...
But there are people enmeshed within the cultural expectations of their ethnic groups. They don't really get to choose so much. And I think we should respect the fact that the big wedding is part of their cycle of life. Kinda makes me glad I'm a mutt without any ethnic group though...
Yes, and this is actually the situation described in my original post. The couple is now working overtime to earn money to pay for the wedding and they are stressed. It just seems like a very bad situation to place yourself in to uphold a tradition.
I had a pretty big wedding. There were about 250 guests. In my culture the guests don't give wedding presents but they give money. I think that's a much better gift anyways. You get the household gifts at the bridal shower. The caterers charge around 100.00+ per plate so the bill for the meal could be as high as 20,000. With the money you get from the guests you usually get enough to cover the cost of the food. I was fortunate in that our parents took care of the bill for the meal. So I had that money to put down as a downpayment.
My mom bought my dress which was only about 1500.00. I regret paying so much for a limo it was around 700.00. The photographer and video was another arm and a leg.
Oh and I had a wedding planner who sucked by the way and she cahrged me 5000.
Anyways in hindsight I think it was a waste to spend so much money on the wedding. But that's what weddings are like in my culture. Also at 26 I was young and excited and really wanted that fairytale wedding,
I had a pretty big wedding. There were about 250 guests. In my culture the guests don't give wedding presents but they give money. I think that's a much better gift anyways. You get the household gifts at the bridal shower. The caterers charge around 100.00+ per plate so the bill for the meal could be as high as 20,000. With the money you get from the guests you usually get enough to cover the cost of the food. I was fortunate in that our parents took care of the bill for the meal. So I had that money to put down as a downpayment.
My mom bought my dress which was only about 1500.00. I regret paying so much for a limo it was around 700.00. The photographer and video was another arm and a leg.
Oh and I had a wedding planner who sucked by the way and she cahrged me 5000.
Anyways in hindsight I think it was a waste to spend so much money on the wedding. But that's what weddings are like in my culture. Also at 26 I was young and excited and really wanted that fairytale wedding,
Same here (to bolded above). I just wish this country got a clue. Why would you bring a set of pans to the wedding? Money is absolutely the best gift for the bride and groom.
Nothing beats the $$$$$. I know this is not going to sound good but the day after the wedding me and my husband were sitting on our bed in our brand new home opening up the envelopes and counting the money we received. It was the best feeling ever. Unfortunatley now the money's all gone.
When else in your life are you going to have the opportunity to sit there and count 20,000. worth of money. The good old days.
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(It wasn't so much trying to satisfy others or keeping up with the Jones', but more about what I wanted to do for my guests. I like planning parties and entertaining in general and this was an opportunity where all our friends and family would be gathered at once.) Granted, we already owned a home, had done quite a bit of traveling and weren't pinching pennies, but we still kept to a tight budget.
