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Old 01-22-2012, 11:15 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,603,302 times
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"I think this really comes down to the motive of the payer. Being a male, I usually feel inclined to pay but I don't usually go out of my way to do so. This is mainly because I am NOT paying for a woman's attention. If I insist on constantly paying for a woman I am showing her behavior that I want to be a provider and am in a sense seducing her with my money. Also, I would never want to put a woman in a situation where she feels obligated to be with me just because I paid. Believe me, I am all for picking up the tab, and especially if I invite a woman to a more upscale/expensive place, I shouldn't expect her to necessarily have the money to go somewhere that I am choosing, but I don't want to put a vibe out there that she should be with me because I pay her way. This is why I think it's key to find first dates that are free or are cheap enough that I can easily pay for both of us without seeming like I am trying to impress her or set a precedent for future dates."

Read more: Attractive women expect their date to pay for dinner because they're worth it | Mail Online
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
527 posts, read 1,232,470 times
Reputation: 448
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I've been thinking about this for the last few days... Now that we have a son - what will we teach him? And I know I'm going to get flack for this - but we are going to teach him to be a gentleman. "A gentleman? What's that? It's time for the women to be the gentleman!" Yes, I know that is how many of you feel. But - I'm going to teach him to go for what he wants. If he likes a certain young lady - he should take the initiative and ask her out. And he should pay for the date, like a gentleman. He should also hold doors open for her and compliment her, like a gentleman. And how can he tell if the young lady is a keeper? She should offer to pay at the end of the date. She should thank him for opening the door. She should compliment him in return. And if I was raising a daughter - I would also tell her to go after what she wants. There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. And if she does, she should pay. A gentleman will offer to pay - but if she asked him out, she should insist on paying.
Well said. For me, I open doors (DAMN YOU DOUBLE DOORS!!!), pull out chairs, open and close the car door for her etc. And I will pay for the date, but it's important that the girl OFFERS to pay (I won't let her). I agree with how you are raising your son!
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:42 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,812,088 times
Reputation: 11124
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix_down View Post
Well said. For me, I open doors (DAMN YOU DOUBLE DOORS!!!), pull out chairs, open and close the car door for her etc. And I will pay for the date, but it's important that the girl OFFERS to pay (I won't let her). I agree with how you are raising your son!
You actually believe she should offer to pay for a date that YOU initiated? Are talking a first date, or a date with someone in you're in an exclusive relationship with? Oh, 2 dates does not equal a relationship, just so you know.
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:54 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,603,302 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
You actually believe she should offer to pay for a date that YOU initiated? Are talking a first date, or a date with someone in you're in an exclusive relationship with? Oh, 2 dates does not equal a relationship, just so you know.
Without any doubt (first date being an exception, if I initiate the meeting or pick a more exclusive spot). I would hate for my date to feel like she is obligated to me in any way or that she owes me something. Yes, I do realize that many women seem to expect it, but if I were a betting man, I would say this belief is becoming less and less popular. Maybe Im worng., simply sharing my view.
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Columbus, Ohio
1,781 posts, read 2,680,859 times
Reputation: 7071
Lightbulb Boy Do You Have A Lot To Learn...

Quote:
Originally Posted by misiu007 View Post
Your responses are pretty fruity in every sense. Lots of blah nonsense and underhanded cheap shots. My opinion is just that, and has much to do with todays reality than the nonsensical responses from you. Live and learn, sunny.
First of all, ain't a thing 'fruity' about me, except perhaps the tag in my underwear...your M.O. seems to be to counter anyone who disagrees with you, or offers any counter-argument that effectively closes you for business, with a bunch of smart-aleck remarks...

Secondly, excuse moi, but 'blah nonsense and underhanded cheap shots'? All I did was to basically call you out for trying to sell a bunch of mouth and wolf-tickets, when the real truth of the matter probably is, you tried to run your warmed-over game on some smart, independent woman who let you know exactly what time it was, and instead of being a man, and cutting your losses and moving on, you choose to come here and post snippets of articles ostensibly defending your line of smoke and mirrors...

Either craft intelligent responses to the topic at hand, or find a phone and dial 1-800-Can-I-Whine, because the adults here don't have time to deal with a bunch of crying about 'REAL men shouldn't/don't pay for dates!'...

And finally...yeah, you have your opinion, you're entitled to it, and you expressed it, but nowhere did I see anything that brands you as any kind of expert on 'today's reality', except your saying so, which amounts to a fly-fart in a wind tunnel to me...

Once more, with feeling, I emphasize key points---I'm sorry you you haven't had a lot of luck with women, but you'll get a lot farther if you put a sock in it (your mouth, that is) and try listening and observing when people try to give you helpful advice, instead of chattering on like a drunken woodpecker about how 'real men shouldn't pay for dates' and 'women are like hookers who expect to get paid for their time'

Yeah, you have your opinion, now deal with mine...want to have a civil dialogue with me on this subject here? I have no problem with that...but don't try to match wits with me---because in THAT battle, if all you've got is 'live and learn, sunny', then you're unarmed, empty-handed and outnumbered
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Old 01-22-2012, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
527 posts, read 1,232,470 times
Reputation: 448
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
You actually believe she should offer to pay for a date that YOU initiated? Are talking a first date, or a date with someone in you're in an exclusive relationship with? Oh, 2 dates does not equal a relationship, just so you know.
Yes I do. Why so surprised? We are each entitled to our own opinions, and I'm obviously not alone in this thread. I'm not going to change your view, and you mine. You can certainly not date guys like me, and vice versa. It's a free country after all
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:04 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,603,302 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by captaincatfish View Post
First of all, ain't a thing 'fruity' about me, except perhaps the tag in my underwear...your M.O. seems to be to counter anyone who disagrees with you, or offers any counter-argument that effectively closes you for business, with a bunch of smart-aleck remarks...

Secondly, excuse moi, but 'blah nonsense and underhanded cheap shots'? All I did was to basically call you out for trying to sell a bunch of mouth and wolf-tickets, when the real truth of the matter probably is, you tried to run your warmed-over game on some smart, independent woman who let you know exactly what time it was, and instead of being a man, and cutting your losses and moving on, you choose to come here and post snippets of articles ostensibly defending your line of smoke and mirrors...

Either craft intelligent responses to the topic at hand, or find a phone and dial 1-800-Can-I-Whine, because the adults here don't have time to deal with a bunch of crying about 'REAL men shouldn't/don't pay for dates!'...

And finally...yeah, you have your opinion, you're entitled to it, and you expressed it, but nowhere did I see anything that brands you as any kind of expert on 'today's reality', except your saying so, which amounts to a fly-fart in a wind tunnel to me...

Once more, with feeling, I emphasize key points---I'm sorry you you haven't had a lot of luck with women, but you'll get a lot farther if you put a sock in it (your mouth, that is) and try listening and observing when people try to give you helpful advice, instead of chattering on like a drunken woodpecker about how 'real men shouldn't pay for dates' and 'women are like hookers who expect to get paid for their time'

Yeah, you have your opinion, now deal with mine...want to have a civil dialogue with me on this subject here? I have no problem with that...but don't try to match wits with me---because in THAT battle, if all you've got is 'live and learn, sunny', then you're unarmed, empty-handed and outnumbered
Oh, dont waste so much energy on something that means nothing to anyone. You'll live a more fulfilling life. Have a great one!
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:24 PM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,265,486 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress View Post
I a guy expects me to pay for "my half" of a the concert tickets that he has invited me out for, then I won't go. then it's not a date.
Please pardon the cherrypick, but you bring up a good point. Concert tickets and the like are expensive. If I wanted to take someone to a concert, it would be a big deal to me, and as such, I would never in a million years ask that person to fork out the money for that. To me, something like that is an EVENT, to be offered to someone because I like him just that much. The first couple of dates? Oh, heck no. I wouldn't accept a date like that from someone unless I knew him well, either.

In the past, I've taken boyfriends to plays at the Kennedy Center, sporting events, and so on. Same thing. If something is going to run $75 per ticket, it would just be rude to make that kind of offer. Indeed, the other party, whether male or female, would be perfectly within his or her rights to say, "Ooh, sorry. I'd love to go, but that's not in my budget. Have fun!" Let the initiator be mortified.

As with everything else in life, there are degrees. Just as a first date is not an established relationship, $40 for dinner for two is not $200 worth of center ice hockey tickets.
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Old 01-22-2012, 02:59 PM
 
6,497 posts, read 11,812,088 times
Reputation: 11124
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix_down View Post
Yes I do. Why so surprised? We are each entitled to our own opinions, and I'm obviously not alone in this thread. I'm not going to change your view, and you mine. You can certainly not date guys like me, and vice versa. It's a free country after all
Well, to be honest, in your view, it's like inviting guests to a party you're hosting and expecting them to offer to foot the bill for it.

Do you not see anything wrong with that? Do you drop your friends for not offering?
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Old 01-22-2012, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Where Dance Music comes first
1,904 posts, read 2,986,733 times
Reputation: 2260
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93 View Post
I've been thinking about this for the last few days... Now that we have a son - what will we teach him? And I know I'm going to get flack for this - but we are going to teach him to be a gentleman. "A gentleman? What's that? It's time for the women to be the gentleman!" Yes, I know that is how many of you feel. But - I'm going to teach him to go for what he wants. If he likes a certain young lady - he should take the initiative and ask her out. And he should pay for the date, like a gentleman. He should also hold doors open for her and compliment her, like a gentleman. And how can he tell if the young lady is a keeper? She should offer to pay at the end of the date. She should thank him for opening the door. She should compliment him in return. And if I was raising a daughter - I would also tell her to go after what she wants. There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. And if she does, she should pay. A gentleman will offer to pay - but if she asked him out, she should insist on paying.
Even though I perform all the acts highlighted above, I still do not see myself as a gentleman because gentlemen are chivalrous in the traditional sense. I, on the other hand, detest chivalry.

Quote:
And how can he tell if the young lady is a keeper? She should offer to pay at the end of the date. She should thank him for opening the door. She should compliment him in return. And if I was raising a daughter - I would also tell her to go after what she wants. There is nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out. And if she does, she should pay. A gentleman will offer to pay - but if she asked him out, she should insist on paying.
I'm sure the definition of a lady lies somewhere in this paragraph but I can't seem to wrap my hands around it. Perhaps you could explicitly state the actions required of a lady as you did for a gentleman as per dating. What exactly is the difference between a lady and a gentleman?

Quote:
Maybe I'm old school - but I still think men should act like gentlemen and women should act like ladies. And I don't mean that women should cross their legs at the ankles or that men should earn all the money - I'm talking about manners, courtesy, and respect. There are so many people on here that just don't seem to have any respect for the other gender. I'm raising my son to be respectful - hopefully!
What's odd is that I actually do not recollect my father or mother ever telling me to respect women. Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that Respect should be handled on an individual basis regardless of gender. Sure, I respect some people who happen to be women, but it's not because they are women.

What about the bad men and women? Would you teach your son to respect them also?
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