The long term effects of spanking and slapping (ideas, legally, punishing)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am a political liberal. I am a member of a church. A Christian. However, I do not run my home like a Democracy. There are those in charge. My husband and my self. We make the money and pay the bills.
I am not sure how it is relevant that you are Christian. I am not a Christian but I am religious. I also do not run my home like a Democracy. My husband and I am in charge but we are capable of being in charge without hitting another person. Hitting does not equal being in charge. Does your boss hit you at the office?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12
IThere are those not in charge. We care for them and love them. BUT we do not permit them to use vile language, show disrespect towards us, lie around the house on Saturday playing video games and texting friends.
We don't permit our kids to use vile language, or show disrespect to us. We just don't have to hit them so that they are respectful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12
There are consequences for bad behavior. Over the years spanking has proven very useful at times, especially when "rank" needs to be re-established.
They are older now and we enjoy a close relationship. They are good, productive young people.
We also have consequences for bad behavior. Those consequences just don't include violence.
Victims of actual violence might disagree. Bruises, whelps, broken bones or worse. An open palm across a childs posterior should not result in anything close to that.
Violence does not have to result in broken bones. Hitting another person is doing violence to them. You may feel the violence is justified but it doesn't make it NOT violent.
If I walked out on the street and slapped another person in the face I could be charged with battery. It is a crime. If you want to do that to your own child, you can certainly do that, but it is still violence. I don't think it is necessarily abusive to hit your kids, but I do think it shows a lack of creativity and a lack of awareness of what the real goals of discipline are.
How will your child behave when the threat of violence is no longer enough (one of my sons is 8 inches taller than me)?
I'd say many people have benefitted DESPITE being spanked. It is NOT a fact that spanking has worked. It's an opinion. I get that spanking is not necessarily abuse, and that the method of discipline is not the only question. But speaking of questions, I've yet to get an answer to a rather simple one:
Knowing that there is no more evidence nor reasoning to favor spanking as there is to favor timeouts (even when you ignore studies, which is odd enough, in my book) and knowing that timeouts have the added benefit of showing kids firsthand how you want them to solve their problems in life, why not commit yourself to timeouts instead of hitting?
I knew somebody would say this. If you spank a kid, and they turn out great, the kid benefitted DESPITE the spanking, but if you use the time outs they benefitted because of the time out. Why do only time outs add a benefits but spanking doesn't?
Spanking, time out and explanations aren't strategies. They are tactics. Strategies involve understanding goals and desired outcomes, short term and long. Deciding how to achieve those outcomes. That's why these conversations are such a waste of time.
Totally agree these conversations are a waste of time. In my field, strategy is the term that is used, not tactic. Using spanking, time outs etc. does not preclude one from having goals and desired outcomes in mind, and effective parenting has these elements included in discipline.
Last edited by eastwesteastagain; 02-08-2012 at 06:05 AM..
I don't buy it. I was spanked and I'm not aggressive. My brothers and sisters were spanked and they are not aggressive.
Nearly everyone I grew up were spanked. Actually, in those days, spanking at school was acceptable. What makes people aggressive is anger within themselves and not knowing a positive way to deal with life and a lack of physical exercise like the abnormal conditions that are created by television and electronic stimulation not to mention the junk food consumed.
I was spanked and I spanked our children and no one is aggressive. Slapping is not acceptable. Ignoring your children is not acceptable. Less people spank now than ever before and children and adults are much more aggressive. Get some physical exercise and leave the TV/video games alone - it will work wonders!
How will your child behave when the threat of violence is no longer enough (one of my sons is 8 inches taller than me)?
With my kids older (9 and 12), we never spank. They are now at that point where other discipline is much more effective. They are better at reasoning and other forms of punishment are better suited. We really do try to talk things out with a short term consequence. I will admit that I still grasp my daughter's arm and remind her to be respectful at times but try my best to refrain from doing that.
When they were younger and on occasion out of control and all the time outs (which we tried) didn't work, a swat on the butt did wonders. That was always our last resort but we did spank on occasion and very rarely. I was occasionally spanked as a kid and for things that caused actual property damage. I still remember marking up our freshly placed concrete and cobblestone porch and screen doors with crayons--I was in 2nd or 3 rd grade and got a spanking for that. I never did it again. Fast forward to my kids---the last spanking they got was 2 or so years ago where they trashed one of our bathrooms to the point where there was damage to the house. We had given them several warnings prior to the trashing incident since they were working up to it. It certainly got the point across since they have never repeated this behavior.
I'm also one for grasping a child's arm firmly, bending down and looking them in the eye and talking to them. A bit of physical contract coupled with a pretty stern talk has worked pretty well. We've always been able to take the kids to restaurants and I remember one much older lady (in her 70s) complimenting me when she saw me walk a kid out of a restaurant, take him outside, talk to him sternly at eye level and then go back in with the situation resolved. I get a kick of people screaming at their kids, swatting them and the kid goes off and does it again.
Don't know. These discussions always seem to end up in people taking extreme stances on things. If time outs work for you, that is wonderful. If an occasional spanking does the trick, go for it. I don't think anyone here who spanks is beating their kid black and blue. Just as the people who do time outs are raising undisciplined children. You as the parent are the one responsible for picking the most effective parenting technique.
Social Studies tend to have so much bias, that i don't pay much attention to them.
That's why it's important to be able to differentiate between the studies that are well-designed and have strong controls in place to attenuate bias and those that are poorly designed. I do find this trend of looking at one study's results, rather than looking at the aggregate data of the body of literature on a topic, to be disturbing and somewhat misleading. Just my two cents.
I haven't read most of this thread, or the article I now see links for on Yahoo. But I'm asking a question anyway. I see the mention of 'corporal punishment'. So is all of this NOT about a swat on the butt? Is it about putting someone over your knee for a beating, or telling them their father will be doing it when he gets home? Or are people claiming that a swat on the butt is corporal punishment that will destroy your child?
I haven't read most of this thread, or the article I now see links for on Yahoo. But I'm asking a question anyway. I see the mention of 'corporal punishment'. So is all of this NOT about a swat on the butt? Is it about putting someone over your knee for a beating, or telling them their father will be doing it when he gets home? Or are people claiming that a swat on the butt is corporal punishment that will destroy your child?
I think the threads were merged so there are conversations going on about both. The linked study description refers to "spanking and slapping" but it doesn't specify the criteria the authors used.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
