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I'll admit that I tend to give professionals more credit than is probably due. It's food for thought that I will keep in mind for the future when it comes to my own biases.
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I do not take part in drama or shenanigans, some of my coworkers have and will continue to do so. It's an observation. Except for very specific cases, most are not able to choose their coworkers. People come with different personalities and experiences, their baggage is no reflection of me.
"Show me your friends......" Sorry, coworkers are not my friends.
You noted your friends in the initial post I responded to. "Some women can just be ruthless, even ones you think are your friends". You then go on to say that the office environment makes it worse. As if there is some innate female trait that is compounded by the office. So, it's your co-workers and your friends. That's a running theme.
But you can not extrapolate your personal experience to the population at large (by assuming that a catty, competitive work environment must be an undereducated one) anymore than Pug can. We can judge you by your friends, yes, but that doesn't mean your reality is prevalent.
I know my reality is not prevalent.
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My opinion at this time is just that people are people. Catty men, catty women, kind men, kind women. The stereotype that women are inherently manipulative, two-faced backstabbers is BS
The top comment on YouTube at the moment is from someone who said, "Ya kno ive never seen walks for testicular cancer ... its kind of upsetting."
Women interact more socially than men do. The upside is that we can form strong, supportive bonds and help each other like in the video. The downside is that we can also be nosy gossips. Men are more likely to be loners who mind their own business, yes, but they are more likely to be lonely.
When it comes to stereotypes about gossip the first thing that comes to mind for me is politics. The political arena has been largely dominated by men until recent decades and it's foundation has always been rooted in gossip, catty, and undermining behavior. Of course, that is not to say that gossip is a male thing. It's a people thing, but it provides an elephant sized example of how cockamamie the gender stereotype is.
To have you view this in another way, pug, note the changes I made in this post below and you tell me if all is well.
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I prefer when people can be straight up and honest and most blacks/asians I have known are the furthest thing from that. I work with almost all blacks/asians and not a week goes by without a crap load of drama between at least two of them. My boss, a black/asian, regularly throws us "under the bus," but generally after making the person think they did a good job on whatever it was. The assistant boss, my direct supervisor, regularly reacts/speaks without thinking and can do a superb job of making a person feel like a dumb arse. This black/asian seems to pick on one of my co-workers a lot. There's a lot of backstabbing that goes on there, just in general. However, there is one white in our group and he's the biggest gossip I've ever come across. I am most leery of the other blacks/asians though. I make an effort to get along with the group i work in but I don't trust any of them, including the white guy. He's easy enough to deal with, just don't tell him anything of any importance. He isn't one to make things up, just for the sake of gossip, but a few of the blacks/asians will. Some blacks/asians can just be ruthless, even ones you think are your friends. The office environment seems to make it even worse.
With those changes it will be read as offensive and bigoted as all hell, as it rightly should. Just because our culture has not caught up with the fact that gender crap is a load of crap, doesn't make it right.
My opinion at this time is just that people are people. Catty men, catty women, kind men, kind women. The stereotype that women are inherently manipulative, two-faced backstabbers is BS.
And still, there's this tendency to look at men as individuals, and women as a group. Like with the work thing. If someone has a bad male boss, they're likely to say "man, that guy was an a-hole." If they have a bad female boss, it's "women are terrible bosses."
Location: where you sip the tea of the breasts of the spinsters of Utica
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
All I can say is that you're off base. I think that's just one of those things, where women are described as catty, hysterical, untrustworthy, backstabbers, etc., while the same behavior from men is ignored or described in different ways. I can point to any number of threads where men heckle each other and say catty things. I think it's just a myth that is repeated so much that people believe it without really thinking about it.
I didn't mean arguing - men certainly argue and insult others more than women ...... in a very general statistical sense. I meant actually getting together and calling for someone to be banned, because his or her polite difference of opinion is seen as a danger to the community. Censorship by banning.
I think women tend a LITTLE to be more like that, but it may have been a bigger deal to me last night than it seems today.
I certainly don't want to bash women. I truly love women for all that they are. But have you ever noticed how when you walk into a restaurant with a good looking woman, a lot of other women will look at you flirtatiously? You could go into the same restaurant alone on the very next night and feel like a pariah. Also, when a woman knows that you are taken, (let me stress that SOME women), will be all the more interested in you. I haven't noticed this in men. On the contrary, most men will shy away from married or taken women unless the attraction is too much too resist or else it's flat out given to them.
In my experience this is absolutely, positively true.
I'll admit that I tend to give professionals more credit than is probably due. It's food for thought that I will keep in mind for the future when it comes to my own biases.
Hey Braun, I'm usually with you, but im not sure what you mean by 'professional' the guy says he is Civil Engineer, is that not professional enough? What constitutes a professional to you?
Hey Braun, I'm usually with you, but im not sure what you mean by 'professional' the guy says he is Civil Engineer, is that not professional enough? What constitutes a professional to you?
Ah, Civil Engineers are the most Catty of the Engineering disciplines so there may be some insight there! As far as gossip goes the Female Engineers I work with always share all of the details of their week ends with the rest of us on Monday mornings. Theyre pretty good about not dissing thier fellow workers though, so I would say equal in my work environment.
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. I am most leery of the other blacks/asians though. I make an effort to get along with the group i work in but I don't trust any of them, including the white guy. He's easy enough to deal with, just don't tell him anything of any importance. He isn't one to make things up, just for the sake of gossip, but a few of the blacks/asians will. Some blacks/asians can just be ruthless, even ones you think are your friends. The office environment seems to make it even worse.
