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Old 09-06-2015, 02:10 PM
 
1,611 posts, read 2,330,686 times
Reputation: 882

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hummingbyrd View Post
Where are you getting "spying" from??? He knows I have a camera in my front room. So let me get this straight. Because I have a teenager that I might catch on webcam walking through the front room (because that equals "spying") then I should not have a webcam in my house for any reason… that what you are saying? Screw the fact that I like to be able to check on my house when I'm not there, or my dog. Nevermind the fact that it makes me feel safer knowing that I can check in and see that everything is ok. FYI he is in his room on his computer 95% of the time he is home, but still…. I am spying on him
Umm, it could have been much worse. He could have kids over drinking, or a girlfriend over......do you want to see THAT on your webcam?

He sounds like a good kid.

If you can trust him to be overnight alone, then you need to *actually* trust him. Not spy on him on the webcam.

He had a few friends over and they ate Taco Bell and played XBox. He sounds like a good kid.
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Old 09-06-2015, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 9,201,711 times
Reputation: 1709
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~HecateWhisperCat~ View Post
No, but no one I know uses a wifi camera to check up on their kids either. I think perhaps you are being a tad over protective is all, and blowing this a bit out of proportion. I understand that you are a little uncomfortable with leaving him home alone at night. That's a normal reaction with a lot of parents. You do have to learn to let go though.
It's not just the checking up that is weird, but that it isn't just a live feed but recorded. I can see having the ability to turn on the cam once in a while to check up on the house or having it notify you when a motion is detected but recorded? Seems like there is more going on in that house than is being revealed.
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Old 09-06-2015, 02:37 PM
 
1,611 posts, read 2,330,686 times
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I don't think the webcam is normal either...and btw, is it legal to videotape others (the cousin / friends) without consent in your state?

You are suffocating the kid. He will not grow up normally if he is being videotaped by his parents! He will resent you when he is mature enough to realize this is not normal. Other parents do not do this, and he will find that out in college, if not sooner. He will also resent you treating him like a bad kid when he is a good kid. This could backfire on you, becuase kids in these situations often rebel.
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Old 09-06-2015, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 9,201,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snuffybear View Post
I don't think the webcam is normal either...and btw, is it legal to videotape others (the cousin / friends) without consent in your state?

You are suffocating the kid. He will not grow up normally if he is being videotaped by his parents! He will resent you when he is mature enough to realize this is not normal. Other parents do not do this, and he will find that out in college, if not sooner. He will also resent you treating him like a bad kid when he is a good kid. This could backfire on you, becuase kids in these situations often rebel.
So true. Also could be isolating him from being more social. Who wants to go to a friends house if what they do is being recorded. I think because it is a private residence they can record like they do with nanny cams but in California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Oregon, Pennyslvania, and Washington it is illegal to record speech without consent.

I would think that if the OP lived in one of those states then the recording of the cousin's voice is illegal at the very least.
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Old 09-06-2015, 03:01 PM
 
Location: I'm around here someplace :)
3,633 posts, read 4,735,323 times
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Sorry I don't have any advice for OP, except this: you can't teach a kid to not be sneaky by being sneaky.
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Old 09-06-2015, 03:46 PM
 
1,611 posts, read 2,330,686 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hummingbyrd View Post
Yeah I am discounting all of you who keep saying I am spying on him via webcam. Maybe my reaction to last night is over that top… THOSE opinions I'll consider. I probably did over react some, maybe I didn't need to take all the steps I took. Maybe that was too much, however it was based on his lying and the overall weirdness of the way last night played out. I guess you all think I should have just said "oh, he's a teenager.. they do that. I'm sure he just had a friend or 2 over, no big deal. I'll probably find out who they were later, and no matter that I don't even know 1 of them. I'm sure he's a good kid."
Spying on your kid on webcam is NOT NORMAL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by katjonjj View Post
So true. Also could be isolating him from being more social. Who wants to go to a friends house if what they do is being recorded. I think because it is a private residence they can record like they do with nanny cams but in California, Connecticut, Delaware, Florida, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Oregon, Pennyslvania, and Washington it is illegal to record speech without consent.

I would think that if the OP lived in one of those states then the recording of the cousin's voice is illegal at the very least.

Right. Once the cousins or friends figure out that they are being taped, they will not want to go over to your kid's house. And they may pull away from the friendship, too.

Best case, they are still friends, but now they won't come over to his house, so he will go to their house. And if you continue with the webcam, he will want to spend all his time at friends' houses

THROW AWAY the webcam.
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Old 09-06-2015, 05:48 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 6,275,574 times
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The mutual lack of trust is staggering.

OP stay home and try to rebuild your bond with your son.

Im sorry for everyone who has examples of level headed 16 year olds.

I was one of those too.

What the adults DIDNT know is what this level headed 16yr old was Actually Getting Up To while they were busy Admiring How Trustworthy I was.

I'm talking booze, drugs, older men, acting in general like I was 21, the very second I was out of eyeshot.

The reason I could get away with this was: I was a Good Well Behaved and Trusted 16 yr old.

OP honestly as the mum of justoutofteenagers, you really should not leave your kid at home alone and expect things to go well.

Theyre one facebook post away from the cops having to come to disband the huge house party that has sprung up from nowhere with a gazillion dollar damages bill payable to your neighbours and the city.

Its not even THEM, often - its the other 16 year olds around them that cause the problems.

Kids like I was.

You can bet the house I never left my 16 yr olds alone at home overnight, once. 16 is still legally, technically, morally, A CHILD, and whats worse, they are surrounded by Other People's Children, who you literally cannot control unless you are In The House!
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Old 09-06-2015, 06:13 PM
 
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^^^So, because you couldn't be trusted, no 16 yr old can? Riiiighhhtttt.
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Old 09-06-2015, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 9,201,711 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
^^^So, because you couldn't be trusted, no 16 yr old can? Riiiighhhtttt.
Exactly... I was a teenager that couldn't be trusted. Why? Over-parenting. Put a kid in a cage and they want out. Don't sweat the small stuff and give them some freedom mixed with open communication so they can be trusted. 16 is so close to adulthood that if you don't let them make some bad decisions, they will never learn.

My parents said that trust had to be earned but there was nothing I could ever do to "earn" that trust as long as they considered me one who couldn't be trusted. A vicious circle. I believe trust is broken not earned.
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Old 09-06-2015, 09:26 PM
 
12,972 posts, read 10,121,940 times
Reputation: 23986
Kids lie. Now you know. You have to give him rope to hang himself or maybe he can practice tying knots. Sooner or later you have to let go. Or you can do what I did. Put a tracking bracelet on his ankle.
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