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Congratulations to you both! I married my best friend 2 years ago, and it's undoubtedly the happiest I have ever been. We discuss without shouting, resolve differences without violence or verbal abuse....I cannot FATHOM a marriage devoid of respect of any sort. I experienced that twice before. Never again.
Thank you. You've just reinforced my belief that Islam, in so many respects, exists because of sexism, repression, and violence.
That its followers cannot face those facts (and denounce them, loudly) is its greatest tragedy.
Thank you Rayne... and to you as well. Good luck to you, and God bless.
Thank you Rayne... and to you as well. Good luck to you, and God bless.
Thank you
I wonder what thoughts occur to those unaccustomed to respect and equality in marriage when they see that it not only exists, but actually thrives.
To experience it themselves, they would first have to erase their fears and superstitions of women and replace them with something approaching reality.
To some extent, yes. Where you and I most likely differ is WHICH person should have that final say.
In my marriage, differences are resolved through discussion and compromise. There is no pattern of either one of us making all final decisions....BECAUSE WE RESPECT EACH OTHER.
In fact, there are almost no major decisions in our marriage that had to be decided by only one of us, to the detriment of the other's wishes. Nearly everything we decide is done together in full agreement.
offcouse , islam encourage such relation you have with your husband , it will be better and most benefits to all if the problems be resolved through discussion and compromise
but what if the discussion and compromise didn't work ?
please you have to look at the verses from this point of view .
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible.
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i can see that may be we will differ in WHICH person should have that final say , i have no problem with that . you can tell me who and the reasons you have , and i will tell you " Who " and my reasons either
offcouse , islam encourage such relation you have with your husband , it will be better and most benefits to all if the problems be resolved through discussion and compromise
but what if the discussion and compromise didn't work ?
please you have to look at the verses from this point of view .
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible.
Discussion and compromise DO work, especially if there is a longterm history of good communication already in place.
What is more important to you? Harmony?
Or 'winning'?
Healthy relationships are not filled with victors and victims. They are filled, instead, by partners who derive joy out of the other's happiness without giving up their own sense of self or dignity.
I'm sorry, I just can't explain it any other way.
Btw, my husband knows that, if he were to ever strike me, it would mean the immediate end of our relationship. On that, I will not compromise. EVER.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elwill
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i can see that may be we will differ in WHICH person should have that final say , i have no problem with that . you can tell me who and the reasons you have , and i will tell you " Who " and my reasons either
Elwill, you completely missed the point of my post.
There is NO ONE PERSON who is in charge of final decisions in my marriage. Not my husband, not me.
Compromise, for us, means that neither of us will always get their way. It is always a process of give and take, with some things favoring one person one time, the other person another time.
The nonsense are your words, and you could not answer the question who is the leader of the family; because we know that even any company or office has to have a chief and a leader, which does not mean a tyrant.
Friends, this is only to friends, don't take this so rigid.
Who will be over and who will be below?
Who will be the doer and who will be the done with?
Who will be the giver and the other one the receiver?
Your concept of inequality in a marriage, where the husband's delicate ego must be preserved at all costs, does not fly with societies, cultures, or faiths that believe in freedom.
To think that the wife needs 'correction' by striking her ('tapping'? Give me a break) is repulsive.
Let's call your brand of demanding obedience what it really is: Domestic Abuse.
Americans have already seen what can happen when female family members 'disobey' their Master (father).
They wind up beaten or dead.
Trying to defend husband-as-master, wife-as-docile-subservient, hit-wife-with-stick garbage is ultimately futile.
What sane husband wants his wife to fear him?
Sick, sick, SICK.
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I married my best friend 2 years ago, and it's undoubtedly the happiest I have ever been. We discuss without shouting, resolve differences without violence or verbal abuse....I cannot FATHOM a marriage devoid of respect of any sort. I experienced that twice before. Never again.
. Good luck to you, and God bless.
